Here Again

Charlotte:

It gave me a sense of warmth, of protection. Maybe this was just familiarity or maybe it was the flood of memories flashing through my head in that moment, but I loved it. Walking through the lights, all strung up and twinkling in the trees I felt at home. I used to come here every year when I came home for the holidays, but as the years went on, the childish obsession lost its place in my yearly holiday duties. Coming back here now is like a breathe of fresh air, a reprieve from the stresses of a year in my life. Being here again just feels right.

Liam:

As I walk through the Christmas maze set up every year by the city council I think of all the amazing memories I have of this place. And the not so amazing ones... Yet I still feel happy, joyous even. Maybe its the spiked eggnog getting to my head or maybe its just the idea of being home after so many years. I haven't been back here since the Christmas before I left, almost 6 years ago now. I guess I couldn't tell you what it is, but being here again just feels right.

Charlotte:

I round the corner and I finally find what I've been looking for, the adult eggnog stand. I start off towards it although the foot of snow is slowing me down.

Of course we had to have a record breaking snowfall the one time I decide to come back after 2 years.

I get in line at the stand and bury my head into the neck of my jacket, a childish habit of mine.

I hope this damn line doesn't take too long, I'm expected back home to make my famous apple pie in less than an hour.

Liam:

I decide that its probably time to start heading back home. As I make my way out of the maze of twinkling lights and selfies, I spy another eggnog stand. I down the rest of my nog and start my sludge over to the stand. When I'm about 10 feet away I see something that catches my eye. A girl with her head buried into the neck of her jacket stirs some memories deep in my brain, memories that I have tried not to remember for a very long time.

No way that's her... Theres not a chance in hell that she still comes here after all these years. Do I go say hi? Do I keep walking and forget about the nog?

I decide to just get in line and not say anything to her. Just as I get to the back of the line the three couples in between her and I leave the line, leaving her just feet away from me.

Charlotte:

Do you ever just randomly get that feeling that someone is watching you? Well, I do. I peek my head out from the sanctuary of warmth inside my jacket and start to slowly scan for familiar faces around me. I don't see anyone so I start to bury my face back into my jacket, but just as I do the wind gusts from behind me and throws my hair into my face in the most ungraceful way possible. I turn around to put my face to the wind to fix my hair and there he is. After all these years, all the times I came back here hoping to see him, there he is, standing right in front of me. The wind blows again and I smell the cologne coming off of him. The same scent that I bought him 6 years ago for Christmas. I think we both realized we were just standing there staring at each other because he awkwardly said, "Uh the line moved up."

Startled by the sound of his voice, I spin right back around and shuffle up. From behind me, I hear Liam say, "So how have you been?"

For fear of freezing up again I respond without turning around to face him, "Busy, I work full-time for a public relations firm out of New York, although I'm never there because I travel so much. And on my spare time I edit novels for a friend of mine that owns a publishing company. What've you been up to?"

"Wow... You really did get everything you ever wanted didn't you?"

I turn around to face him this time, fully intent on making it seem like I have my life together but seeing his face I say,

"Yeah almost everything."

Feeling the red creep up my neck, I turn back around. I'm almost to the front of the line now.

Liam:

Almost everything... What does that even mean? She's got her dream job in her dream city what else could she want?

Oh, wait, no. She couldn't be talking about me.

She turned back around while I was in my head. So I walk up to her and tap her on the shoulder. She turns back to me, an inquisitive look on her face.

God I forgot how much I loved that look.

Her face stuns me for a moment, and she says, "Yes?"

I cover my momentary lapse of brainpower with humor, "So you didn't get that all-encompassing love that shakes you to your core?"

Her face falls and she looks me in the eye for the first time tonight, "No. I didn't. I don't exactly have time for relationships in my life right now."

Liam you're so stupid. Why why why on earth would you say that?

Recover recover, say something back.

"So what're you doing after this?"

What the hell? no no no what is with you?

She gives me that questioning look again and my heart skips a beat, "Umm I'm not sure yet, but I'm sure I'll figure it out after this next cup of nog" she says with a little laugh. "What're your plans for the night?"

