God please hear and answer my plea

Life was already hard for her,she tried so much to make it in life and nearly every thing she did to make ends meet ,just failed while her friends around pushed even less than her and they made it, she had her business of her and selling fish and she passionately wanted both to succeed to make her mother proud for what she had done for her in life. She spent all her savings and even borrowed money from her mother,then lock down came in, every thing was put on hold,transportation of honey to come in for her to sell was cut off,her mother's salary came in lesser because the president had cut off most of the benefits of government employee even to the near extent of health insurance, the capital she had was used for house hold since you cannot let bills build up when you have money and she had to make sure her daughter got what ever she could afford even as the lock down was eased down getting back on track has been hard,no capital,no money and worst of all no job. She's still looking for a job till now she hasn't gotten a job and she has tried for 7 years but due to the pandemic it has even been harder. She has tried to study hard hoping she will find something, depression has kicked in and she has been drinking once in a while but then she stops but right now she did it bad and she shamed her self, she doesn't want to meet any one or speak to any one but her baby girl has been there for her. She has applied nearly every where but no single call, she has had friends she has fought for and she knows they can help her but non, she wants to move on to make it in life, suicide thoughts are heavy on her head, she wants to know where God is,just to sit down and ask him why,she has cried and tried all her prayers,it's not like she's un grateful , she's come to an age where she wants independence. If she could open the clouds to heaven she would and talk to God personally cause till now she hasn't yet regained anything she just wants to stay inside and closed up and yet her dreams and imaginations are big but the silence God is giving her is killing her deeply inside people have made fun of her,taken advantageof her but yet still againshe wonders if its her fault for lettingthem in,she cares so much and she loves too hard. She has fought so much to enable herself to have some respect from people but it seems to get harder because they make her feel like she'snot doing enough or she'snot working harder or she'sdoing something wrong. She decided she will support where she can but not entertain anything but it is harder when you don't even anything on you because no body respects you they will all just look at you as dirt. She has had people gossip about her even the wrong things that she hasn't done some times she moves with no money in her bag, she's grateful she still has her mother's support but she wants to take charge and be there for her mother and her daughter. Especially as an African person nearly every thing has been hard whether you start a business because of the high taxes or in searching for a job and if you know someone who can help you find a job the will ask for something in return. She has nothing to offer, she keeps wondering where God is,she cries her heart out every day,feeling lonely no opportunity has come up not even the amount of effort she has put in, she has start next to wealthy people but non has accepted to help her,she walks in her shoes and all they do is stare and say buy a car, they think she has the money,she walks quietly to church most times in pain and cries alone but nobody knows,her pain is so deep that she doenteven know how to pick her self up all she wonders while she's in bed. The nights are getting longer and the days are going by,most times she wants the night to be longer so that she can stay in bed,she's tired of not finding some good news on her phone, she dreams of the day when she walks in the place and they say,we never knew that you would reach this far, she wants a day to reach where by some one tells her you are perfect and she replies I was a mess but the mess mess got me her, she wants all those who rejected her to know that God brings up the under dogs and he loves them to but she would like it to happen now. Nearly everyday her mother tells her soon and her close friend but how soon will it be, can soon be now,today, at this very moment am swimming in? Can I have it now? They say time waits for no man and it's what she's feeling,then people say others have achieved at age 60 but then they say do not compare yourself to others, I wouldn't like to achieve at 60,i want to achieve it at this age,my age age 32 so that at 60 i have 100 kids i have managed to take care of and if I find one who has walked the journey like i have through i enable them & it was her everyday prayer, she has reached an extent of taking both hers and her daughter's life, she wonders when is my time reaching she claps for everyone and supports those who have made it,don't get her wrong she sometimes is filled with envy but says it's there's not mine but when will my time reach, while they are laughing and talking about her she hears and knows they are laughing at the mistakes she has made and how drunk she was, and she wants the world to swallow her, she has fought for her business to pick up, she has fought for a job but nothing, it seems tears have become her only companion she has asked those who know how to pray to plead for her to God maybe he will be more accepting, oh how much this world laughs at people's failures and enjoys their mistakes, God have mercy, how it enjoys when one falls and they don't help, how she wants to help out who ever she can help especially who ever has gone through what she has gone through but all she does cry and cry ask God what did I ever do to you to hate me this much,forgive me and answer my plea please and sleeps her self at night saying ,begging and pleading God please hear and answer my plea.