Idiot Wish

This is the end of all racism or maybe all isms, right?   Yeah, right.   This won’t work in a billion years.   Everyone’s going to hate you and not just the artists, animators, film makers, everybody.   You’re an idiot 

     But think of the Silverstein poem?   That was made for kids, stupid kids.   It’s not going to make everything right. It’s made everything wrong.   And think about driving, flying, biking, playing any sport or watching any sport.   How we gonna watch a Superbowl with no lights?   Hell, How we gonna even watch TV without no lights.  You in’s got a degree and I ain’t but even I knows we gotta have lights and what about the farmers?  Did you think of that you genius, before you made this goddamn wish?  No, I mean yeah, farmers need to see to pick their crops, but plants need sunlight to grow.   Ever think of that?   So, yea, this’ll end racism ‘cause there won’t be no more humans.  Ever think of that?   ‘Course not.  To do that, you’d have to have a thought.  Geniuses don’t have thoughts.   They just think about stopping hate and other philosophical bullshit.  

      Think about ecosystems.   We, well, most humans are omnivores.   Know what an omnivore is, genius?   ‘Course not.  A carnivore is something that eats meat.  What?   No, not a cannibal, a carnivore.  We don’t need cannibals.  Anyway, herbivores eat plants.  With me so far, genius?   I’d say to look at it from my perspective but no one can see anymore.  Now, carnivores eat herbivores, and herbivores eat plants and know what plants eat?   Of course not?   Why would a motherfucking visionary study agriculture?   Plants get nutrients from the Earth and sunlight.   But, now, genius, there ain’t no Sun or at least there ain’t no light from the Sun ‘cause if you’d wished the Sun out of existence, the Cetripedal Force from the Sun would stop and Earth would go spinning off into our expanding Universe.  And I’m not floating off, though your head’s in the clouds.  

     Can you undo your wish?  You don’t?   Ok, who does?   El Perro. Never heard of them.   Must be the New Age term for a genie, or something.   I’d say we could go look for El Perro but we can’t since no one can see anymore.  You got anyway to call or page El Perro?   Treat?   Like candy, treat?   Meat?   Great.   All we need is a seeing-eye dog and we can go to the supermarket and pick up some tenderloins.   But tell me, how’s the butcher going to find the meat or cut the meat if they can’t see and how’s the cashier going to tell the difference between a Grant and a Washington if they can’t see?   Where did you graduate?   “Elementary my dear Watson?”  

      Right?   Let’s just look in the yellow pages and look up “Ghost Busters,” but then I remember, we don’t have ghosts or maybe we do, but we don’t know since we can’t fucking see anything.   Maybe they have Moron Busters who can undue idiot wishes.   Maybe I’ll run into an old lamp or else we’re all fucked.  

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     You still got two more.   You gonna undo the one you just did, right?   That’d make you the real hero.  Moron undoes stupidity.  Magician reveals idiot spells, there’s a light and it ain’t from “Janet Weiss”.   See, God gave you a brain for a reason. . . Or from that last wish, maybe He didn’t.  Or could be a She.  Doesn’t matter.  But that’s what everyone’s saying:   We just want what we had before.   50/50 hindsight’s a bitch, right?   So, undue it.  You won’t?   Even to save the whole damn planet?   You be one stupid son-of-a-bitch.   You know that?   What you gonna wish for next, that we all be deaf and dumb?   What you gonna wish?   Man, that’d be even dumber than the first bullshit you wished for.  Might as well have “Marvin Martian” blow us all up in smithereens.   Every time you wish something, only bad shit happens.  You need a wish advisor.   You gotta wish for more wishes, like a lot more, talking billions or maybe trillions.   And don’t you say nuttin ‘til you email me and see if it be a good idea.   If we can see again.  That’s got to be the first of your billion wishes, to undue this bullshit.  

     Them what?   Just like a fool and their money, a fool and his wishes.   Think of something that’d help everyone and NOT money, ‘cause everyone got all the money they be wanting, there just be massive inflation, then them morons be needing more, since everything costs more and the bullshit would cycle ‘til a loaf of bread be a billion dollars a loaf.  Give me more dough.  

     So, what, before you wish it, you think this world need more of or maybe less of.   Maybe this world need less educated fools like Coolio.   So, don’t say it, write it down again.   Okay, I could see that, but again, think it through.  What if corporate America got their hands on it and mass marketed it.  Then what?  

     Any more bright ideas?   No, we ain’t watching that “Ren and Stimpy” episode since Stimpy be dumber than you and that be pretty damn dumb.  No, this be something you’s got to figure out on your own.   What you be saying?   Everything?   What you mean, everything?   You wanna know everything so you’d make a good third wish?  No, man.   Yea, you’d be smart, psychic, etc., but everything?   Think about it?   Do you wanna know someone you don’t know is about to get their car run over by a train and die even though you can’t do shit to stop it.  There be ‘bout 6 billion people in the world and you want to know what’s happening with all of them and that ain’t even including the animals.  

       Think, first get more wishes.  Then, wish my council, we be coming up with something good.  I don’t know, maybe we could ask people on the internet what they’d wish for.   They can’t be as dumb as you.   Start a chat room.  

*

People be saying dumber shit than he be like cure so-and-so of such and such disease, eliminate my credit card debt, let me get laid, and a lot of other selfish bullshit.  Basically, health, money, careers, and everything else in every self-help book on the market.  So that’s out.  

    You all ain’t read, “Aladdin”.   You just be watching these bullshit movies from Disney.  If you would read the books, none of them got no happy endings, including this one.   Moron ignored me, didn’t wish for more wishes, and the Earth ended in five days.   I told you to vote for Harris and hide that lamp somewhere else in the Oval Office.