Beautiful Catastrophe

My life is very plain and simple. Wake up, work, home, repeat. It was like clockwork, and I loved it that way. That's how it's supposed to be, Monday through Saturday. I Struggle to get out of bed sharp and early, just to make it to work every day. Today is the same as yesterday, how was I supposed to know she would see through everything I worked so hard to build. I'm sitting just scrolling through the lists of contacts to call, listening to the constant clicking of keyboards and obnoxious conversations of my coworkers. My bright fake smile as I put my customer service voice on to speak to people over the phone. Everyone who works at this office knows, and absolutely adores me. It can be irritating, since they talk to me non-stop. As soon as I hang up my phone call, I get pulled into a conversation between a couple people. They always bug me about going out to clubs, never really being my scene, I have to make up creative excuses to decline. I'm always bright and bubbly, making sure to be sweet and funny to everyone around here. None of them have ever questioned me, only ever loved me, saying I was a hyperactive sweetheart. Exactly what I want them to see, it makes things run smoother. I hate things being complicated, I made a decision to create a face that people could adore, and I'd be left alone. I don't need others thinking they could fix me or pity me. There's no point in making people feel as if they have to worry about someone as insignificant as I am. I was at this job to make money and go home, anything more was an inconvenience. So, when I walk into those doors, my mask goes on, and I become the person people want me to be. Every day is the same, I keep the friendly banter to a minimum and don't go passed my boundaries. That's what I was hoping for, but after some time I guess I got the attention of an absolutely stunning Latina woman. I'll admit she was definitely entertaining, I started to wear shorter and tighter dresses and watch as she'd blush and become so flustered. She was a game I was tempted to win. We started to go out for lunch breaks together, but I kept my cute little facade for the next couple of weeks. Before I realized what was happening, I fell in love with her, very hard. She became way more than a game to me; I wanted her and vice versa, she was my muse. She always went on about how much she loved my giggling, how I always was smiling, that I was always happy. She loved my mask, and when I drop it then she'd drop me, just a matter of time. But I lived for her, she was the highlight of that miserable office building. If I played correctly maybe I could have her, and I'd be hers. I decided that I couldn't lose her, I'd do anything it took to be with her. It's been a couple months and I thought everything was going as planned, we'd meet in the bathrooms and hallways as little rendezvous. Every conversation we had brought us closer together, I became more attached to her. The peaceful dates we'd gone on, from picnics to dinners. I fell so deeply for this woman; I was a lovesick mess. I listened to every word she said, remembering as many details as possible that could be useful. She was lactose intolerant but enjoyed oat milk in her coffee or matcha. I'd keep in mind her favorite bands and songs, just in case they had a concert in town. I took mental notes of absolutely everything I could, just so I could give her the life she deserved. It was truly bliss, until my facade shattered. We met in the back stairwell; it was always abandoned so we could speak freely. We were laughing and going on about things in our lives. And that's when she decided to tell me that she was aware I was hiding behind a mask so thick that even she was worried I wouldn't be able to take it off. Of course, I was shocked, and she could see it written plainly on my face. Of course, I was, she was concerned for me, and it made my heart ache. I knew I never wanted to worry her, now that I know she sees who I am. She went on to explain that she watches when no one is around me how my face turns from a bright happy one to a blank stare that looks pained and in deep thought. She started on about how much she loved that even though I was going through the things that are causing pain, that I still come to work with a cheerful attitude even though it's fake. I was still silent in awe, staring at this gorgeous girl in front of me. She saw through me and was still here with me. She was still rambling about me, so I decided to shut her up, I kissed her and held her close to me, feeling like static running through my body. I have always suffered with multiple mental illnesses; I have never felt true comfort, until now that is. I was able to spill everything to her, my whole life story. She witnessed the deepest part of me, a part I never thought anyone would ever see. These parts I keep hidden are usually enough to devore me into a void of depression and numbness. I was completely and utterly broken. A puzzle that was missing pieces, never being able to feel whole. But she was everything I never knew I needed, as if she was gluing pieces of myself back together. She is my safe haven, the only one I have ever dropped my guard for. And we loved each other, she was my reason I could finally drop my facade. And it was a beautiful catastrophe.