The Darkest Tourist

‘Are you sure about this?’

I groaned and rolled my eyes. ‘If I wasn’t, don’t you think I’d have said something one of the other million times you’d asked? Besides, it’s a bit late to be chickening out now, ain’t it?’

‘Not at all, and no-one would call you chicken. Come on, Leigh, this is… this is crazy.’

‘Not the word you want to use.’ I grinned, but Bobby didn’t return it. The storm clouds he’d been carrying for the past week had grown heavier. He’d hated this idea ever since I started planning it, and I felt a twinge of guilt at forcing him to be an accomplice. I needed people I could trust though, so there’s no question of him not coming with me.

‘It’s as good a word as any. I know you’re caught up in the rep this’ll give you-’

‘This ain’t about rep. It’s- it’s…’ So much more, I want to say, but then he’ll ask what more, and I still can’t find the words for it. But ever since this idea planted its hooks in me I’ve needed to see it through. ‘I have to do this. It’s not about rep, Bobby, I promise.’

‘The rep won’t hurt though!’ came a call from the cockpit.

‘Of course it won’t!” I yelled backed and Bobby’s frown deepened again. Any more and he’d disappear in a black hole of disapproval.

‘Please take this seriously, Sam. Her life is on the line here.’

‘Don’t be so dramatic,’ I said.

‘It’s not dramatic. If you’re caught-’

‘Then I won’t get caught. Come on, Bobby, please. Work with me on this.’

Now it was his turn to sigh. ‘I am with you. But please be careful. Don’t forget where you are.’

‘I won’t.’ How could I? That was the whole point of being here.

‘Two minutes to the drop zone!’ Sam called back and it’s action stations.

Bobby triple checked my suit, checked my air tank and all my thrusters. We did a comms check and it was all I could do not to start humming down the line. I was buzzing, more than normal, and only a little bit of that was fear.

‘T minus twenty!’ Sam’s voice rang loud and tinny through my helmet, only adding to my heightened excitement. Bobby gave me the sign for ‘all good’ and I return it, then he’s out of the air lock and ready on the launch.

This is always the worst bit. Waiting for the drop zone, as the airlock doors slowly open and you’re faced with the void. It’s the worst bit and the best bit. The tension and anticipation, and the academic appreciation that it is utterly stupid, sitting snugly next to the stubbornness that says you’ll do anyway. It’s a buzz that makes life worth living, even if it threatens to end you.

The jump pad beneath my feet started to buzz. The zero g kicked in so I let go of the handrails. Rookie mistake avoided already; if you hold the handrails too long you don’t get the full jump, and can end ridiculously out of position. With the limited fuel tanks on the boosters, that could mean life or death. Or at the very least, a wasted trip.

The door lights changed to green and time froze. Then the jump pad launched and everything was a blur.

My vision went dark, with the few sources of light streaking past like comets. My head was full of rushing and my brain filled it in as the sound of the wind, but that’s wrong. There’s no wind here, brain. Only us. The sounds were my breathing and my blood racing and my suit rustling and the comms in my ear crackling and the occasional swear word and my short triumphant laugh. Outside of my suit there is silence. Sound doesn’t travel in a vacuum.

I started to level out from the jump and could finally get my bearings. I’ve not slowed down- there’s nothing to slow me down in a vacuum- but I’ve settled into what I’m doing and can take control. It was a good clean jump, so I don’t need to use my boosters yet to alter my course.

‘How’s it going, Leigh?’ Bobby’s voice snapped in my ear, making me wince.

‘All good. Jump was clean, I’m flying well.’

‘Good. Any trouble yet?’

I scanned my surroundings. ‘A couple of their ships about, but they’re too far away to notice me. I can sneak through, just as planned.’

‘Good. Don’t forget, these aren’t just law enforcement you’re dealing with. The Fanatics don’t care about doing things by the book or through legal channels, and-’

‘And they have to realise I’m here first. Relax, I’ll be fine. What about you two, have they spotted you yet?’

Sam cut in. ‘Not yet, looks like. We haven’t slowed though, so they should think we’re just passing by. Pick up will need to be smooth as hell though.’

‘It’s a good thing we practise it so often then, isn’t it?’

Sam chuckled, but I could hear Bobby’s frown. He’d keep frowning until we were back at the station; I wasn’t going to waste any more breath on him right now.

‘You’ve got two hours,’ Sam said, ‘then we’ll pull you out. I doubt you’ll reach the epicentre-’

‘It’ll be close enough. Thanks for covering me on this one.’

‘Don’t worry. Just keep your camera rolling and your eyes open. The Fanatics won’t care about your pilgrimage or your followers.’

‘I can handle the Fanatics. You just make sure that Bobby doesn’t wear a hole in the ship.’

