Kyra's Journal (Select Entries)

Journal # 1

Today is the start of a new year and already the unlocked potential seems to be bubbling in me. I have decided to take up knitting because I think it would be a good way to keep my hands busy while I kick cigs to the curb. Michael says I am not going to follow through. But this time is different. I know it.

I have been practicing my knits and purls and am going to be making people gifts by the end of this year.

Journal #5

Michael moved out. He says my smoking is too much for him to deal with. Since he quit he became such a drag to be around. So much more judgemental. You know, I am glad he is gone. Now I can focus on myself and my needs. I am going to do so much personal growth he will be begging to come back. I know it.

The knitting hasn't kicked my habit, but so far I have a super long scarf. It is okay, I guess. I had no idea how boring knitting was. No worries though. Still, so much time left in the year.

Journal #9

Well, being single on Valentine's day does have the perk of getting to go speed dating! It was so exciting and new. I met a cute girl. Her name, get this, is Keira too! She kept telling me all about how she does resin crafts at home. I feigned interest to get her number, but after we had a real date today it sounds so fun!

From what she was able to tell me, it is super easy since it usually comes in dual containers. Easy peasy. I am going to lose myself to the interweb shopping tonight. To get some supplies and we are having a date night doing resin crafts. These could be the new holiday gifts. I know it.

Journal #20

I should have known Keira was too good to be true. She totally ghosted me after I threw out all the resin crap after our last fight. I don't understand what her deal was. I mean, it is a hobby. She only sells like 5 a month on her little e-store. Who needs her anyway? She was getting too jealous of my friend Jake anyway. He and I have been going shrooming and hiking for like the last month and she couldn't take it.

But Jake reminds me that I don't need negativity in my life like that. And he is right. Tomorrow we go shrooming out on the coast, it has been such a good hobby for my health. I think it might finally help me quit smoking. I know it.

Journal #21

Jake freaked out on our hike today. I ate a harmless little brown cap off a log and he blew his lid at me! He kept yelling about the importance of identification before eating. And how they looked like Funeral Bells and blah blah. I had looked at the damn book first. I mean, jeez. It figures, ya know? He was all about positive energy and crap yesterday but now I know he is as two-faced as the rest of them have been.

We are into summer and it feels as though my friend circle is already wearing thin. Thankfully when Jake dropped me back at home in his big harumph I saw my package had arrived! I ordered this kit for candle making. I thought it would be nice to rid the apartment of all the "ex" energy by burning sage, but candles seem so much cleaner. It has to work, I know it.

Journal #31

Yesterday was officially my first day back at home with mom and dad. They have not spoken to me at all. It isn't as if I meant the apartment to burn down. No one ever told me about not leaving candles lit overnight. They had such a warm glow and I liked how it lit the room. How was I to know it was too close to the curtains? Of course, they blame me, but it was an accident.

Dad made me throw out all my candle making supplies, he says I am a danger to everyone around me. Can you believe he said that to me? As soon as my deposit clears I am moving back out and on my own. I know it will be soon.

Journal #40

I have now been apartment hunting for a month and still no luck. Apparently, the managers from my last place called other complexes and I am on some blacklist. But they can't keep your girl down! I am focusing on moving forward and restarting my momentum! This is going to be my year, even if it doesn't get better until December 31st. Jake finally answered my phone calls, he has been ignoring me for like two months now. He said I was toxic.

After all the crap we had been through?! He has been my best friend since high school. It hurt, ya know? I hung up on him, but I have been thinking about what he said. Could be he is right. You know, there is a possibility that I could be the reason friends don't stick around long. But he came at me out of nowhere with it too, like ... if I was so bad, why not say something sooner?

I am trying not to let it get to me right now. I am going to keep hunting for a place and working. Mom has been trying to bond with me over scrapbooking. Which has been nice, she is more relaxed now but I think she also wants her space back.

Who knows, going through old photos will help me consider what Jake said. This could be my breakthrough, I know it.

Journal #50

Keira came into my work today. She acted super nonchalant about it. I had someone else handle her order because I was so upset about it. Yesterday I was cutting her out of photos for my scrapbook and now she is in my face. Literally. A girl can only take so much. She even left a note on her table for me. She wrote about how she hopes I have learned to love other people and not just myself.

I cannot believe the nerve of her. She straight-up ghosted me! And I need to learn how to love others? Oh Nah, honey. How dare she. Is this how she asks to get back together? No.

Besides, I am focusing on myself right now anyway. I don't have time for another failed relationship. Not that it's stopped mom from trying to set me up with her friend's son. We have a blind date set up in like a week. Wish me luck. It's going to be terrible I know it.

Journal #55

Oh my god. I cannot believe the night I just had. I am too tired to write though. See you in the morning.

Journal # 56

Fucking Michael. The son was Michael. What the hell mom! I haven't found out if she knew yet, but I will. At least he was just as surprised as I was. It was so awkward. I don't know how we sat out dinner so well. Admittedly, that might have been the wine. He just sat there asking smug ass questions about my progress of self-growth. Like I didn't know it wasn't going to measure up to his standards.

Of course, he just got into his degree program at school. His internship at his dad's firm starts in like a week so he is just perfect as usual. I told him how much I have been scrapbooking, but he just asked about my knitting. And my hiking, and mushrooming. And resin crafts. It was like he wasn't even listening to how important scrapbooking has become for me.

Of course, he had to rub in my face that he is now doing hot yoga, it helps him work through issues in his mind while exercising apparently. I don't think I noticed what a showboat he could be.

It's not even that hard! I bet I could do it, no problem. It would be just the release I need. I could be good at it too, I just know it.