Epione

Staring through the window of the local pharmacy, Caitlin watched the intricate patterns as rivulets of rain sparkled against the contrasting backdrop of city lights and the dark, moonless night. She knew it was wrong but couldn’t seem to stop herself from filling the prescription and tucking it into her purse where it wouldn’t be noticed. In fact, she had started and stopped herself from coming so many times she had only just arrived before the pharmacy was due to close.

Her face burned with embarrassment as the pharmacist made a point of setting the bottle down harder than was strictly necessary and closing the roll down window before she had even had a chance to turn away from the counter. Clearly he’d had a long day and simply wanted to go home. Well, it was late, and she’d had a lousy day too. In truth, the past few months hadn’t been so great. She was tired—emotionally and physically exhausted.

Walking home in the evening drizzle without an umbrella had only served to lower her mood further. Setting the bottle of bright blue pills on her nightstand, a single thought pulsed through her brain, pushing all other thoughts aside. Do it now, the voice in her head persisted.

“No,” she murmured to herself, firmly pushing the thought aside, “there are still loose ends to tie up. There can be no loose ends. I’ll do it tomorrow.”

              ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Walking along the tree-shaded street, Caitlin hesitated in front of the liquor store. Having been raised in a strict church going family she wasn’t much of a drinker—in fact, she could only remember having two drinks in her life: a glass of champagne at her cousin’s wedding and a mixed drink that her roommate had thrust upon her at the fraternity party last spring. The extent of her knowledge about alcohol consisted of three years of watching her roommates drinking every weekend and listening to them moaning with their hangovers the next day.

Staring up at the garish sign, she weighed her options. “Just get it,” she scolded herself, shaking her head at her own timidity. “It’s not a big deal, and you’re going to need it later.”

As her eyes adjusted to the dim light, the array of bottles overwhelmed her. Wine she recognized, but the rest was merely a sea of labels. Trying to look like she knew what she was doing, Caitlin stepped into the nearest aisle. Some of the names sounded familiar, probably something one of her friends had drank. Great, she thought, chewing on her lower lip pensively, I have no idea what I’m looking for. She felt a familiar sensation creeping over her as she realized she was losing her nerve. Grabbing the first bottle she saw with a name she had heard before, she made her purchase and headed for home.

Funny that a little thing like choosing a drink had caused her to break out in a sweat when her plans for later that evening gave her no particular anxiety. She supposed that was because her present course of action was well thought out, but buying the alcohol was unfamiliar territory—less familiar. She always felt better, more in control, when she had a plan.

Closing the door of her apartment behind her, Caitlin pondered whether she should refrigerate it or not but opted to leave it at room temperature. Walking over to a desk in the corner, she sat down, pulled a sheaf of papers toward her, and began filling them out. After what felt like the better part of the afternoon had passed, she shuffled them together into a neat pile, laid her pen across the top, and stood up, her hair brushing against one of the lower tendrils of the spider plant in the hanging pot above her. No time, she thought, but those babies do need to be removed and sprouted. If she had time, she would do it right then and give the new plants to her neighbors. She didn’t like to put things off, but looking at the clock, she realized she couldn’t do that now.

 Another loose end, she fumed inwardly.

Pushing the thought away was difficult, but she had bigger things on her mind, and she couldn’t afford to get distracted. With that decision she marched to the kitchen, opened the liquor bottle, took a glass from the cupboard, and poured a small portion of the amber liquid into it. Closing her eyes, she took a quick swallow. Initially it was okay, then suddenly she was gasping for breath, her eyes streaming.

“Ugh!” she exclaimed. “How can they drink this stuff?”

Taking a few moments to collect herself, Caitlin set the glass down and slumped into a chair.

“This isn’t going to work,” she moaned to herself. Running her fingers through her hair, she got up and slowly made her way to the patio window. Looking out into the evening twilight, she began chewing her lip, thinking hard.

