Meeting Again

I look through the glass pane windows and see a face I never thought I'd see again. Her brown curly hair that in the radiant sun resembled a blonde shade. Her bright blue eyes that looking into them could send your body through a million waves. The ocean itself would envy. She was a sight for sore eyes, a magnificent creature, my father would say. And she was my mother.

A couple hours earlier

I faintly hear my alarm ring. As I slowly awake, the noise becomes louder and louder ringing in my head. I let out a loud sign and roll on my side, turning the irritating sound off. I absolutely hated the thought of waking up early in the weekend, but just I didn't have that luxury. Every Saturday my duty was to help my father at the cafe. His cafe. It was his mother's and she left him in charge after she passed. It has been passed down 4 generations. His desire was to entrust it in my care when I was old enough. Not that I had a choice in the matter.

Helping at the cafe was something I had been doing since the age of 13. Still I never seemed to get accustomed.

I get my tall thin body out of bed and into my bathroom. Washing my long curly locks with shampoo and conditioner. Scrubbing and untangling the big furry mess I call my hair. It was always a task maintaining my hair. It seemed to have a mind of it's own.

I step out of the shower and the mirror is foggy, water droplets on the walls. I wipe it clean and I can finally see my face clearly. My hazel brown eyes, puffy, due from lack of sleep. My freckled unsymmetrical face. My small waist, looking at that of a porcelain doll. My curly hair, and long legs. I had a strong hatred for every part of my body. The reason being I looked entirely like my mother.

Her and I never had the best relationship. It was non-existent.

*

My mother had high hopes for herself. She wanted to be a singer. A beautiful voice she had. That of an angel. It was the reason my father fell in love for her crazy young soul.

When I was young she would come in my room at night and sing me to sleep. Songs she had written and composed. Songs that were just for me.

As time passed her wishes and desires became more important than me, her own child. She would yell and argue with my father, saying she deserved better. Claiming she never wanted this life. The life were she was a carrying wife, with a loving and understanding husband, and a beautiful child.

So instead of letting her dreams vanish with the wind, she left to chase them. Unlike her the only dream my father had was to raise a healthy little girl. When she disappeared their marriage along with her. My brokenhearted father lost the love of life. The person he saw himself growing old with.

He never called her, begging her to return. He wished that she would regain her senses and come back, not because she did not succeed, for he knew she would. But he wanted her to return because she loved us. He believed the love she alleged to have for us would bring her back to us, and we would be a happy family once more.

His wish never came true.

*

Coming back to reality, I wipe the tears that began to form in my eyes. I change into my work uniform, putting my wet hair into a bun. Grabbing my bag and keys I head out the door.

The sun was beaming beautifully. The bright rays meeting my face, giving my body warmth. It never seized to amaze me. The sun has been estimated to have been around for 4.6 billion years, and yet it's light has not seized to exist. It burns bright as it always has, providing us exactly what we need and desire.

I always wanted my mom to become the sun. For even when the sun leaves us during the night, it always returned in the morning. Something my mother never did.

I make my way to the cafe. It was a sight to see. The big bright sign reading "Adams Cafe". The jukebox up front. The vintage style. The beautiful bright booths. Entering the cafe made me feel as if I lived in the 80's.

I open the doors taking a deep breath, inhaling it's scent. The smell of scrambled eggs and crispy bacon cooking in the kitchen, made my mouth water. My aunt Daisy waiting and my dad at the cashier.

I glance at him and he gives his big bright white smile. "Morning honey bear." Those words always seemed to cause my heart to melt. My father was and is the only person I could count on. He was consistent and never failed to show his love and appreciation.

I walk up to him and take a seat, "Morning dad."

My father was the most beautiful man I'd ever seen. He was a tall. With hair as blonde as gold. His eyes were same as mine, a beautiful shade of hazel, that reminded me of honey. Freckles that painted every inch of his face.

"Are you ready to wait some tables?"

"Yeah." He hands me a wet cloth so I can start cleaning tables.

I always imagined myself in a far off place while at work. Malibu especially. The broad waves crashing on my body. The radiate sun, kissing my skin. Car driving by. Music blaring. It would be magnificent.

Snapping out of my trace I gaze across the street, meeting my eyes with a woman. She was staring into the cafe, looking directly at me. Squinting my eyes, I make an effort to get a better look but once she gets a bit closer I know exactly who she is. My mother.

