The Way the Smoke Dances

Her golden eyes are focused on me. She smells like too much perfume with a hint of green apple. She takes a long puff from her vape before blowing the smoke in my face. She puts the bright green device down as I breathe in the toxic chemicals. I sigh, propping myself up against the wall. I don’t like when she blows that stuff in my face. We don't disagree on a lot of things, but we do when it comes to vaping.

“What's up with you?” She asks me and tucks a strand of blonde hair behind her ear. She lays on top of the comforter, making her fingers dance along my leg. I refuse to look at her. She notices this. “Athena?” She says in a sing-song voice as she crawls along the bed. She puts her button nose up against mine. “What’s wrong?” She smiles playfully, not knowing what is going on inside of my head. I want to turn away from her, yet I don’t. 

And I seriously don’t want to answer her. 

She bites her lip and lets out a hum of dissatisfaction. Then, she grabs the vape again. She sucks in the green apple flavor, inhaling it like crazy. This time, she blows smoke in the direction of the window. I watch the fumes dance along in the air. They remind me of when I actually felt love for her. I knew that I could never tell her that I didn't feel the same anymore. She had plans for us. I didn’t want to destroy her dreams. 

“I’m just tired,” I lie, playing with my curly black hair. She sits on her knees and adjusts her bra. I make sure not to look right at her body. I focus on her eyes instead. “I think I might need to leave.” The urge to get up off of the bed is strong, but I force myself to stay put. I can’t just walk out on her like that. 

“But, Athena…” She trails off before leaning in close. Her plump lips turn into a frown. Their glossy and there is a small red mark on the lower one from when she bit it. The blush that was once dusting her freckled cheeks had disappeared. She takes another hit of the vape before holding out the device for me. I push her hand away from me gently, not bothering to be firm with her. “You promised to stay the weekend,” She adds as her eyebrows furrow. “But if you really want to leave, go ahead.” She senses how distant I’m being with her. She scooches away from me, sitting on top of her pillows. “I’ve got homework to do anyway,” She mumbles under her breath with a hint of annoyance. 

Fuck, I curse internally as I watch her open her nightstand drawer. I feel like an awful person for pushing her away. She pulls out her digital camera and a cigarette. My stomach twists in knots and remorse feels as though it is poking at my heart. I inspect her as she grabs a lighter as well. Before I can stop myself, I slap the device out of her hands. It lands on the floor with a THWACK and she turns to me with her mouth agape. She lets out a noise of surprise and hurt. I bite the inside of my cheek so harshly that it begins to bleed. The crimson liquid crawls down my throat. It tastes metallic. 

“I’m sorry,” I apologized. “I don’t like you messing with that stuff.” My words are true. It is the first time I’ve ever told her that. I’ve known her for three years now. Every since Freshman year, she’s been hooked on smokable substances.  

She sets the cigarette down on the blanket next to her, her eyes glancing at the lighter momentarily. Then, she takes a picture of me with her digital camera. 

CLICK! 

I blink in confusion before covering my shirtless form with my arms. I had a bra on, but I was still self-conscious about being unclothed in a picture. She always says that I look good. Yet… I don’t feel it. I never feel it, and I think I ever will. 

“Why’d you do that?” I ask as goosebumps litter my arms as a small breeze enters the room from the window. She takes a long hit of the vape, her gold eyes focusing on me and only me. She exhales into the space above my head. The scent of an artificial green apple enters my nostrils. I can’t help but cough, finally using my arms to fan the smog away. She frowns at me. 

“And why did you do that?” She raises an eyebrow and sets the camera down on her nightstand. She runs her fingers through her hair. “I wanted a picture of you to remember the day when you stopped loving me, Athena.” 

I sit there with a pair of wide eyes. My whole body goes numb and I’m forced to look away from her. I didn’t know that could read me that well. She cups my cheeks with her warm hands. She sighs and puts her nose against mine for the second time. I sniffle, unable to control my emotions. I want to cry and say that I’m sorry, but tears wouldn’t do anything. I knew better than that. 

“I…Well… God, I’m sorry.” I hug her tightly. She jumps at first. Then, she melts into the embrace. Her whole body has a soothing aura to it. She drops the vape and a small smile makes itself at home on my face. I know that it's wrong to grin at this time, but she was finally listening to me. I hate when she is slowly killing herself with smoking and shit. “Thanks for that.”

“Anything for you,” She whispers in my ear. “And I hope we can still be friends.” Her tone is filled with dejection. 

“Of course,” I mutter sorrowfully “I never meant to fall out of love, Daisy. You don’t deserve that.”