Mirror Image

Emelia studied herself in the large bathroom mirror that took up most of the white textured wall behind it. She looked over her thirty-two years’ worth of aged skin. Her once-tight supple smooth flesh did not hold as it once had. Her deep dark brown eyes did not glimmer or sparkle holding the hope of magic and optimism anymore. No, that had faded with her dreams as life barreled on without her permission.

“You had dulled a long time ago, didn’t you?” She spoke to the image staring back at her. Emelia narrowed her eyes to see her father’s large bulbous nose adorned by her mother’s dark empty eyes, features her parents had gifted her at birth. Over the years mother nature or D.N.A gave her even more; her once abundance of long black swirling locks was now thinning giving her a rising hairline. 

“You disgust me.” She whispered almost growling at herself. The words seem to shock her reflection staring back at her making her open her eyes wide. Her lips curled down; her face began to redden pairing with her eyes waling up with tears. 

“The world is cruel enough, how can you say this to me?” Emelia stepped back turning away as she asked herself the rhetorical question. Never expecting a response.

“When will you start to stand up for yourself?” The reflection countered, ignoring Emelia’s last question. 

“I do stand…”

“Don’t even.” The image said back flatly. “You forget who you are talking to.”

Emelia turned to see her reflection sitting on the edge of the porcelain white bath tube that set a few feet behind her. She had crossed her legs, her hand on either side of her as she casually watched Emelia’s response. Emelia turned away looking down at the tub she was standing over and then back to the image of herself. This was a confident Emelia in the reflection, not the small scared little bird she was. The image adjusted the thick white robe she wore covering her knee.

 “Are you cold?” Emelia asked. Surprised at her question. This was not what she wanted to ask. Emelia wanted to know if she had finally, after a lifetime of abuse, lost her mind.

 “No... and No.” The image spoke.

“What? No, you are not cold?” Emelia asked, studying her image who was now leaning forward her hands clasped together on her lap. Of course, she wouldn’t be cold, the pink and yellow flannel pantsuit nightgown her grandmother had given her when she was sixteen was extremely warm. This being her reflection had the same thing on. “Such a silly question to ask.” Emelia thought to herself. She walked close to the mirror looking for a light or for some way someone could be messing with her.  

“It’s a mirror, just a normal mirror.” The reflection said out loud. Exactly what Emelia was thinking. The reflection smiled then puckered her lips together narrowing her eyes leaning forward as it watched Emelia reached around feeling for anything.

“What exactly are you looking for?” The image finally spoke. She stood up from the tub and walked over to the counter that separated the two. She watched as Emelia ran her hands along the edges of the mirror.              

“There are stories of places like Airbnb’s having cameras watching people.  Emelia spoke breathily in between grunts from stretching.

“But, this is your house of thirty or so years and there is no one here but you.”

“Well, the cameras are usually connected somewhere else, duh.

The reflection took a step back standing up straight, her hand slumped to her side. “Did you really just ‘duh’ me?”

Emelia stepped back away from the counter and mirror, looking at her reflection again. They were matched up except for the puzzled look on the face of the reflection. All though Emelia could have had the same look on her own face, but she did not trust the Alice in Wonderland mirror in front of her anymore. Emelia did not have a response to the reflection’s questions. She suddenly felt as if she were a child being chastised by an adult.

The reflection's face slowly morphed into a smile and then into a full-blown laugh. Emelia found the humor in the comment and realized she was laughing as well. The reflections of laughter soon faded, but the warm smile still lingered. Emelia walked up to the mirror stopping at the counter, “Why are you here?” She had to scour her brain to find the right words. Trying desperately not to offend the reflection but at the same time get some answer to her presents.

“That is exactly what you do, isn’t it?” The reflection spoke softly, her lips had dropped from the upcurved smile to a bland straight line. The reflection's eyes seemed solemn and a bit sad. It was a face Emelia was used to seeing looking back at her.  Emelia could feel the smile from her face fading as well. She suddenly felt self-conscious again. Emelia felt small and as if she knew little to nothing. She fought back the urge to cry.

“Stop it, you stop that right now!” The reflection snapped as she began to pound on the glass of the mirror. This snapped Emelia back to her attention. She imagined her reflection busting through the mirror grabbing up a large shard and repeatedly stabbing her to death before taking over her reality.

“What the hell is wrong with you?” The reflection countered.

 “What?” Emelia again had no clear answer to the question.

“You have watched way too many damn horror movies! I am not here to kill you. You, you big dummy!” She paused and took a deep breath. “I am here for you.”