Her laugh... I miss the sound of her laugh so much.

"I don't really have any plans, I think my dad wanted me to swing by and catch up but I'm not really in the mood for all that tonight."

She laughs again, "Yeah I get that. Jerry can be a lot sometimes." She turns back around to get her cup of eggnog and I decide to do something that's probably very stupid.

Stepping up to the stand next to her I say, "We'll have two refills please" as I had them my card.

She immediately turns to look up at me. I was expecting a frown or another questioning look but she just smiles. This close, I can see her bright green eyes and her freckles. Its nice to see that after all these years, she still doesn't wear a bunch of makeup like every other girl on the planet these days.

"Thank you" she says with that smile.

"Of course"

Charlotte:

He paid for my eggnog, he's being all sweet, and he's staring at me with those beautiful blue-green eyes. Jesus Christ what was I thinking coming here again?

We get our nog and start to walk away from the stand as he says, "Hey, would you want to stay for a bit and catch up?"

My heart almost jumps out of my chest and I take a deep breathe before I decide what to respond.

No Charlotte. Don't stay. You've got an apple pie waiting to be made at home and a house full of relatives waiting to see their favorite, most successful grandchild.

"Yeah, sure. I'd love to."

Whatttttt? That's not what I wanted to say. Ok fine, stay for a little bit.

We go sit on a little bench off to the side of the event and the conversation just starts to flow.

"So, no handsome New York models waiting for you back home?" he says with a chuckle.

"Now I didn't say that, all I said was that I just don't have time for them." I jab right by back.

We talk about his time in the Air Force and he tells me this is the first time he's been back to the lights since the last time we came here together. I left out the part where I came here for 2 years after that, hoping to see him. We just talked and talked and talked. It felt like 20 minutes but then all of a sudden I'm getting a very angry and urgent call from my mother demanding that I be home in 30 minutes. I stand up, our hands still intertwined from where he was warming my hands with his.

"I've really got to go. She sounds really mad. Isn't it funny how I'm 25 years old and the idea of her angry still scares me?"

He stands up with me and says, "Well we have been sitting here for almost 2 hours."

I look around to the park almost entirely cleared out, save for a few groups of teenagers sulking around, "Oh wow, that's crazy."

"Yeah time flies when you're having fun, I'll walk you to your car."

Oh dear, that's an old line. We used to tell our parents we were walking each other out to the car and then we would makeout outside. Tell him no, tell him that you can walk yourself.

"Okay." We start trudging through the snow towards my car, hands still intertwined. As we arrive at the car, he says, "Charlotte, I don't think you understand just how amazing it was to see you and catch up tonight." He's looking me straight in the eyes I feel like he can hear my heart pumping.

"Yeah it was really nice to see you, maybe we can get coffee some- oh wait you don't like coffee, or do you now? Its been so long, but you used to hate coffee. I remember the one time that I got you to drink cof-"

He interrupts my incessant rambling by kissing me.

Oh god oh god oh god. WHAT?! WHAT'RE YOU DOING CHARLOTTE?

After what felt like a long moment but also too short of one, he pulls away, "I love it when you get all nervous and start rambling. I just couldn't help myself."

I can feel all the blood rushing to my face as I say, "Its okay, I hate when I ramble so I'm glad you stopped me." And then I pull him to me and kiss him, hard.

Well I guess you already did it once, might as well at this point.

I pull away and reach for my keys as he says, "I'll see you tomorrow then?"

"Now what makes you think that?" I say as I unlock my car and reach inside to start it up.

"Well, you see, I knew you extremely well back then and from what you've demonstrated tonight, I think I know you pretty well now too."

"Oh yeah then what am I thinking right now?"

"You're thinking about how much you wish you didn't have to go home right now so that..." he leans down and whispers something in my ear.

I turn away without responding and get into my car. He remains standing there, with one hand on my door and the other on my car, just staring at me.

"I'll see you tomorrow Liam" I say as I reach for the door handle.

"See you tomorrow, love" he says softly as I close the door.