She had never seen her friends drink it straight, and now she knew why. What had they done to make it taste better? After a moment’s contemplation, a mental image materialized. A table with several bottles of hard liquor played through her mind, and soda—yes, that’s right, they had mixed it with different kinds of soda.

Grabbing her keys, she practically flew out of the door, heading back down the street toward the local convenience store. Slowing her pace as she got closer, she repeated to herself, “Relax, you’re going to get through this. Take it one step at a time.”

As she came up to the back of the store, a soft, plaintive mewing sound arrested her attention. Glancing about in the shadows, she saw a tiny gray kitten huddled by one of the trash bins, looking up at her.

Smiling, she bent down and without thinking began petting it gently.

“Hi baby,” she whispered, “what are you doing here?”

Pleased to have her attention, the kitten mewed louder and pushed its head against her hand insistently.

Despite the other thoughts racing through her head, Caitlin couldn’t help taking a minute to give the little mite some attention, but after a couple of minutes she stopped.

“Go on now,” she coaxed, giving the kitten a gentle nudge toward the alley, “go on back home.”

Standing up, she walked toward the store while sneaking a look to see if it was still there.

Ugh, why did you pet that cat? She mentally chided herself, now it’s going to try to follow you.

She slipped into the store, shutting the door quickly so the kitten couldn’t follow. Maybe it would get tired of waiting and leave, or perhaps it would follow someone else. Anyway, she couldn’t be dealing with that right now.

Pacing in front of the drink cooler, she tried to decide which soda would mask the taste of the liquor best. Deciding on a bottle of coke, Caitlin made her way to the front of the store, paid the cashier, and walked out. Sure enough, the kitten was waiting for her. She tried several times to shoo it away, but it had decided she was its friend and would not be deterred.

“Fine,” she sighed. No matter how inconvenient the situation was, she knew she couldn’t leave it there to fend for itself. She’d had some experience with cats over the years, and this one was definitely too young to be out on its own. With a resigned look on her face, she scooped it up in her free hand and cuddled it to her chest as she headed for home.

Placing her bag on the ground, she fished her keys out of her pocket and let herself in. Setting her keys and the bag next to the bottle on the counter, Caitlin pulled out her phone. Fortunately, she still had the after-hours emergency number for the animal shelter that she had volunteered at the year before.

A moment later an agitated voice answered, “Claws and Paws Rescue Shelter. This is the emergency line, how can I help you?”

“Tina, it’s me, Caitlin,” she answered, “I’m sorry to bother you, but I’ve got a really young kitten here. I’m not sure, but it may be too young to be away from its mother. Can you help me?”

“Kiddo,” the weary voice replied, “I am up to my ears in work right now, but we’d better be sure how old it is before you try feeding it anything. How soon can you be here?”

“I can come right now—give me ten minutes.”

Putting the phone down, she shifted the kitten to her other hand and held it up to her face. “You certainly have bad timing, little one, but we’ll get you taken care of.”

Taking a deep breath, Caitlin looked around the room. The apartment was anything but messy, but knowing that she could be gone for several hours and realizing that this was going to put her plans on hold, she felt compelled to clean up. Setting the kitten on the floor so it could explore, she put the bottles of soda and liquor under the sink. Then, going from room to room, she emptied the waste basket by her desk, put the book she had been reading into the shelf, and picking up the bottle of pills from the table beside her bed, put them into the cabinet in the bathroom.

“Okay little one,” she sighed, picking the kitten up and putting it into a shoulder bag where she had folded a towel. “Time to go.”

It was getting late, but Caitlin knew the way and was soon pedaling her bike across town to the shelter. Her knock was quickly answered, and Tina ushered her in to the chaotic scene.

“I’ve had more than twenty dogs and cats brought in today,” she began as they walked back to an exam room, “and two of our volunteers never showed up. It’s been a nightmare.”

Opening the exam room door, she motioned Caitlin to go in. “So, what do we have here,” she asked playfully as Caitlin placed the tiny kitten on the exam table.

