Play with Fire

The orange flames licking the side of the house always brought me a sense of excitement and calm. The smell of the smoke. Fire is so dangerous yet beautiful. It’s alive, consuming oxygen, reproducing, and moving quickly until there’s nothing left but ash. The risk of the fire getting a taste of you adds to the high. 

“Jade, are you even listening? I swear your mind is always off in the gutters.” Christine mutters. Her fake blond hair swaying to the side as her head tilts. Her piercing blue eyes hold annoyance but she quickly covers her glare. 

“Of course I was listening. Aaron is cheating on you again, but yet you continue to say nothing and forgive him when he is inevitably caught. Taking him back with open arms and promises of never doing it again make you actually accept him to only be disappointed as he continues his cycle of fraternizing with other women. When are you going to wake up and realize that he’s a fucking pig? He will continue to get other women in bed, he’s a sociopath. He’ll continue to lie and manipulate you because it's just a game to him. You know,  he’ll never get tired of playing his games, especially with a naive girl such as yourself.” I reply staring blankly at her. To be frank, I was a little pissed that she stopped my little daydream. As I was staring I saw her face contort into a deep scowl.

“What the fuck would you know about my relationship or relationships in general? Aaron is not a sociopath, he cares about me.” She attempts to defend although it’s all for not. I don’t really care for her, if anything she just used me because of my family’s money.  It’s not like I cared that much anyway, no matter how nice she was, all masks crack at some point in time, it’s just a matter of time before it does, especially if I continue to push her. 

“Takes one to know one, I’m just a high functioning one and tend to hide it better.” I smirk as I see her smile drop off of her face, her mouth gaping open like a fish, “Close your mouth sweetie, you’ll catch flies.”

“Fuck you, you freak.” She huffs as she quickly pickles herself up and rushes away. She was trying to retain her last shred of her dignity, I can say that I semi-respect them for that. I was actually proud of myself, usually, it takes someone sooner to get me to snap like that. She stuck around for a week, I can’t tell if that has something to do with her resilience and desire to exploit me or if I’ve lost my edge. 

“Thank you,” I say giving a sugary sweet smile. “Do you smell that?” I question immediately making her face contort from anger to confusion. 

“What?” 

“It smells like a bitch.” I finished watching her face morph into different emotions, it was rather amusing to watch. Confusion, to recognition, to hurt, to anger. Guess I damaged her hubris. “Awe, did I hurt your feelings?” A mock sympathetic frown on my face. Why not completely destroy her pride?

“You! Ugh! I’ll end you!” She growls, glaring down at me.

“I will end you!” I mimic smiling as I see her plastic self storm off. As I hear her mumble to herself as she walks away I grin widely, my mind going back to the golden hues that engulf anything and everything it wishes. 

Everywhere you look, just flame and smoke. No visibility, you’re completely consumed and watching the colors, the heat emanating, kissing your skin with wonderful heat. Black and orange, orange and black engulfing your vision. Fire is often seen as rage, but it’s the will of God. God writes in pencil and his eraser is fire. It’s not used for anger, it’s used for a release. It’s an animal that takes everything away, it eliminates pain. 

I silently get up from the chair, the urge starting to become unbearable. The thought excited me, gave me a brief glimpse of what was to come. The high I knew I would experience as soon as I smelled the gasoline. A simple accelerent  is not dangerous by itself, but simply strike a match, then it becomes deadly. It becomes unstoppable.  I always enjoyed watching the flames lick at the matchstick slowly moving down the stick and getting closer to my hand and once it hit a small tingle passed me as it started to dye out, only to start the process again and again. 

My feet lightly hit the concrete as I walked into the slowly darkening streets. What a perfect time it would be to light up the night sky with flames. The smoke perfectly blended with the sky...what a pretty picture.

***

Standing on the inside of the house I smile lightly, ready to watch my creation come to life. It’s more fun when you not only just watch the golden glow slowly grow higher and brighter but also see the crimson blood flow from the ash. I strike the match and watch as the flame dances in my hand. Slowly my hand descends to my side before I inevitably let go. My eyes stay trained to the falling flame and then it hits. Quickly it spreads and starts to take over. Acting like an untamed animal it quickly takes everything, coating it in its glorious orange hue. 

“Absolutely magnificent…”

Some may call me insane, but I’ve always loved watching the embers flicker between the different colors before finally settling on black.  Watching the limits of fire, the dangers that loom around it. The accelerant splashed on the walls, a medium petroleum distillate, that was tossed on the walls in a jagged pattern. Then it was lit and took a new form. Fire spreading around the room, smoke filling everything until it stings to breathe. I stay put watching as the flames grow higher and hotter, brighter and brighter. In a way it’s a land of make-believe, the one where nothing can touch me, no one can hurt me because of the fire...it’ll burn them if they get too close. 

Smiling at my work I take a step back, continuing to admire everything painted in new colors. Eventually, the cool night air touches my skin, a huge difference from the warmth the fire provided. I step far enough back and watch the flames continue to consume the house.

The world will only be fire in the end, and soon everyone will see it that way too.