Waste of time

    Writing is a waste of time. That is all Diane ever heard all her life. But Diane did not feel that way at all.  Diane was determined to follow her heart and dreams. You see Diane had everything stacked against her, but she always found comfort in words. 

    Diane grew up being physically and verbally abused by others around her. She was physically abused by her alcoholic father. Diane would write in a diary daily, which was her only friend. However, whenever her father caught her writing, he would tear it up and make her burn the papers. He would tell her that she was worthless and no good. She could not understand what she did so wrong. He wanted her to be perfect. However, she was far from perfect, but not a bad kid. Diane had to sneak around and write in the sand. Then like her feelings the words would disappear in the wind.

    School was another nightmare. Diane was bullied every day. The other kids would come up behind her and draw circles on their arms while saying, “Circle, circle, dot, dot, now I got me cootie shots”. Always calling her Cootie girl and that she was the ugliest girl in the school. If they saw her writing, they would say, “You’re too stupid to be a writer” and “you are not even going to graduate high school”, “Just give it up”. She did not understand why they picked on her. She never did anything to them. She would keep a notebook hidden at school so she could write.  She thought, “One day you’ll see”. “I am going to show you”, she vowed.  This was her motivation.

    Diane ended up in foster care while in high school. Living with strangers was challenging, but at least they would let her write. They just thought she was different and odd. Diane was so frustrated with trying to adjust to a new school, town, and family. She was angry at the world and almost quit school. Her foster dad encouraged her to stay in school. Diane thought, “He is right”. Education is something no one can take away from me. So, she decided to stay in school.

    Diane did find some inspiration in her Senior Literature class. She had to do a class literacy contest project on a Shakespeare character. Lady Macbeth was the natural choice for Diane. She could understand Lady Macbeth’s struggle and feeling of despair. So, Diane wrote a poem called, “The Last Thoughts of Lady Macbeth” for her literature contest project. She was so nervous. “What if they laugh at me?”, she thought. Well to her great surprise she won the contest for the entire school. For the first time in her life she felt like she belonged and was accepted. But the feeling was short lived.

    Feeling alone and insecure she looked for security in the most insecure situations, abusive men. She felt alone, lost and needed direction, but there was not anyone there to guide her. Whenever her partner would see her writing, he would say, “Are going to make us millions and pay all the bills?”, while laughing at her.  

    Diane did not give up. She finally got out of the abusive cycle and began to focus on her dream of writing. She found a husband who supported her but did not believe in her at first. Diane had a habit of starting things and never finishing them. He thought that was going to happen in her writing. 

    She had tried several correspondence courses to help her develop her writing skills. She did not complete them due to her lack of confidence. When she had presented the idea of writing to her young adult son, he told her, “You aren’t ever going to write a book”.   He said, “You are wasting your time”. Well this challenged Diane. 

    Diane as more determined than ever to write. Diane was determined to prove them all wrong. She began to seriously research writing and herself.  Over the years she discovered that she needed to look in herself for the much-needed security and confidence that she needed instead of to others. After she gain her own self-confidence, she began to find support with other writers and supports she did not know existed. She was so inspired to keep going after all these years.

    She had so many ideas. “Where do I start?”, she pondered. There was so much information and resources. She thought back over her life and concluded, “I start by picking up the pen and begin writing from my heart”. That is exactly what she did. Armed with knowledge and self-confidence, she started on her new journey.

    Finally, she did it. She completed her first story. She was so over-joyed. Now the scary part presenting her story to her family. She asked her husband and son to sit down for a while and read her story. She anxiously paced the floor as they read her story. They absolutely loved it. They were so proud of her for completing her story. Her husband and sone apologized to her for not believing in her and giving her the support that she needed from them. 

    From that day forward her husband and son never doubted her. They showed her the love and respect that she deserved as a writer. She could not be happier. She did not need fortune and fame. She just wanted to express herself and be accepted for it.  Now her heart was complete or was it. There were still several people she had to face, her father and her former classmates.

    Her father and her had grown a lot since her childhood days. He had quit drinking and tried to make amends as best he could with her. So, she planned to go and see him. Boy, she was anxious to see him after all these years. Her father was incredibly happy to see her. They talked for a long time. She finally built up the courage to show him her story. 

    She did not know how he would respond to her story.  He was surprised to hear that she had completed a story. Without hesitation he read her story and was very touched by it. He told her that he was proud of her and he wanted her to write more so he could read them. This was the beginning of a renewed relationship between father and daughter. This inspired her to continue writing, they met every month to read a new story and strengthen their relationship.

     One afternoon Diane went to check her mailbox. Then she saw the words, “You are invited to the 20-year class reunion”. It had arrived her final challenge, she had to face her former classmates. “Should I stay, or should I go?” she asked herself. With great hesitation she went to her class reunion. They were all surprised to see her. Most were very apologetic to her. They said they were young and should not have bullied her like they did. She found it in her to forgive them. She told them about completing her story. They were completing shocked. Deep down inside she wanted to say, “How do you like me now?”, but she was nice and controlled herself.

    In conclusion, Diane followed her dream of writing and never looked back again. She had found trued peace and happiness. She knew that writing was not a waste of time.