After Everything That Happened

Silva and her wife Mauve got out of their car after a three-hour drive. They went to the front desk at the hotel and got their room key. Even though it was late at night Silva wasn't tired, meanwhile, Mauve was almost falling asleep at the front desk. After checking in they got to their room, Mauve took off her shoes and collapsed. Silva undressed and got ready for bed. She then sat next to Mauve and tenderly rubbed her back. "Thanks for driving." Mauve just groaned at Silva then nuzzled up to her. She started to take off Mauve's clothes, which made her groan louder. Silva replied to Mauve's groans, "You can't sleep next to me in your stinky, sweaty clothes. I'm also not letting you wear socks in bed. It's disgusting!" After she removed Mauve's clothes she tucked her in and cuddled her.

Hours pass and Silva still couldn't sleep, maybe it was the fact she slept through the entire trip. Even though Mauve promised to wake up her halfway and switch drivers. But the main thing keeping her up was mostly where she was. Silva grew up in the town they are in. She has some good and bad memories of this place. But the bad memories are what drove Silva way, and what are bringing her back. Silva clutched Mauve and tangled her legs around hers then eventually fell asleep.

Morning came, Mauve woke up early and got breakfast in bed. Silva wakes up when the maid knocked on the door with the food. Her eyes blurred into focus at the digital clock on the nightstand, tt was 10:15 am. "Sleep well?" Silva asked Mauve and she replied. "I slept okay. How about you? I felt you squirming all night. I think you stopped at around three in the morning." Silva nodded and sipped her coffee. "Yeah, I guess I couldn't sleep because I slept in the car before. Why didn't you wake me halfway?" Mauve smirked and patted Silva's head, "You looked comfy. Now that I look at you, I don't think the car nap is the only thing that kept you up." Mauve can read Silva like a literature professor.

"I'm in a much better headspace now than I was back then. This town is starting to pick at my scars for some reason. I feel anxious about coming back. What if my parents still hate me? What if they ask about my faith? I don't know where I stand with God ever since they disowned me." Silva started to open up and Mauve just ate her eggs calmly then said, "Your parents didn't disown you. They never owned you in the first place. Your parents invited us back to talk about things. We moved out of Deep River seven years ago. Seven years is a long time to think. The fact that they are trying to reach out now is a good thing. Maybe they changed their minds about us.” Silva gave Mauve an are you serious glare with a piece of toast in her mouth. “They went to your graduation so it really hasn’t been seven years completely apart.” Mauve mention trying to be optimistic. Silva swallowed her toast and said, “Yeah they just came to my graduation just to see if I’m still gay. I was at rock bottom and they left me, They had the nerve to think I needed to apologize to them at my graduation. This trip was a mistake!” 

“Look, I think this trip is necessary. I have to admit that I have a bit of guilt too. It wasn’t fair that you had to choose between me and your family. You always felt like you had to please everybody, It came to the point where you gave up your happiness. This is a chance to let go and assert yourself.” “You’re right.” Silva agreed. After the talk, they finished their breakfast and got dressed. They wanted to drive around a bit to check out the town before visiting Silva’s parents.

They both drove down the old roads and nothing seemed to change. The restaurant where Silva and her soccer team used to eat after a game was still there. So was the church which stood at the end of the street. It was a modest building with white brick and a wooden roof. Mauve parked the car in front of the church and stared at it reminiscently. “I still remember what happened at the dam.” Mauve pause and Silva just stared quietly out the window. “Do you want to check it out?” Mauve asked. Memories flooded Silva’s mind, but she felt more at ease because Mauve was there. “Sure.” They both got out of the car and started down the trail to the dam. When they got there they just silently took in the view. Silva thought back to what happened at this dam.

In Junior high after battling her feelings for Mauve, Silva told her parents the truth. She could not talk to them in person without having a panic attack. So she texted them after school and she got a reply. It was a long reply from her mother, it wrote, You of all people should know what you are doing is a sin. You are a smart and beautiful young woman. How could to defile yourself like that. What you are feeling is unnatural and you need help. Girls don’t just start having feelings for other girls by chance. Did something happen to you that changed you? We are going to have a long conversation about this. Your father is mortified. How could you tell us something like this over text? If this is a joke then it’s not funny. We don’t live that type of lifestyle in our home. That message was Silva’s breaking point. After school, she didn’t go back home with Mauve like she uses to. Instead, she went to her church and stayed there until the sun went down.