I flicked my comm onto mute, only for a minute or two. Bobby would bluster for a bit- he’d still be going when I turned it back- but for now I wanted peace. Silence to appreciate where I was.

There was nothing before me. The usual sprinkling of stars far off, but nothing nearby. There was a specific void, though I may have imagined that, knowing where I was. A light scattering of debris seemed to mark a circular shape, but I knew from my history lessons that there hadn’t been enough left to actually leave any debris. All of this was the scatterings of visitors and other pilgrims, a circumference of memorials. No other pilgrims dared to come inside, like I was doing.

Then of course, circling the void like sharks round a corpse, were the Fanatics’ ships. In their mind this place was sacred, which I privately agreed with. But they expressed their belief by denying entry to everyone else, and guarding it from all interference. I expressed my belief in its divinity by hurtling myself through the void into it, in nothing but a flimsy space suit.

During a deep space flight, the hardest thing is keeping track of speed and time. The only things you can see are so far away that they could’ve already exploded and you wouldn’t know yet, so there’s no reference point for you to follow. In an atmosphere I would’ve been moving impossibly fast. Out here, I couldn’t tell I was moving at all. I kept one eye on my locational chart, working out how far into the core I’d gotten, how far I was likely to get. I used my thrusters sparingly; their fuel was even more limited than my oxygen.

My camera was rolling, but I kept commentary to a minimum. Maybe I’d fill it in later with something witty, or something profound, but for now I wanted the silence. This jump was for me, even though I let all my followers fund it.

I could feel the weight of the place now. Once there were mountains, and oceans, millions of tonnes of rock and water, and so many lives. All those thoughts, all those dreams, all those hopes and fears… now nothing but dust.

Not even dust. Void, the blackness of space that makes the stars shine brightly. Their absence makes the rest of space that bit brighter.

It was nearly suffocating, so I switched on my recording mic.

‘Here I am,’ I said. ‘This is it. This is where we all began. I am privileged to be here, but know that I am here for all of us. I carry your spark too, dearest listeners.’ I didn’t think that at all. This was my pilgrimage, and if I could’ve done it without even Bobby and Sam I would’ve done. At least then I could’ve enjoyed the majesty of the occasion, without some mother hen old freighter pilot pestering me about Fanatics.

They were onto something though, the Fanatics. Of course I didn’t agree with the violence they used to keep people away (crucifixion? Really? In this day and age?), but they were right to try and preserve this space. Even my own little social call felt too loud, too intrusive. I wasn’t going to call the mission early though.

Knowing that I wouldn’t reach the middle of the void in the time I had, I opened my data pad on my wrist strap and got to work. The angles were all wrong, and every now and then my movement caused things to shift too much, but for the most part I managed it.

I floated through the void that was once home, and gazed at the stars. There was the Dig Dipper, Ursa Minor, Canis Major and Orion and there Apus, Phoenix, Tucana and Circinus. Spinning gently on my path I could watch all of them, tracing their patterns in the sky, remembering as much of their lore as I could.

What did they think of, these people who catalogued the stars?

‘These are the stars that guided humanity,’ I said to my followers, ‘that called us from the earth and showed us the way to space. They inspired, guided and watched over us for millennium. These are our original guiding lights. We must remember them.’

And oh, I would remember them. This, my sacred pilgrimage to the birth place of our species, this trip that was all mine, with no-one around for thousands of kilometres-

Old, well used instincts kicked in. I wasn’t alone.

I swung my head left and right. Nothing. But I would swear, this feeling in my gut, this prickling on the back of neck-

With a gasp I looked up.

The craft, a small shuttle, was directly above me. I was an idiot. I’d been so distracted by the history of the place that I’d forgotten the most basic rule of space. There are always three dimensions for approach.

It wasn’t close enough to grab me yet, but it was close enough that I could read the name on the side of it. The words ‘The Society for the Protection of the Sacred Birth Place’ had been scrawled over with the simple word, ‘Fanatics’. They had embraced their colloquial name, and had assumed that it meant they could be all the more ruthless. The graffiti was in red, and had dripped ominously.

They were drifting slowly towards me, prowling like a hunting tiger. But I couldn’t play pretend that they hadn’t seen me. My suit was bright blue; it had to be, or Sam would never find me for pick up. All I could do was run, and hope to out run them long enough for Sam to come and snatch me.

Damn it all, Bobby would never let me live this down. I prayed he would get a chance to never let me live this down.

I clicked on my audio recorder again.

‘And it’s gonna be a hot one, folks!’ I said, forcing excitement into my voice that I couldn’t feel over the ice in my gut. ‘The Fanatics have had enough of my partying, so I think it’s time I said goodbye. Hold onto to your bits, folks!’

I cut the audio and opened my comm mic. ‘Coming in hot, Sam, where you at?’

