The meaning of life in a packet of crisps

The meaning of life in a packet of crisps

A group of people gather around a clocking-in machine. They take it in turns to punch their 

cards and talk amongst themselves as they do so.

A man called Brian Knowles converses with a Woman named Janice Fields.

“Did you see The Apprentice?” Brian asks.

“No, Paul had the football on I’ll watch it later on catch up”. She replies and slides her card 

into the device. It stamps the time with a loud thud.

“On a Thursday? Who were they playing?” Brian quizzes as the pair of them walk through 

the warehouse.

“I don’t know?”

“Oh, yeah, I forgot they’re in the Europa League” Brian smirks at his recollection.

“Was it any good?” Janice asks.

“What? The Apprentice? Not really, they’re a bunch of fuckin morons”.

“What were they doing this week?”

“They had to design a shoe”. Brian recalls. He pushes the door to the canteen open and 

motions Janice to enter.

“Oh yeah, I remember now”.Brian hangs his coat and bag on a hanger.

Janice puts her bag under a table and puts her coat on the back of a chair.

“I won’t spoil it, but that Karen Brady is a bitch”.

“Oh, I know”. Janice retorts.

The pair exit the canteen as other people spill in. They continue their conversation on the 

shop floor.

The time on the clocking-in machine reaches 12.30 pm

Brian Knowles walks towards the canteen. His supervisor Jim intercepts him.

“Oh, Brian. I’ve switched you this afternoon with Amy. You were meant to be in Winding 

this afternoon weren’t you?” Brian asks.

“Yeah”. Brian answers. A quizzical look on his face.

“If you can go in tomorrow, and Amy goes in this afternoon. Only she was meant to be in 

tomorrow, but she’s booked it off”.

“Yeah, fine”.

Brian points to some boxes on a workbench.

“Those Royal Mail labels can be ditched can’t they? We don’t use them anymore”.

Jim looks at the boxes.

“If we don’t use them, then yes, I don’t see why not”.

“We don’t, it’s all done online now”.

Brian enters into an empty canteen.

He gets his sandwich out of the fridge and then a packet of cheese and onion crisps out of 

his bag which is hung up. 

A Woman enters and picks up a phone from another table. She looks over at Brian, who is 

perusing his phone.

“Ham and cheese?”

Brian looks up at her.

“I’m sorry?”

“Ham and cheese?” The Woman points at his sandwich. Brian looks at his lunch.

“Oh, yeah. Old faithful”.

He smiles at the Woman as she leaves, and takes a bite of the sandwich. He then opens 

the crisps and is about to take one out when he pauses for a second. 

He then pulls out a small black envelope.

He turns the crisp packet and looks at the front. It reads - 100,000 prizes to be won.

“Bonus” He proclaims to the empty room. He puts the bag down and opens the envelope.

Inside there is a piece of paper with some text printed on it. Brian reads it.

He then looks up and stares at a zip on a bag left under the table opposite. He appears to 

be in a trance for around 10 seconds.

Brian then gets up from his chair, walks towards the door and exits. He leaves his lunch 

and bag behind, but takes the piece of paper.

Brian walks past a man named Terry. He’s wearing a t-shirt depicting a skeleton, 

skateboarding, surrounded by explosions and tanks.

“Fancy a pint after work?” Terry asks.

Brian doesn’t acknowledge or answer him. He just walks towards one of the exits.

“Well, that was rude”.

Another man walks past Terry.

“I don’t think he heard you over your shirt”. The man jokes as he passes him.

“Piss off” Terry shouts after the man. Terry watches Brian as he walks past the clock and 

exits the building.

“It’s this bleeding noisy bastard place”.

Brian’s car pulls onto his driveway sharply. He gets out of the car rushes to his front door 

and unlocks it.

An hour has gone by and Brian is sitting at a table with a laptop open. On the screen, there 

is a website for flights. Flights from Manchester to London.

His phone is on the table beside the computer. 

It has a website for The University of London open on it.

The web page is replaced by a name on the screen as the phone starts to ring.

It reads JIM WORK. Brian switches the phone to mute and puts it into his pocket.

Brian grabs his car keys from the mantle piece. They’re sitting next to a photo of Brian, 

with his Wife and two Sons. He looks at the photo for a second and then leaves.

Brian is driving down the motorway. He drives past a sign for Manchester Airport. After 

about a mile his car takes the exit for the airport.

His phone is sat in a cradle mounted to his dashboard. It starts buzzing from the vibration 

of an incoming call. The screen reads JIM WORK. Brian reaches over and answers it.

“Jim, I’m sorry I can’t talk, I’m driving”.

Jim’s voice amplifies from the speakers.

“Back here, I hope. Where have you been?”

“I’m sorry Jim, I’m not coming back”.

“What do you mean? You just disappeared without letting me know, you didn’t even clock 

out. Where you were going? Wait, is Sophie alright? Has something happened to one of 

your lads?”

Jim’s tone softens when asking this question.

“No, they’re fine. I have to go Jim. I’m sorry”.

Brian glances at the phone and then returns his attention to the airport traffic signs.

“Are you sick? When will you be back?”

“I won’t be back. I’m sorry. I have to go”.

Brian ends the call.

Brian’s car drives into one of the airport car parks.

Brian is sitting at an airport gate for London Heathrow.6. 

He sits in a trance, staring into space.

The trance is broken when his phone starts to ring. He looks at it. 

There is a photo of his Wife.

It reads Sophie under the photo. Brian answers the phone.

“Hello”.

“Where are you? Are you in the pub?”

“No”.

“Are you pissed?” Sophie asks with a tone of annoyance in her voice.

“No I’m not pissed. I’m not in the pub”.

Brian shuffles in his seat.

“Listen, love, I won’t be coming home”.

“What do you mean you’re not coming home? Your tea is in the oven. I’ve just plated our’s 

up”.

“I’m sorry, but I can’t come home. I need to do something”.

Brian looks around the airport gate at the minimal group of other passengers awaiting 

boarding.

“What do you have to do? I’m not bothered if you’re pissed, I just wish you’d told me you 

wouldn’t be home for your tea. I’ll put it in the fridge, and you can warm it up when you get 

in”.

The stewards begin to call the passengers to board the flight.

“Listen love. I love you, and tell the boys I love them. I have to go”.

“What? Brian, where are you?”

Sophie’s tone has rapidly switched to panic.

Brian stands up.

“I’m sorry. I hope you can understand”.

He hangs up and discards the phone into a bin.

MONDAY

A black cab pulls up outside London University and Brian climbs out of it and heads 

towards the Psychology department.

Brian stops a Woman who is walking out of the door as he reaches the department.

“Hi, You wouldn’t know where Professor Gardner’s office is would you?”

The Woman points down a corridor.

“If you walk down this corridor to the end and turn left. I think it’s the third one down on the

right”.

“Third on the right?”

“I think so, yes,”

 Brian sets off down the corridor and turns.

“Thanks”.

Professor Gardner is sitting at a desk writing on a yellow pad. 

There is a knock on the door.

He looks up.

“Come in”.

The door opens, and Brian pokes his head around it.

“Professor Gardner?”

“Yes”.

Brian enters the office.

“I have something you need to see”.

Brain takes out the piece of paper found in the crisp packet and hands it to the Professor.

Professor Gardner takes it and frowns.

“What is it?” asks Brian.

“You just need to read it”.

He opens the paper and reads its contents.

His eyes glaze over, not unsimilar to the way Brian’s had when he discovered the sachet 

several days ago.

He looks up at Brian.

“This changes everything”.