Faith in Strangers

“It’s starting to get bad out there,” Paul says, as he pries the blinds open using his fingers. “Maybe we should put the car in the garage before it gets stuck in the snow and we have to spend hours digging it out tomorrow.” Leanne sighs, ignoring the impending snowstorm that the weatherman has been talking about on the news since the beginning of the week.

“I don’t care about the weather, Paul. We need to finish our discussion.”

Paul turns away from the window and faces Leanne. “I told you, Leanne, I don’t want to talk about this anymore. We have been over this a million times. We can’t have a baby and ignoring everything the doctors have said is not going to help.”

“Yeah, but what about foster care, or adoption, or even a surrogate.” Leanne suggests, not wanting to give up on her dream—their dream—of having a child.

“I told you, those ideas cost money—a lot of it. And adoption takes a long time. It could be years until we find a child to adopt.”

“Okay, so why not start now?” Leanne pleads, gesturing for Paul to sit down on the couch.

Paul does not move. “Leanne, I don’t want to talk about it anymore. We’re not having kids, it’s just something you’re going to have to deal with.”

“Something I’m going to have to deal with? What about you? I thought having kids was something we both wanted.”

“We did,” Paul sighs, “but not like this. Not when it would be this hard.”

Well, Leanne feels like saying, sometimes the things we want most in this world require doing the hardest things. Nothing comes easy, she thinks. But instead, she gets up from the couch and grabs the keys from the kitchen counter.

“Where are you going?” Paul asks, chasing after her. “It’s snowing really bad, Leanne. I don’t think this is safe. Just come back inside and we can talk about it tomorrow.”

“No,” Leanne huffed, holding back tears. “I don’t want to talk about it tomorrow. I want to talk about it now. And if you don’t want to talk about it now, I don’t want to be here.” Before Paul can say anything or follow her out of the house, she is in the car, revving up the engine and pulling out of the driveway.

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Every radio station that Leanne scrolls to is a weatherman giving an update on the blizzard that seems to be getting worse by the minute. Maybe I should turn around, she thinks. It probably isn’t worth being killed in a car accident just so I can avoid Paul right now. Just as she is thinking of turning around, the car slows down and comes to a complete stop. What the hell? She thinks. She presses on the gas pedal once more, but the car doesn’t budge. Then she looks down at the dashboard, noticing the big E sign light up, as if mocking her.

She gets out of the car, remembering that she was stupid enough to not check the gas tank before she left and to leave her cell phone on the kitchen counter. She tries to remember seeing any gas stations or convenience stores on her short drive, but she is drawing a blank. She looks up, feeling the snow hit her face hard. She sees a sign straight across the street for a supermarket, lights practically glowing around the entire building. Thank God, she thought, maybe someone in there has a phone.

She crosses the street and heads into the supermarket, feeling the snow fall harder and faster with every step she takes. “Hello?” She calls, as she walks in. “Helloooo?” She says a little louder, feeling hopeless. The lights are on, but nobody seems to be stocking the shelves, checking out customers in the front, or speaking over the PA system.

Seriously? The only place that seems to be open, and there is no one here. What luck. She thinks to herself. Just as she starts turning back to the front of the store, struggling for a Plan B, she hears a noise. “Hello!” She screams louder this time, her voice sounding frantic. “I need help! My car is out of gas and I don’t have my phone on me. Please, I need help! It’s getting really bad out there!” But she is not welcomed with a response. Did I just imagine that noise, she thinks, Am I going crazy? Is someone really here? She starts getting frightened, and decides to leave right away, even if it is the only place open. This place was too creepy to stay in.

She walks down Aisle 7, passing by the flour, sugar, and cake decorating supplies on her way. She hears a noise once again. It sounds like crying coming from a child, not an adult. “Hello,” she uselessly tries one more time. “I’m not going to hurt you. I just want to know what’s going on.” She turns the corner, and finds a baby, the last thing she was expecting to see. He couldn’t be more than a year old, crying his little heart out, dressed in blue overalls and a white undershirt. His feet are bare, sticking out from his oversized pants. Leanne gasps. “You poor thing,” she says, as she walks over to him, picking him up. “Where are your parents? Did they leave you here?” She asks the baby, as if he is going to respond to her questions.