“Oh, yes,” she declared, turning the kitten over and examining it carefully. “This little lady is about five weeks old. We could begin weaning her if she were ready, but she hasn’t eaten for a while and is in a weakened condition.”

Caitlin watched as Tina proceeded to take the kitten’s vital signs, checking her for signs of dehydration and fleas. “She will need some special care for a few days,” Tina continued. “I can supply you with formula until she is ready for—"

“Oh, no,” Caitlin interjected, “I was planning to leave her here. I couldn’t possibly take care of her.”

Tina looked up at her in disbelief. “Caitlin, you can see how overwhelmed we are. You of all people, having worked here before, you know how understaffed a place like this is.”

Shaking her head, she handed the kitten back to Caitlin. “I know it’s expensive, so I’ll give you a case of formula, but you will need to take care of her. I simply don’t have enough people on staff to take on a motherless kitten.” One look at Caitlin’s stricken expression, and Tina chuckled softly. “You can do this. I know you can.”

Before she could think of an effective argument, Caitlin found herself at the door with a bag of kitten formula and a sheet of instructions.

“Let me know how she is doing in a day or so,” Tina instructed, “and call if you have any questions. I’ve got to get back to work.”

Back at her apartment Caitlin prepared the formula and fed the kitten. Wrapped in a soft towel to keep it warm, with its stomach full, the furry little visitor slept soundly in her lap.

Struggling with a cascade of emotions, Caitlin realized she was already growing attached to her little fur baby, and after setting an alarm for the kitten’s next feeding, she leaned back into the reclining chair and dozed on and off. In the morning, the kitten was quite improved, and Caitlin woke to the sun shining in her face, feeling better than she had in weeks.

“I suppose if you are staying with me for a while, you should have a name,” she mused. “What shall I call you?”

She watched the kitten tumbling about on the floor for a little while and smiled. When it was time for her to be fed again, she held her in her lap. Then, after cleaning her up, the kitten snuggled into Caitlin’s neck, purring, her tiny little paw stretched out as if giving Caitlin a hug.

While gently cuddling her new friend, Caitlin felt her heart swell, releasing the pain of the past year, and she whispered to her, “I’ll name you Epione, for the Greek goddess, because you are healing my heart, little one.”

At the end of the week, Caitlin, with Epi tucked in her shoulder bag, biked over to the shelter to get an update from Tina on the kitten’s progress.

“She’s thriving,” Tina declared after the exam. “And you look better too. I don’t mind saying, you had me concerned when you were here last time. You weren’t acting like yourself at all. Is everything okay?”

“Everything’s fine,” Caitlin began, but as Tina raised an eyebrow and tilted her head, a tear escaped and ran down Caitlin’s cheek. “Actually, everything isn’t okay, but it will be.”

Tina put an arm around her and asked, “Is there anything I can do?”

Shaking her head, Caitlin smiling self-consciously. “You’ve already done it.”

“I did?”

“Yes, when you sent me home with Epi. I was very low right then, but she needed me. And having someone else counting on me to be there for them gave me a purpose and a reason for living that I hadn’t felt for quite a while. I know I need to get some help, and I need to work on being there for me too, but Epi has taught me to see the sunshine through the shadows.”

Waving goodbye, Caitlin headed back home with a renewed determination to start again.

Putting Epi down as she went inside, Caitlin walked over to the sink, pulled out the liquor bottle, and gravely poured the contents down the sink.

“I won’t be needing that anymore,” she told Epi.

Going to the bathroom cabinet next, she took out the bottle of sleeping pills. “I don’t need these anymore either,” she decided as Epi pawed at her shoelaces. Opening the bottle she poured them into a paper bag of trash, then walking determinedly down the hallway to the incinerator chute she tossed them in.

         ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

That evening, as they sat together watching the sunset from the patio, Caitlin recalled that evening a month earlier when she had found Epi. “Poor abandoned kitty,” she murmured as she stroked the sleeping form in her lap. “We were both lost that night, weren’t we?”

Epi stirred and looked up at Caitlin, pure love radiating from her as she contentedly mewed her response.