Silva was trapped, she couldn’t be happy and be free to be herself to anyone. She stuck her neck out once and go decapitated, All of Silva’s personas started to collapse around her. The best friend persona for Mauve, the perfect daughter persona, the good Christian girl persona, the outgoing persona, they all vanished leaving just a husk. She texted Mauve what she thought was her last message to her. You are my best friend. I can’t thank you enough for being there for me. You made me feel like I was myself. But I wasn’t totally open with you even though you were. I have to leave I can’t be myself here. Goodbye. It was only seconds later that Mauve replied, Are you okay? Where are you? Please call me you’re scaring me! Silva turned off her phone and left the church. 

Silva walked to the dam which as close to the church it had a fifty-foot drop. She leaned on the edge and looked down at the water jetting down. Then out of the corner of her eye, she saw Mauve charging at her. “Don’t!” Mauve screamed as she tackled Silva to the ground. Coughing Silva struggled to get up as Mauve clung herself to her. “You are not leaving me! I don’t want you to die! You can talk to me I’m not going to hate you! What’s going on?” Mauve sobbed. Silva tapped Mauve’s arm to try and free her lungs to speak. “You are not going to jump are you?” Mauve waited for assurance from Silva before loosening her grip. Gasping for air Silva said, “I wasn’t going to jump. I was going to run away. I’m sorry if you thought that I didn’t mean it like that. I just can’t stay here anymore. How did you find me anyway?” “Where else is there here? I was waiting for you at school to walk home but you weren’t there. Then I got your text, I started looking everywhere, I even called your parents. Your dad said that you weren’t home. He seemed mad at me for some reason, he said that I was a bad influence on you. Anyway, why can’t you stay here anymore? Did you have a fight with your dad?” Mauve asked with concern.

Silva stared down at the ground with guilt and started to cry. “I like girls.” Mauve hugged Silva and comforted her, “So that’s what this is about. It’s okay, I kind of known to be honest. Well, I’m bisexual if that makes you feel better, so you’re not alone, You’re the first person I told. Silva, you are my best friend please don’t keep stuff like this. I notice you always seem the change in different events. You don’t have to camouflage with me. Do you need somewhere to go? You know I have a spare bedroom downstairs.” Mauve’s death grip turned into a hug. Silva didn’t feel like telling Mauve how she felt about her. All she needed was a friend.

Afterward, Silva slept over at Mauve’s and stayed there most of the time till highschool graduation. Silva rarely talked to her parents, it was like she didn’t exist to them. Then Silva and Mauve both left Deep River to Lockland College in Pennysville. Silva studied architecture, while Mauve studied chemistry. They started dating at the beginning of their courses. When they both graduated, they also got engaged. Silva became a chief architect for a millionaires’ mansion renovation. While Mauve got a job at Sweet Meet as a food scientist creating candy flavorings.  

Silva and Mauve kept looking over the dam together. The anxiety blew away with the smell of moist air. “Thank you. You shouldn’t feel guilty. For what it’s worth, if I had to choose between you and my parents again, I won’t change a thing. You accepted me and supported me in becoming my own person.” Silva said putting her head and Mauve’s shoulder. They kissed softly and kept watching the water stream quietly. All the bad memories were resolved at that moment. Mauve checked the time and it was 12:53, they were supposed to be at Silva’s parent’s house at one o’clock. “Ready to go?” Mauve asked. “Let’s do this,” Silva said with her newfound confidence. 

The two got back to their car and drove to Silva’s childhood home. The neighborhood was just as they left it. They pulled into the driveway and Silva got out of the car before Mauve could turn it off. Mauve stood back and watched as Silva got to the front door. She saw Silva pace back and forth after knocking on the door. The door open and it was Silva’s mother. She was much shorter than Silva now, she looked fragile. They paused and looked at each other, then Silva’s mother started to cry. Then Silva’s father came out next to the mother. He scooped them both in his arms and they all rocked together. Mauve knew that everything was going to get better.