Even Dreamers

Sabrina sat in the cool damp grass and gazed up at the glistening stars, losing herself to thought.

Stars. Beacons of light and hope for all the lost souls. Both majestic and mysterious. The very definition of beautiful.

It mesmerized her to think that the only star in our galaxy is the sun and that every star in the night sky is bigger and brighter than it. She wished she could reach out and grab one. Of course, that would more than likely result in death. She began collecting her thoughts as she started naming the constellations she could see.

The Big Dipper, also recognized as Ursa Major, Little Dipper, Orion, Taurus, and Gemini.

Her father was crazy about astrology and it captivated her, too. After he passed away, every night it became routine to lie down in the grass and look. 

“If we look close enough, our souls will long for the night. The pain from before will cease to exist. We will long for the hope that they bring for the next day,” Sabrina verbally quoted her dad. 

You could tell the difference between a star and planet by seeing if it twinkles, or in other cases, looks like it is changing colors. If it twinkles (or changes color), it’s a star. If not, it’s a planet. 

Stars don’t really twinkle. It’s just the air and light waves make it seem the way. The distance also plays a factor, so that’s why planets don’t “twinkle.” 

Sabrina stretched her gaze farther left in the sky. She remembered her dad mentioning that when you see a star, you’re only seeing what it looked like in the past. For example, the appearance of Sirius is more than 8 years old.

Maybe the distance plays a part in seeing the past stars. I don’t know. 

Her eyes were filled with curiosity as she continued staring at the black, moonless night. It was best to stargaze on a new moon. The vast and infinite thing known as space filled her with more want. She wanted to know everything about space and not just what was in the textbooks. She wanted to know everything that no one knew, or possibly, ever would. When her father was alive, he told her that astronomers have already found that the universe is constantly changing. The galaxies are moving farther apart, resulting in less ability to reach them.

So disappointing. I will never know more than I already do. 

Her father’s soft face flooded her mind. The stars always reminded her of him. He had a small sparkle in his eyes. 

Probably from looking at the stars too long, Sabrina thought with a laugh.

The memory sent a dark emotion that overcame her. She hated the feeling. It made her feel desperate and pathetic. She only wanted happiness from her father, not this. Not sadness. Sure, he was gone, but he was with her.

He’s with me. In the stars, gazing down on me the way he looked at stars. He loves me the way he loves the stars.

With the thought, the warmth came back. She knew she was right. She had to believe it. The peaceful silence of the night once again reminded her of space. Space is completely silent. There is nowhere for sound waves to go, so they stay nowhere resulting in silence. 

Silence. No room for anything to get in the way. In space, nothing can get in the way. Heck, not even sound.

Sabrina took another look around at the star-lit sky. She saw an oval shape in the sky. She immediately recognized it as a galaxy. Considering the time of year and night, she decided it must be The Andromeda Galaxy. It was marvelous. 

Man, it is amazing! I wonder if Dad ever saw it. I mean, he probably did. It was his job. I want to study space. No, I want to go to space. I want to do it all!

Sabrina sat up in the damp grass and felt a cool breeze through her hair. It felt good. It felt familiar. Sabrina knew what she wanted for her birthday in a week. 

A telescope.

With a telescope, things would be more clear. Stars she didn’t see before would be unveiled. With the optical aid, she could see more comets and meteor showers when they were due. She could be closer to reaching her dreams that seemed so out of reach. She would be one step closer to what she held in her heart. Her father’s dream had become hers, and she planned to achieve it. Or, some of it, at least. Through her, their shared dream would be more realistic than ever! If only her mother were part of it, too. 

I wish Mom shared a common interest with me. She never was a fan. She hated how long Dad spent in his office. He spent his time there for me. If only she understood.

Sabrina didn’t remember a time when her mom supported her. Or, in fact, her father. The dream became more distant as she thought about it. The only person who wanted her to succeed was gone. 

I don’t think I can do it without my Dad. I need him.

With another look upwards, Sabrina recognized her dad was also closer than ever before. He may not be here, but he was with her. Through space, stars, and their infinite shared passion. Sabrina looked at her watch surprised to see three hours had passed. It was time to head in. The stars seemed to be still during the time. When she sat under the dark sky, the world fell away. She let herself go elsewhere. Her mind was lost in space. Her dreams remained up there, too. Someplace far, far away. She took one last look at the deep, star-filled sky and couldn’t help but think:

Maybe I’ll be the one to get there. Maybe my dreams are like a star. Seemingly small, but much larger. My dreams may be as vast, big, and infinite as space itself, but that doesn't make it impossible.