Get Loud

You’ve put it off long enough. What’s the point in hiding? Hiding means you think you’re doing something wrong. You’re not wrong, you’re right. You’ve spent enough time unlearning everything the world tried to press into you about fitting a specific mold. Nobody fits a mold. You know that now. Everything that isn’t the truth is a lie. Remember that. Stop pretending to be something you’re not.

The first step is to be real. The real real. Get rid of the fake, the false, the façade. Sure, you were good years ago but lately? Rubbish. It’s the way you move your body. The way you look at things. The way your mouth moves when you’re thinking really hard about something. Every little thing about you confirms what you know and they suspect. You can’t hide forever. It’s as if every fiber of your being is fighting the part of you that wants to hide. The real real wants to get out. It’s time.

You know they have suspicions. They have to. They’re not that dense. Sure they are absent sometimes like most parents are but you can’t live with someone and see them every day and not know. You’ve seen the way they look at you. That momentary pause when they talk about things. That tensed face like somethings about to crash to the floor when certain things get brought up. But that face. You worry about that face. Is it the kind of face that is saying “Please let’s go around this” or “Oh no not this again?” Do you care? You don’t need to care. This is your life. Not theirs. The whole back and forth is like dancing in a ballroom full of mousetraps. It’s ridiculous and needless. Who is it benefitting? No one, that’s who.

Accept that it won’t be easy. Look at where you live. It’s not the most understanding place in the world. They don’t call it the Bible Belt because they’re super progressive and woke. You need to understand that even in the tempest of red hats that there are pockets of where you can fit in. there are places where it’s not as bad. Don’t get confused it will still be bad, but not AS bad and that’s better than nothing.

You’ve felt this way for so long. You might think “if it ain’t broke don’t fix it” or “its best left alone” or don’t make a fuss. Don’t rock the boat. Millions of people, in the countless ages, before you have done it all the way to the grave and what did it cost them in the end? Happiness? Sanity? Self-preservation? You could live without that for the next 60 years.

Oh that’s right, your family has super genes. Your grandfather was what, like a 100 when he died. Was he? There was no way. Was your grandmother? Who knows? The so called greatest generation was the greatest at suppressing their emotions for the greater good. Depression triggered by famine leading to war? Fuck it, grow a victory garden and buy some war bonds. This country’s not gonna fall on its ass cause you got into your feelings. Stuff that shit deep down. Repress and move on. Never mind that sentimental shit, this is about you. What you need to do. What you know you need to do.

This is it. That definable moment in someone’s life where they are given a moment on a silver platter to do the right thing and they act and history remembers them forever. You think George Washington wanted to cross the Delaware in the freezing ass cold? No. But he did it because destiny called him to it. Some people say there’s no such thing as destiny and that’s because they’re NPCs. Nobody writes story’s about the guy who didn’t climb the mountain. Destiny is in your horizon and you gotta slam on the gas pedal and run that bitch over. Make your mark. Full steam ahead. Once more into the breach. All that fun stuff. Go for the throat.

They’re down there right now. You know they are you can hear the canned laughter from that dumb sitcom they watch. Of course you can hear it. The neighborhood can hear it because they don’t need hearing aids. They’re still young. The AARP just sends them shit as a goof. Step by step. Build that courage with every inch you get closer until you’re right in front of them and standing a mile high. Make yourself a behemoth and impassable giant that breathes in discomfort and exhales positivity.

Nevermind the fact that every step you take is like walking deeper and deeper into a swamp of freshly poured concrete, you are making progress. You’re moving forward. One day this is going to be an adorable anecdote you tell your friends. You’ll look back on this moment and laugh about how nervous you were. How you ALMOST didn’t go through with it but in the end you knew it needed to be done and that you would come through the darkness and discover the person you were always supposed to be.

This will be that cute story you tell when you are talking at your book signing event or at the opening of your exhibit at a big art gallery. It could be anything and that’s the thing you need to remember. So many people are focusing on telling you that these are the best years of your life but look at you! Living with your parents, no job, no freedom, and no cutlass supreme. Yes I know you want a damn cutlass supreme. Everyone wants a cutlass supreme! You know how happier you’re gonna be in the future without this on your chest with the windows down hauling ass in your cutlass supreme? At least ten times happier. A level of happiness you can’t even begin to imagine right now but that’s okay because this is the beginning. The first step.

Do you know what all those people have in common? The ones that tell you these are the best years of your life? They’re old. Old as balls. They don’t know shit anymore. They think the old days were good because nostalgia’s a bitch that makes you remember the good times more clearly than the bad times. Sure life gets harder but only because you have to pay bills. Everybody has to pay bills its called life. If they want to bitch about they’re free to do so just don’t take it out on the younger generation. You have plenty of time to learn about it without them being assholes about it.

Damn, those steps are getting slower. Are you having a stroke? What’s going on? You’re not chickening out on me? You better not be. You are within ten yards of becoming the person you want to be. That’s first down numbers. You can win the freaking game, just keep moving.

Last step. Both feet are on the floor which means you haven’t fallen over which means it’s not over. You think this must be what it was like for the first people to walk on the moon. Okay slow down it’s not that damn big. But keep moving. Remember you’re a behemoth, no one can stop you as long as you keep moving.

You can see the glow from the TV. You make sure to wait for a commercial break. You’re not an idiot. You can’t just barge into the show that’ll stack whatever odds you have of an easy mission going full FUBAR. Apparently it’s the longest show in America. But that shit doesn’t matter because the grand spectacle that is locally produced commercials. The kind your mother loves and your father hates. He has the remote so he’s going to mute it and then BAM. Silence. The scene is set. The curtain is drawn. The audience is seated. Now you just need to go out there but you don’t need to act. You’re done with that. It’s time for the truth. You’ve earned it. You deserve it. You need it. You draw a breath and step onto the stage.