Solitary Life

I woke up to the honking of traffic. When I open my eyes, the first thing I see is a grey ceiling, with paint coming off it. It has been like that since I first moved here and no matter how many times, I request for it to be repainted, my requests go unheard. I finally got off the bed when I noticed the time was 7:30. When I stepped into the bathroom, with my toiletries and clothes, I could smell the stench from when the last time a person used the bathroom. My roommates aren’t so keen on hygiene like I am and I’m the only person who is willing to do the job. I sigh as I step over dirty clothes and start getting ready.

By the time its 8:05, I’m already out the door, with an empty stomach. I never cook in my dorm anymore since the time I realized my roommates like to take advantage of it. They only ever seem to care about my presence when I make food. When I step out of the main gate, a slight chilly breeze hits me right in the face. I shudder and pull my jacket closer around my body. As I hurry past the buzzing shops, shouting vendors, shady looking guys in the alleys and most people on their phones, I get the sense of loneliness.

I almost groan out in relief when I enter the warm atmosphere of a local café. Their muffins are to die for which is the reason I often visit this place. But no matter how many times I come here, which is almost every day, the workers never seem to remember me. It used to hurt me before but I soon understood I shouldn’t bother with these petty things.

The bored looking barista, who is a college student, takes my order and gives me the chocolate chip muffin and my iced tea. As I smile and thank her while paying, she just rolls her eyes and mutters something unintelligible. I roll my eyes when I step out.

‘Teenagers these days.’ It is close to 8:25 when I catch the boss to my work. There is no place to sit so I stand in between a middle-aged man and a young girl. I had the urge to get the book in my bag, so that I have something to do, but immediately banish that thought because I don’t think I’ll get much reading done in this packed place.

To cure my boredom, I observe the passengers on either side of me. The middle-aged man is on his phone, no surprise there, and the little girl seems to be babbling over something to her mother. But when I look closer, I can see that the man’s mother, I think, tries to talk to her son but he seems to be outright ignoring her. The girl’s mother is busy attempting to protect her makeup and seems to care less about her daughter’s ramblings. How she is able to apply makeup in this overcrowded bus is a mystery to me. Seeing these interactions, I felt a pang of the same feeling I had when I was approaching the café.

The time is 8:47, by the time I reach my workplace. And my whole working hours were filled with monotone, curt and boring interactions. I tried for the umpteenth time to make a suggestion to my boss for this idea that had struck me. But my boss didn’t seem to want to do anything different. He just wanted money for what we already did and didn’t want to waste it on a new project. A dejected sigh left my lips as I exit his cabin.

I got back to work on the mountains of paperwork he had handed me saying,

‘’If you have so much time to think of nonsense stuff, do this pile of work for me.’’ I mumbled a few curses when I start doing my work. By the time lunch rolled in, I had completed almost half of the work. I sit in my cubicle and eat my lunch since even in the canteen I have to sit alone, so it doesn’t make much difference for me. I grabbed the daily lunch served in the canteen.

I quietly eat my lunch while scrolling through social media, replying to my mom’s text and checking what’s trending in movies. Since today is Friday, I can go to watch a movie tomorrow. After lunch is over, the office is once again a swarm of workers. I always get a claustrophobic feeling whenever I’m in my office, even more than when I’m outside.

My work ended at around 6:36 pm. I had to stay back since I had to attend some meeting with the higher ups. It was all the same.

‘Money is good, lets make some more.’ This was the gist of all the meetings I ever attended. As I was going to my dorm, I saw that a circus has been set up for the weekend. Maybe I’ll take a chance and go but I’m not really interested in these types of things.

I eat my dinner at a local diner, when the time was 7:15. This particular diner was located right beside the café I visited often. I reached home at 8:00 pm. I had gotten distracted by an arcade so I went there. When I unlocked the door, I heard the sound of laughter coming from one of my roommate’s room. They seemed to be hanging out there. Even if I have known them for more than four years, I have never been invited to these types of things. When I tried to communicate with them, they just brushed me aside. I gave up after several unsuccessful attempts.

I feel like an outcast. Not only in my dorm. At work, at the movies, at the park, in the bus, everywhere I go I felt like I had no one to turn to.

After reading the book I wanted and fooling around on the laptop, I got ready for bed at 10:30. As I laid down on my bed, I could still hear the bustling of the city around me. Never resting, always moving. When I closed my eyes, I heard the laughter of my roommates and the crinkling of food packets coming from two rooms down my own room. Right before I fell into a deep sleep, the last thought I had was,

‘A black sheep in a flock of white sheep. That’s what I feel like every single day.’