“Hello! I have your baby!” She shouts to the empty building. “Hello! Is anyone there?” She tries calling a few more times, but slowly it dawns on her that she and this baby are here, in this abandoned supermarket, alone. They are here alone, with no cell phone, no money, and a car without gas. She sighs as a thousand things cross her mind all at once. What should I do? Should I try to look for a phone? Why would the lights be on if no one is here? Why did someone just abandon their child here? Should I walk home, and bring this baby to Paul? What would he say? Then a last thought, trying to make light of the situation. At least we won’t starve.

She looks outside from behind the windows of the supermarket, still holding the baby who has stopped crying since she picked him up. There seem to be no other stores in site, no lights on in houses nearby. It was getting close to 11 PM, according to the clock along the wall in the front of the store, and the snow did not seem to be letting up anytime soon. She thinks some more about her possible options right now. Check the store to see if they have a phone—they have to it’s a supermarket. She passes by each register, searching for a phone. After searching for a few minutes, she finally finds one in what seems to be the manager’s office, which is just as empty as the rest of the building. Still holding the quiet baby, though her arm is starting to get sore, she picks up the phone, only to hear the sound indicating no signal. Okay, what now, she thinks. I was only driving for a few minutes before I got here. We must not be very far from home. A mile, tops. She takes a deep breath. Maybe I should just walk home. No, she begrudgingly though, that is definitely not an option. They could both get frostbite, especially the baby.

After minutes of thinking back and forth, although it felt like hours, she decided her best option was to make a bed for the two of them, hoping that the electricity and heat would stay on overnight. Clearly, someone had decided not to lock up the way they should have, taking this as a good sign that things would not shut down for the night.

She grabs all the things she could find around the supermarket that may help them stay warm and comfortable overnight and set up a space for them in the manager’s office. She was hoping Paul would not worry too much, and go to bed, assuming she would be back by the morning. She wished she could send him a message, just to tell him she is okay, but that clearly was not an option, so she pushed the thought out of her mind.

The baby falls asleep quickly, and she holds him in her arms, finally able to focus on him and what his situation is. Had his parents left him on purpose? Who were his parents and where did they live? What would she tell the police, when she would inevitably call them in the morning once a phone would become available? Most importantly, what would happen to him?

She thinks back to the argument with Paul she had just fled from, although it felt like days ago at this point. When they first got married, they had wanted children so badly. Sally, for a girl, and Chester for a boy. They had agreed. One of each. But after years of trying, it just did not seem like it would ever happen. They had both gotten tested, the doctors trying to downplay what the lab results in their hands said. You can’t have kids, they had said over and over again. Not naturally. But there are several other ways to have kids. If you really want it to happen, you can make it happen. But after several more years, Paul had had enough. He just wanted to enjoy his life, he had said, and not spend it looking for a child that would never come. But for Leanne, that is what enjoying life meant. She could barely look at a child without crying now, and she loved Paul, but she did not know if she could take it anymore.

She looks down at the sleeping baby, feeling her heart tug at his soft face and quiet breathing. I wish he was mine, she thinks. I would be a better mother than whoever his mother actually is—I would never leave him abandoned in a supermarket. She sighs. No matter how much she wished for it, she knew a child would not come for her.

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She wakes up in a cold sweat. She must have fallen asleep a while ago, with the baby tucked safely in her arms. She checks the clock on the desk in the office. 4:03 AM, it reads. She rubs her eyes, checking on the baby. He’ll probably be up soon, she thinks, not looking forward to it. She looks down at the baby once more, feeling something pull from her insides and push its way upward. She leaves the baby in the office, making sure he is comfortable and safe in there, and runs into the bathroom in the back of the building, making it just in time to heave her insides into the toilet. I must have had some food poisoning. I did eat that Chinese food that seemed to be kind of old. I wonder how long it was in the fridge? She spends another twenty minutes in there, until she feels like nothing remains inside her stomach. Washing her face and running back to the office, she hopes the baby was okay without her. She finds him tucked in the same spot she put him in thirty minutes earlier, eyes closed, not having a clue about anything that is going on.

