Talking in Circles

“Didn’t we just pass that?”

“What?”

“That bush with the purple berries. I remember because it was under that tree with the scratched bark.”

“Maybe. I’m starting to get scared, Jason.”

“You’re scared of everything, Lisa.”

“Yeah, but that could be a sign of something ACTUALLY scary. Like a bear or mountain lion.”

“Hey, who would win, do you think?”

“What?”

“If they had to fight each other. A bear and a mountain lion. I mean, they live in the same area. They’re destined to tee off at least once.”

“Why do you do this, Jason?”

“What?”

“You bring up these stupid hypotheticals at the absolute worst times. When we were at my Granddad’s funeral you did the same thing.”

“Well, wondering what outfit you’d choose for your casket is a really good question. I didn’t want it to slip my mind!”

“YOU DON’T BLURT THAT OUT IN THE MIDDLE OF A FUNERAL!”

“I don’t get why you’re yelling. I was just showing interest in things you like. It’s exactly what you told me we were having problems with.”

“That’s not what I meant, Jason! And you know it.”

“Ok, then give me an example.”

“Fine. Remember last week when we were at Macy’s, and I pulled Zendaya’s new perfume off the glass counter and sprayed some on my wrist? And then I told you how much I loved her and was excited for her new movie?”

“Yeah?”

“That would have been a good time to ask, ‘What movie? Maybe we should see it next week.’”

“’Oh.”

“Instead, you said…”

“’This perfume would make any dog within fifty miles want to kill itself.’”

“Exactly.”

“Well, it’s mutual. You ignore me just as much as I ignore you.”

“No I do not.”

“Yeah, too. Just yesterday I was telling you all about Mikey’s new bong. And you know I don’t smoke- “

“And I better not ever catch you…”

“Oh, of course babe. Smoking’s for losers. But this thing, it’s like a lost Michelangelo contraption. There’s little gears and flaps and the whole thing fills up like a steam room. It takes like fifteen seconds to hit your lips, but when it does, the taste is just incr-”

“What’s that?”

“Nothing! I just heard the taste is incredible. Anyways, it was like a two-minute story, and when I finished it, all you said was ‘damn, that’s crazy.’ I know what that means, Lisa!”

“It was crazy!”

“No, it wasn’t. Interesting, maybe. But not crazy. THIS is crazy.”

“Yeah, it’s crazy that you couldn’t keep us on a hiking path that’s LITERALLY called Never Lost Loop.”

“Ha-ha-ha. Very funny, Lisa. Good reading skills. Teachers call that ‘retention.’ Maybe if you had a bit more retention on those PSAT’s you wouldn’t be bumping shoulders with me at Grover Community.”

“Oh, so you’re saying you wish we’d never met.”

“I never said that. But I think, under your leadership, we still would have gotten lost walking Never Lost Loop.”

“SO YOU’RE SAYING I’M STUPID.”

“Well, you’re no Bong Michelangelo.”

“Ah! I knew it! You think you’re smarter than me!”

“Not quite. But I’m taking Circuits 2, Virtual Machines and Electromagnetics. You’re taking Introduction to Sociology, Creative Writing 1 and Public Speaking. We’re not the same.”

“Yeah, well after this you’re never getting access to my circuits ever again.”

“Ah, what? You don’t want to do that.”

“It’s not that I don’t want to, Jason, I’m just afraid I’m too STUPID to figure it out!”

“Ok. Please don’t do that?”

“Sorry, I already made up my mind.”

“What if I wear… the construction hat?”

“Nope. Not doing it.”

“I’ll even put on the hi-vis vest.”

“…we might be able to work something out.”

“There’s my girl!”

“Ugh. Jason. It’s getting dark.”

“Yeah, it is. I’ll try to call someone.”

“Have you had battery this whole time?”

“Yup.”

“We’ve been walking for two hours! You never thought to call someone?”

“Well… we were having such nice conversation.”

“And I’m the stupid one.”

“Hardy-har-har. You’re the one who blew 95% of your battery on TikTok. So don’t discredit the hero here, Lisa.”

“Hero’s a stretch.”

“Hmmm… I’ve got no bars.”

“No bars?”

“None. I wonder where the bars hide when the trees come around.”

“Hide?”

“Yeah. Like if they’re sucked back in the satellites because they’re scared of the trees or something.”

“Why would they be scared?”

“The trees are the ugly, overgrown cousins of the telephone poles. The telephone poles are the kings of bar country- the trees are the peasants”

“You are an absolute moron. Let me see your phone.”

“Why?”

“I just want to see if you’ve got a bad touch for service.”

“That’s not how it works.”

“Oh yeah? You learn that in circuits?”

“Uh, well no. But I really don’t think you need to see- hey!”

“Shhhh. Ok, I’m not getting anything either. Maybe if we just try to call someone…”

“Uh…”

“Stephanie. Who’s that?”

“My… aunt?”

“Hmm. Your aunt’s name is Donna.”

“How do you know that?”

“I have all your contacts in my hand, Jason.”

“Shiiiiiiit.”

“So you’re cheating on me?”

“No, I swear. She’s just a classmate in Circuits. Homework help, believe me. I just didn’t say anything because I knew you’d freak-”

“YOU’RE.”

“out…”

“CHEATING.”

“over…”

“ON”

“nothing.”

“ME!?”

“Ah! Ouch! How’d you take your shoe off that fast!”

“You- freaking- jerk- why- do- I- like- you- in- the- first- place!”

“I’m sorry! I’m sorry! UNCLE!”

“I’m hoping… someone heard you… scream like a little girl.”

“I hope you’re right. But we’re definitely alone without service. What now?”

“I guess we keep walking. Oh, but I’m starting to get hungry!”

“We’ll find you something, Lisa.”

“I’m not fun to be around hungry, Jason.”

“Oh, I know. Remember in the McDonalds drive-through lane? When the McFlurry station was down?”

“It takes everything to forget that day.”

“Big Mac sauce… on… every… windshield.”

“I’ve been getting better. Taking little snacks throughout the day. Handful of nuts here, avocado toast there. Maybe even some… berries! Look, over there, some purple ones!”

“Hey… didn’t we just pass that?”