Opening the door she enters the diner. Looking at her was truly like looking in a mirror. My smile fades as all the unhappy memories of a depressing time fog my brain, as did my mirror this morning.

She makes her way towards me, anger filling my body and I can feel myself burning up, as if i'll burst into flames.

"Hello Amelia". She lays her arms flat on her sides, smiling wide. She didn't look exactly like I remembered. Her hair had turned grey, bags were formed under her eyes. Her demeanor had changed completely. I suppose one would change after 8 years. All time I prayed and hoped that we would met again, that I would get to see her, at least for one last moment. But now that it is happening I wished nothing more but for her to leave a second time.

"Hello Deborah", I roll my eyes, crossing my arms at the chest.

"Amelia I thought I told you-. Deborah?", my father says surprised.

She lets out a forced laugh. "Be careful Richard you might get a heart attack from how happy you are to see me again."

I stare at her trying to come up with reasons in my mind as to why she is here, now.

"You both must be wondering why I am here. Please sit down." She takes a deep breath. It seems as if the words she planned to say had escaped her mind, and she was deciding on what to say. After a few moments she finally forms a response. "I want to get to know you Lia."

"Don't you dare call me that. You lost the privilege when you walked out on us."

"I'm sorry." she lets her head fall slightly in embarrassment.

"Why do you want to get to know me, after all these years? Why do you care now?"

"I am not doing well Amelia. I have cancer."

I didn't know how to react or what to say, but the only words that proceeded to exit my lips were. "So karma does work in mysterious ways."

"Amelia.", my father says.

"It's alright Richard, I do not deserve her pity. After all I put her through." She tries to hold back her tears, taking a big gulp she manages to say. "I know it isn't appropriate to ask anything from you. But I wish dearly to get to know you, before my time does come. I've been holding back coming here for that same reason, I did not want to come back into your life to leave again. The doctors told me I should make amends, they claim I have less than a couple months left to life."

"And what if I don't want to?'

"Then you don't have to. I don't know if you could ever find it in your heart to forgive me. But I would at least want to try." She hands me a some papers. "This here is my number and where I am staying."

"And what's this?" I ask.

"It's a letter. You can read it whenever. I hope that explains more in depth." my mom smiles. She gets up leaving just how she came.

*

After getting home I debate on weather I should open the letter, even if I was curious to see what's inside. I bit my lip, thinking about everything she had said. She was sick. My mother was sick. The woman who brought me into this world would soon leave it.

Although if she was dying it did not excuse all the things she'd done. Things she'd missed. Birthdays, graduations, mental breakdowns. She never got to explain or help me with my first period. My first heart break. She never told me what life would be like for a teenage girl. She never got to do anything, and I guess she never will. I expected her to do so much for me, and she didn't. And yet I should do this for her.

After a couple hours of thinking about the matter, I finally decide to open the letter and begin reading.

To my sweet Amelia,

I know it's been a while since we've last saw each other. Although it may not seem like it, I've missed you. Your beautiful smile. Your contagious laugh that used to light up my world on the bad days. You were bright as the sun, illuminating every dark thing in my path.

Despite what it may seem, I regret leaving you, dearly. When I became pregnant with you I was a lost young girl. I didn't know what I wanted, who I wanted to be, but I knew I never wished to become a mother. I tried to push the feelings away. I stayed for your father and you, even if for a while. But life for me became harder. I began to dwell on the past of 'what could've been'. And I began to resent your father, myself and even you.

I could not handle it anymore, the feeling was eating me on the inside. So I vanished. I left you both. I felt it was easier to leave then to remain and be a burden. So I became a distant memory. My dreams were fulfilled but they meant nothing for I had to lose everything to gain them.

I never reached out. I felt it was too late to fix the mistakes my past self had made. When the doctors found my cancer, I felt like my whole world had collapsed. Everything I had worked so hard to gain and slipped through my fingertips. Deep down I thought as if I deserved it for all the damage I had done.

After a lot of self convincing I came back, to get to know the beautiful young lady you've become. The extraordinary girl I had left behind. And I do not expect you to welcome me with open arms, and pardon me easily. But I would love a second chance. If you let me. I would hate it if I leave this world not knowing you at all.

My beautiful ray of sunshine. I love you with all of my heart.

Your mother,

Deborah.