The reflection was right about her watching too many horror movies. She is her, I am her. Emelia finally had put two and two together, anything she thought of the reflection knew as well.

 “What am I supposed to think?” Emelia finally said out loud.

“At this moment absolutely nothing. You wanted me here so here I am. I am here to help you.” The reflection spoke back pressing her open hand against the glass.

“By driving me loopy?” Emelia snapped back. The comment had a little more venom to it than she had intended. She figured she would not think, just as the reflection had said, instead whatever question she had she would just blurt them out, damn her feelings!

“YES, exactly!” The reflection squealed laughing and dancing around the bathroom on her side of the mirror.

“Wait, what?” Emelia looked down to see a small puddle of water on her side of the mirror floor and called out,” Be careful there is water on the floor.” Emelia said watching the reflection drop dramatically behind the counter somewhere. “Are you okay? Are..are you there?” There was silence then a loud burst of laughter as the reflections hand slapped up on the white granite countertop. She lifted herself, her rob disheveled her hair a wild mess as if she had been out in a windstorm. 

“Are you okay?” Emelia asked               

 “Ow, that kind of smarts.” The reflection said as she got to her feet straightening her rob and running her hands through her hair to tame it. “Sorry about that, have a seat.” The reflection motion for Emelia to sit on the edge of the tub behind her. Reluctantly Emelia obliged while rubbing her own elbow and arm.

   “So,” The reflection said finding her way to the tub on her side of the mirror and then taking a seat.

“Soooo…” Emelia repeated back.

“You understand now. That was easier than I thought it would be. I mean, I know you and you can be a little thick. No offense.” The reflection said while she began to play with a cluster of curls that hung over her shoulder twisting them around her fingers.

“Okayyy…” Emelia spoke back.

The reflection dropped her hair and stared at Emelia. “You do get it don’t you?”

“Get what exactly?” Emelia could hear her voice go up an octave. If she were trying to fool herself, she was doing a bad job at it.

“Are you kidding me? You just said it! You just did it!” The reflection spoke back a little annoyed.

“Look, I never asked you to come here and I don’t know what you are talking about!” Emelia said back with the same annoyance.

“It amazes me how you can be so smart and so dumb at the same time!” The reflection said.

“What the hell? WHAT DO YOU WANT!” Emelia screamed out balling up her fist. “I want you to be the real you, which is me!” The reflection yelled back, gesturing to Emelia, and then herself.

“What? That makes no sense. I am not you! I mean, you are a reflection of me so I guess I am you, but I am me!” Emelia stood up leaning in as she yelled at her reflection. She felt rage, an emotion she often kept hidden, never coming out when she needed it to, but right now it festered and was bubbling up.

“YES, YOU ARE! I AM THE REAL YOU!  The you that asks questions and gets answers. The you that does not go out of her way to spare someone's feelings.  Even if that “somebody” is being rude and disrespectful to the point that they need to be smack. I am the one that will smack them! Family, friends, and strangers, it does not matter. I am the real you who knows my worth and will not settle. I AM YOU! I am you that would have told our boss the truth about sweet little Marcel. How that cow did not do any of the work she claimed! How I did it all and deserve the raise! NOT her!”

“She is a single mother, and she needed the money more than I did.” Emelia tried to intervene.

“I do not remember knocking her up! All she did was watch YouTube on her phone while you made all the important calls and did all of the  paperwork!”

“It was only a ten percent raise,” Emelia yelled meekly.

“It was my rise!” The reflection retorted back “and what about your mother’s constant abuse! Pointing out every little flaw even though you have surpassed her in every way imaginable. A great job, a great house all that schooling. You do not drink or do drugs! Still, nothing was ever good enough for her! She was no mother, she competed with you! She was jealous of your accomplishment and wanted to keep you in your place!”

“She is my mother, she only wanted the best for me!” Emelia yells back again trying desperately to defend her actions.

“And what about him! That loathsome trash Tom you called a boyfriend and your best friend? He knew you would be coming home; he knew what he was doing when he invited Betsy into the two of you into your bed! Why the hell did he ask you to move in! And I know you saw that smirk on his face when he was finally found out!”

This comment struck Emelia hard, her chest tightens on hearing Tom and Betsy’s name. She let herself fall back. Instead of sitting on the edge of the tub, she missed, crumbling down to the floor balling up into a circle pulling her knees to her chest. She imagined she was an armadillo tucked safely away from the outside world. Hot tears streamed down her face. It was all too much. “Why are you doing this to me?” She whimpered. 

“Why are you doing this to yourself?” The reflections flatly said back. Emelia looked up to see the reflection standing in the mirror looking down at her. In her rage, she looked demonic. Emelia turned her head inwards, burying her face into her arms.