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“Hello! Is anyone in there?”

Leanne wakes with a start, the unexpected night she just had quickly coming back to her. She looks down at the baby, who is awake but quiet, and who is probably hungry and needs to be changed. She walks out of the office with the baby in her arms, wanting to believe someone really is there, but not sure what is real anymore. A woman seems to be banging on the door as loud as she can, beyond her the destruction of the blizzard last night layers the ground.

Leanne walks to the door with the baby, welcoming the woman in, as if she owns the place. The woman’s eyes go straight to the baby, ignoring Leanne completely. “Oh my god!” She screams. “Leo!” She pulls the baby, Leo, out of Leanne’s arms. She starts peppering his face with kisses. “Thank God you’re okay. Thank you, thank you so much!” Leanne stares at her, not knowing what to say. She thinks she can just leave her baby here, and then get away with taking him home? What kind of mother would do that? Instead of pushing these thoughts away, like she normally would, she speaks up. “What is wrong with you? He could have died! You’re lucky I was here, but who knows what could have happened if I wasn’t!” The woman looks like she has been slapped in the face, which would serve her right. She bursts into tears, apologizing, repeatedly muttering “I’m sorry” to both Leo and Leanne.

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When Leanne finally gets home, there are policemen huddled in the living room, surrounding a crying, disheveled Paul. Once he sees Leanne walk through the door, he jumps up from the couch and onto her. “Leanne! I thought you were dead! Thank God! What happened? Are you okay?”

She smiles. “I’m fine. I was stuck in the supermarket all night.” She tells him the whole story, watching his eyes widen the longer she talks. When she finishes, he apologizes and tells her he loves her. “I love you too,” she says, then gives him a kiss and looks beyond him, at all the policemen. She tells them about Leo’s mother, and how she thinks Child Protection Services should look into the family. They say they will get on the case immediately, and shuffle away in their police cars.

Once they leave, Paul is kissing Leanne all over, telling her he is so glad she is okay and wouldn’t know what to do if she wasn’t. She tells him she is glad too, and then admits the thought she had when she was looking down at the baby, right before she ran to the bathroom to spill her guts. “Paul, at one point I thought, ‘maybe this could be our baby. Maybe his parents won’t show up, and Paul and I could be his parents.’ Isn’t that ridiculous?”

Paul sighs, “No, of course not. After everything we have been through,” he pulls her closer to him, “it’s not ridiculous.”

“Okay,” Leanne says and then starts to pull away to head into the kitchen.

 He pulls her closer. “I was thinking about our argument last night, and maybe we should look into adoption.” He smiles.

“Really?” Leanne says. He nods, kissing her on the lips. Leanne feels her guts wanting to flip themselves inside out once again, so she pulls away from him and runs into the bathroom. Leanne starts to spill her guts into the toilet, and she, reflexively, reaches for the last pregnancy test in the cabinet. She always had a stash waiting in there, in case she miraculously became pregnant, despite the various lab results delivered by medical professionals. Was it even possible? After everything the Doctors told us? She does not even have time to think, quickly peeing on the stick before her body switches back to vomiting.

She finishes with the stick, then gives in to her stomach’s sudden need to take control over her entire body. After the contents of her stomach feel sufficiently emptied, she looks at the pregnancy test, staring at the little window that indicates a positive or a negative result. She holds the test close to her chest, letting out a deep sigh.

Paul gently knocks on the door. “Hey, you okay in there?” He asks.

Yes, she smiles through tears streaming down her face, I’m okay. All of three of us are going to be okay.