“No… no, no, no, no, no!” Jake said as he rummaged through the dashboard of his car before finally giving up and sitting back again, “I can’t believe this is happening… And on the very day she is not home,” he slapped the steering wheel, pushed the door open and stepped out of the car.
He walked over to the gate of the house and peeped inside hopelessly, then turned around looking across the street at the only other person who was busy cleaning the neighbour’s car. Jake went to the gate and placed one foot in the engraved design built into the iron gate and pulled himself up. With his hands leaning half over on the inside, he messed around with the lock for a few seconds and the smaller door within the iron gate flew back open.
He took out a bag and a bottle from the car and closed the gate behind him before throwing both the things on the verandah and sitting down beside them.
“What now?” he said to himself, “I climbed over the first gate but what do I do now?” He took out his phone and started typing a text. I forgot my keys. I climbed over the outer gate but how do I go upstairs?
He put his phone away and looked around as if noticing everything around him for the first time. He lied down on the floor, his head resting on his bag and began to stare blankly at the clouds that drifted across the calm blue sky. His phone rang and he lifted it up in front of his face. How stupid can you be? Of all the days you could’ve forgotten it, you chose today.
He smiled and put his phone down again, “Well, looks like I’ll have to skip work today. I can’t imagine how I can get up there.” He looked down on his phone as he felt it vibrate, “Oh good, she’s up,” he said as he put the phone up to his ear.
“Hey, you’re awake… Oh nothing… I got locked out of the house… Well, I forgot my keys… Yeah, but she’s not home. She left with dad in the morning and they won’t be back till evening… Well, I jumped over the first gate so I am inside but I can't open the door to go in and then upstairs… I don’t know what I’m gonna do… Anyway, you just woke up so get on with your stuff. I'll try to think of something... Yeah, Bye!”
He put his phone to a side as he gazed silently at the floating clouds for a few minutes before he sat up half smiling and half confused.
“Could it actually be true?” No… But if they said it then it must be true,” he thought as he half turned and stared at the back wall of the verandah. It was of white color painted with black small designs that ran from the ceiling to the ground and across both the sides. It was the only wall that was painted with these designs while the rest were either plain white or of a different solid color.
“It’s strange how I never noticed this before but this wall is the only one with this design. This makes it even more possible that it was rebuilt after the rest.” He stood up and walked over to the wall and stood right in front of it.
“I remember dad telling me that there used to be a door somewhere around here that led directly into the staircase area inside and that it was sealed later on by granddad. What if… No… There's no way the passage would still be there… And I don't even know where to look for it,” he sat down on one of the chairs in the verandah.
After a few minutes, Jake clapped his hands together and stood up, “There really is nothing else I can do so I may as well look for it,” he said to himself as he walked over to the edge of the verandah, “Okay, so I’ve always loved this part of the wall,” he said as he looked over a part in the middle of the wall of the house. It was lined with protruding bricks of different shapes and sizes and the colors of the bricks beamed in the sunlight.
“I know this wall can’t be the entrance to the passage. It would be so much easier if one of these bricks served as a panel for opening the wall.” As he looked up at the wall, his eyes grew wider and he jumped back to the wall with the designs painted on it, “Panel… that’s what I need to look for.”
He spent a long time examining the wall running his hand on it the whole time before giving up and sitting back into a chair, “Nothing… It’s as plain as any ordinary wall,” he said as he sat there looking up and down half heartedly, “Wait a minute… This door… It has so many carvings in it… What if…” he began to run his hands hastily all over the door pressing in every other panel until his hands stopped at one which slightly moved. His eyes lit up and he placed both hands on the lower part of the door that met with the wall in the corner, “Well… Here we go,” he said with a sigh and then pressed into the door. The panel immediately sunk in itself with a shifting sound followed by a heavy grating noise and to his astonishment, the wall to his left began to slide to a side and in a few seconds there stood a door shaped black hole in the wall.
He stood motionless staring at what was once a solid wall, then turned around and went over to his bag lying on the floor. He picked up his cellphone and turned on the flashlight, “Alright, let’s see what we got here,” he said smiling as he walked up to the passage entrance. He flashed his phone inside and it was a passage big enough to walk easily in. As he stepped through the air inside felt suffocating and he had to breathe from his mouth, “There’s no way I can stay in here for long… Wait, this is it? This is more like a small room than a passage,” he flashed the light around from top to bottom and then held it steady in front of him at the wall, “Of course, this actually is the total distance if I imagine looking at it from the outside.”
He flashed the light around again when something on the floor caught his eye, “It’s a box of some kind… And this is… papers, another box… I wonder who forgot it in here when they were closing this up,” he said as he stood up and examined the wall in front.
“I know the wall on the inside is rock solid and it can't possibly have any moving panels. So, whatever is the way to open this door, it's got to be in here… Hellooo… This lever seems to be something that would open a secret hidden door,” he smiled and then pulled it down with both hands.
A similar low grating noise echoed inside the small room and slowly light began to appear in front of him as the wall slid to one side and left a gap in its place.
“This is one thing I can check off my wish list,” he laughed and stepped out into the stairway that led upstairs. He turned around to look at the room through the opening and could easily see the flower pots that stood along the boundary wall past the verandah, “Quite possibly the most adventure I've had in a long time,” he smiled as he brushed the dust off his clothes.
Ring Ring! Ring Ring!
“Hey, what’s up? I sound happy? Hahaha, can't imagine why you'd think that… Oh, yeah. I… uh… Yeah, I’m still downstairs… Oh, no! Don't worry about me. I think I'm going to go on a little treasure hunt or some sort of adventure… Hahaha, well, that’s me… But you know, one of these days I’m actually going to stumble onto something spectacular… Yeah, I know I do… And sometimes, just sometimes… No matter how wild, some wishes do come true.”
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2 comments
Hi Muhammad Khan! I really liked the plot of the story. It made sense, and I liked the way you started the story. It had a good exposition. I also liked that the character, Jake, just in general. He was very real. However, the transitions in your story were a bit weak. I understood the story, and it made sense, but everything was happening so fast. I get it, I had to cut so much of my original story, so I will give a leeway for that. The ending was also a bit clunky. I understood why you stopped the story there, it was a good place to en...
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Hi Hope Thanks for sharing your thoughts on my story. Jake is very real because that is me and I do have this secret door cemented in the wall of my house. I just made myself discover it that's all. Yes I agree with you on the pace of the story and the abrupt ending. I saw that myself when I was doing a last minute read but I had no more time to edit it further. I'll definitely work on this and all the other stuff you mentioned. Thanks again!
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