“You deserve so much better. You are worth so much more.” The reflection spoke again. “You know what you need to do.”

The image of the full bottle of Tramadol she had acquired after her gallbladder surgery flashed into her head. It was safely tucked behind some feminine products under the sink. HCI (C-IV) 50mg 100 tablets never touched, she could take them all in one sitting and simply just fall asleep. Emelia thought to herself. 

“That is not what I mean and you know it! You coward!” The reflection growled. 

The floor seemed so much colder than Emelia could remember. As cold as the hurtful world that was outside. She was safe in her home, at least she was before this thing in the mirror came along. This creature was now hurting her inside and out. This reflection was using Emelias pain against her like everyone in her life seemed to do. Emelia could feel her blood starting to boil, that hidden anger was again exposing itself. “How dare you!” Emelia thought at first and then said the words. She lifted her head from her arms looking back up at the reflection. “HOW DARE YOU! “Emelia screamed, slapping her hand onto the cold floor unraveling her body from its tight safe ball. She would have to force herself to confront herself or stay trapped in an endless cycle of abuse. The reflection smiled. Emelia slapped her hand on the countertop pulling herself up. She would tell this reflection about how she really felt even though she should already know. Emelia stood to her feet ready for a word-to-word battle only to be surprised by the new reflection staring back at her. Emelia knew those cold empty judgmental eyes. It was her mother! Emelia let out a scream and stepped a few steps backward.

“Mind the water dear.” The raspy voice of Emelia's mother spoke. It was too late. The heel of her foot seemed to glide out from under her and she found herself falling back into the open mouth of the waiting bathtub. She fell hard slamming against the porcelain and metal basin, the light suddenly turned out.

Emelia did not know how long she had spent in the tub. She knew her legs were tingling and burning from dangling over the side. She rubbed her face before looking between her legs at the mirror. Her mother was still standing there looking at her with the same disappointing gaze she remembered.

“If you would clean more you would not be where you are now. I’m just saying, I did teach you about this thing called a mop.”The reflection quipped.

Emelia slammed her legs shut blocking out the image. “NO.No.No.No.no, no, no, no, no, no, no!” She whispered to herself as she took in her surroundings. Emelia raised her hand to the large knot that had formed on the back of her head sucking in her teeth in pain when she touched it.  She pushed herself up and out of the tub the whole time trying not to look at the mirror.

“You knew the water was there, you could have put down a towel or maybe invest in a rug. You always were the penny pitcher weren’t you?” The image of her mother continued as Emelia got to her feet.

“Stop it, stop it, STOP IT! My mother is dead and this is just cruel!” Emelia yelled out before turning to face the mirror reflection again.

“Well, there's my girl.” The image smiled before morphing back into the image of Emelia again.

Emelia rushed to the counter slapping her hand against the mirror, “WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME!” She screamed pushing random bottles of toothpaste, face cleanser, makeup, and bathroom day-core in the sink and onto the floor. Her headache, her hands ached, her heart ached. When there was nothing left on the countertop, Emelia placed her hands flat on the surface, staring down at them. Her long curly locks covered the view of the mirror.  

“That was a little bit too much wasn’t it? I shouldn’t have done that. Look,  I’m sorry. It’s just that you are more. You are important and you have to start standing up for yourself. Say what you need to say. Stop holding it in. That is why. That is why I am here. I am you, you are me.” The reflection's voice was soft now more comforting.

“Look at me.” The reflection pleaded.

Emelia shook her head. “Please look at me.” Emelia balled up her fist again, she forced herself to look up into the eyes of the reflection. She studied every line and every curve of her face. “You are magnificent and amazing. These incidents do not define you. They teach you. Be you, that's all I want. I want you to be happy. You deserve to be happy.”

“I do deserve to be happy.” Emelia finally said back. That was when she noticed the eyes of the reflection. There was the sparkle, the lost glow of magic and optimism she had questioned earlier.  “I am you and you are me.” She whispered to the reflection. 

“I am you and you are me,” the two repeated together. The words acted as a warm blanket for Emelia. The tension in her body melted away. She lifted her hand to the mirror touching the hand of the reflection. “Emelia, I love you.” The reflection finally said. “I love you, Emelia,” Emelia repeated. The reflection smiled. She knew whatever that was, was now a part of her. She would be there when she needed her to be. Emelia would talk to her boss, and she would confront Tom and Betsy, only to never talk to them again. She decided right then and there to cut out all of the cancerous people from her life and she would be who she was meant to be.  When she felt alone she knew she never really was. 

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