Bobby swore. ‘They found you?’

‘Got one of them tailing me as I speak.’ I didn’t think it was worth mentioning that I was technically tailing it, given it was flying directly ahead of me, or that it was worth saying that it was close and getting close by the second. Wow, I had been stupid to get this close to it.

‘Damn it, Leigh, this is exactly-’

‘And I did it anyway, Bobby, get over it. Now get me out of here or you two are out of a pay check.’

‘I’ve got eyes on you, Leigh,’ Sam said. ‘But I can’t get to you around that thing. We can outrun it if you get me a head start. They’re fatter than we are.’

I snorted. Our drop ship was slimline, pared to the bone, all essentials and no luxuries, not even doors between our sleeping bunks. The Fanatics were obviously not as fanatical about protecting this graveyard as were about getting the clicks.

Sam was right though. I needed to think smart if I was going to give us the space to run. Smart and reckless. Good thing that was my speciality.

‘I’m going for a fly-by,’ I said. Sam’s chuckling was almost lost under Bobby’s string of curses. ‘No time to argue folks. I’m going in 5-’

I checked the thruster controls in my palms. All felt good, I just hoped that was the case.

‘4-’

I looked about me one last time. Was their departure as desperate and dramatic as mine was?

‘3-’

I triple-checked my recording equipment. This wasn’t something I ever intended on doing again.

‘2-’

I took a deep breath and forced the tension from my shoulders.

‘1-’

I looked up, at the Fanatics vessel, and gave the most over-exaggerated reaction I could. Limbs out in shock, a sudden jerk of surprise. I even did my best WTF face, though I hoped they couldn’t see that much detail.

It worked. The ship flared up, spot lights on, engines cranking up to full burn.

‘Now!’

I snapped my body together, streamlined and palms down. My fingers spasmed onto all four buttons for the boosters. Both wrists and my heels erupted. My stomach lurched and my head swam as I raced forward. Straight towards the Fanatics’ ship.

There was a brief moment of visual connection. Looking forward I could see the ship get closer, and I saw the look of panic on the pilot’s face. Eyes wide he froze. Just what I had wanted.

I winked just at the moment I shifted my arm. Rather than slamming into the viewport, I skimmed it and raced off, straight behind them. The red graffiti passed inches from my eyes.

I was at full speed now, with nothing to slow me down. The alarms for my boosters sounded in my helmet and I cut the power to them. Just enough juice left for two more blasts, at a push.

There was nothing more I could do now. I didn’t even look back, though that meant that every second I expected to feel the jerk of a traction line snagging my ankle. Seeing them right behind me would make me use the last of my power though, and then I really would be vulnerable. At least at the moment I could stop if I needed.

Once more my head was filled with the rushing of my own blood, the manic pounding of my heart. There was a desperate edge to it that I’d never heard during a jump. It’s strange, the things we notice when our lives are in danger

And then there it was- a flash of pale blue in the blackest night. My own north star, sweeping down to guide me home. I wanted to steer to it but knew I had to hold my course. Sam had more power to work with, they could come to me.

Assuming that wouldn’t plough them straight into the Fanatics’ ship behind me.

‘How’s it looking, Sam?’ I asked. My voice was tight, and I hated how obvious my fear was.

‘Not now!’

I mouthed curses instead. If he got me out of this I’d owe him my life. I’d also slap him.

Light flared around me. The Fanatics.

‘No!’

I couldn’t breath, couldn’t believe this was happening. The flash of blue was gone. Hidden by the light, or had they bailed? I was still racing through space, but I could see the Fanatics’ approach by the changing of their lights in my helmet. They were gaining. They would catch me. I was going to die-

Something slammed into my body and my vision went black. I could taste blood in my mouth, smell it in my helmet, feel my body being battered. I’d never felt such pity for laundry before, as I was tumbled and rinsed and spun.

Then finally it settled. My eyes succeeded in working, and I could see the light. A figure came out of it.

‘Leigh? Leigh!’

How did the Fanatics know my name?

‘Leigh? Stars around, Leigh, answer me, you idiot!’

There was only one person with a bedside manner like that. I blinked until the light dimmed, and Bobby’s face emerged.

‘Hey,’ I managed.

‘Oh, thank god. You’re an idiot, you know that?’

‘I believe you’ve mentioned it.’ My ship. Sam had swooped in and snatched me right out from under the Fanatics’ noses, almost killing me in the process. I sat up and did a body check- all limbs present and bits moving- then clicked my audio recorder on again.

‘Me again folks, safely back on board. Not even the Fanatics can stop us, but I can say, mission accomplished. Thanks for all the support, being sure to like and share the video!’

I cut all the power and collapsed back on the floor. ‘I did,’ I muttered, ‘I have seen our stars.’