Shaylee found the photo hidden beneath some papers in the bedroom armoire. It was a picture of a beautiful and stylish woman about Shaylee's age. On the back of the photo was the name Chazzy with a heart around it and an address. "Who is this?" Shaylee wondered. She looked up the address and discovered it was an hour away. Shaylee had all kinds of thoughts in her head. Is he seeing this woman? Is she an ex-girlfriend? Is he really away on business or at her house? Shaylee was livid. She jumped in her truck and went straight to the address.
Chazzy was in the kitchen when she heard the doorbell ring.
"Mom! the door!" yelled her son Carter. "Coming!" Chazzy yelled When she opened the door, a striking woman wearing a tee shirt and ripped jeans stood before her. She had her locs pulled into a bun. She was also sporting a gorgeous expensive handbag with boots to match.
"May I help you?" Chazzy said. "Mom? who is that?" Carter asked. "Take your brother and sister into the playroom, please," she told him. After her son left, Chazzy asked again, only firmer, "May I help you." Shaylee said, "Do you know my husband?" Chazzy looked around to make sure her children weren't around, then said, "Why would I know your husband?" Shaylee showed her the photograph and the writing on the back. Chazzy said, "I don't understand, where did you get this?" "I found it in my husband's armoire," Shaylee said with an attitude. Chazzy was confused. She remembered the picture it was taken by her husband last year. "Please come in," Chazzy said. Shaylee hesitated, but she needed answers. "Would you like to sit down?" Chazzy asked politely. "No. I'll stand right here, thank you," Shaylee said. Shaylee was standing in the foyer by the door. The house was amazing, but she didn't know this woman or what she was capable of, so she stayed near the door. "Okay, what's this about?" Chazzy asked. "You and my husband!" Shaylee snapped. "I don't know your husband." My husband took that picture of me last year," Chazzy retorted. "Well something strange is going on and I don't like it," Shaylee said still upset. "Beep, Beep, Beep, "I was in the process of making dinner, that's my oven. Excuse me," Chazzy said and went into the kitchen. Shaylee looked around. She noticed the beautiful flower spray on the marble table. She walked over to it, that's when she saw the picture! Her husband was smiling with this woman and three children! Shaylee almost passed out. She couldn't breathe, she lost her balance, and the frame fell from her hands. Chazzy heard the crash and ran into the foyer. "What happened!" she cried, broken glass was everywhere. "That's my husband in that picture!" Shaylee screamed. "What!" yelled Chazzy picking up the picture frame. "That's my husband with you and those kids!" Shaylee screamed again. "Please keep your voice down, my children are in the house, this is my husband and we have been married for eight years!" Chazzy said, trying to keep her voice down. "This is my husband, and we've been married for six months!" Shaylee said with her voice still raised. Shaylee then pulled from her bag a wedding photo. Chazzy took the photo and her eyes nearly popped from their sockets. Her husband and this woman were standing holding hands in full wedding garb. Then she turned the picture over and on the back read, "Mr. and Mrs. Greyson George."
Chazzy felt lightheaded. she couldn't believe what she had read. "This can't be true," she sobbed. "When were you all married?" she asked. "April 4, 2018," Shaylee replied proudly. "That's my wedding date, April 4,2010," Chazzy said sadly. "I can't believe this," she continued. "This detective is coming around asking questions about my husband," said Shaylee. "You mean my husband. I married him first," Chazzy said. "Well Detective Caleb Sims is making questions about our husband," said Shaylee. "What does he want" questioned Chazzy. "I don't know, he's coming to my house tomorrow to talk with me." "We have a bigger problem on our hands. How can we be married to the same man!" Chazzy yelled trying not to cry. "I don't know, but I'm glad I came here, so now we know." "Mom! is it time to eat!" yelled Cairo from the upstairs room. "My children need to eat now," said Chazzy. "I need to go anyhow, it's late," said Shaylee. "We need to stay in touch," Chazzy said.
The ladies exchanged numbers and Shaylee left. On the ride home, she kept replaying the whole scene over again in her head. "How did this happen." "I thought I knew everything about Greysone, my whole marriage is a lie." After feeding the children and sending them to bed, Chazzy called her husband. He didn't answer. She texted him, but he didn't reply. Chazzy was furious, but she didn't want to do something that she might regret later, so she decided to wait until she sees him in person. Detective Caleb Sims had been working on this case for about a year. Fifteen women had been murdered. Until now he had no leads. Now he had a name and it was Greysone George. Shaylee opened the door for the detective. "Good afternoon, Ms. Meeks." "It's Mrs. George," said Shaylee. "Meeks is my maiden name," she corrected him. "My apology, Mrs. George." "So what the reason for this visit, detective." "M'am, do you know where your husband is?" "Yes, he's away on business, why?" "Where?" the detective quizzed. "I don't know, he didn't say." "What kind of work does he do?" "You're the detective, you should know," Shaylee said smartly. "Listen, Miss, I have fifteen dead women and your husband fits the description!" the detective boomed. "Why? because he's black!" Shaylee shot back. "NO! because he guilty!" the detective countered. "You have no proof of that, besides I'm a lawyer, I don't have to talk to you and neither does my husband!" "You're right you don't, but just think of those women who were slaughtered by that animal husband of yours. Don't you think that their families deserve some justice and closure?" "I do, but my husband is innocent." "That's what they all say," he said hotly. "Instead of you grilling me, you need to be out there trying to catch the real killer. My husband is innocent." "Are we finished here, detective?" she asked coldly. "I'm done. By the way, do you know Chalize George?" "I can't say that I do, why?" questioned Shaylee. "Hmm," chuckled the detective. "Good day, Mrs. George," said Detective Sims walking out the door. After Detective Sims left, Shaylee called Chazzy. "Hello." "Hi, this is Shaylee." "Yeah." "Detective Sims asked me if I knew you. He called you Chalize." "That's my name. Chazzy is a nickname. So what did he want?" "I don't want to discuss this over the phone, let's meet somewhere tomorrow to talk." "Alright, let's have brunch at that place in Johnsonville down the street from the mall. I'll call you after I drop the kids off at school." "Sounds good, bye." "Bye." After talking with Shaylee, Chazzy's phone rang. "Hello." "This is Detective Caleb Sims, may I speak to Chalize George, please?" "This is she? how may I help you?" "Mrs.George I have a sensitive matter I need to discuss with you. Can you come down to the station?" "I have to pick up my kids from school in a couple of hours." "It would take too long, I promise." "Okay, I"ll be there in thirty minutes." Detective Sims told Chazzy all about the murders and how her husband fits the description. Chazzy left the police station feeling numb. How could her husband be capable of such gruesome acts? Her mind was spinning. She started to get angry. "How could he do this to me!" she thought. "He's going to pay for this." Shaylee and Chazzy met at the Double C Cafe in Johnsonville. The owner Cayla was a sweet woman with a beautiful smile. Chazzy felt comfortable there. The two women discussed their conversations with Det. Sims. "Do you really think Greysone is capable of what the detective said?" "I don't know Shaylee, he did marry both of us and not say anything. Who knows what other secrets he's keeping." "I'm a lawyer. I know criminals. I would know if I married one." "I thought you were a business attorney; not a criminal lawyer." "The same thing, I know shady business deals." "But, you didn't know your husband was a two-timing, no good polygamous dog!" "Chazzy calm down. We have to be smart about this." "Smart about what? we could be next, number sixteen and seventeen! I don't know about you, but I have kids to protect. I'm getting a gun." "Are you sure that's a good idea, I mean with the kids in the house?" Maybe you're right. Spring Break is coming up. I'm going to send my kids to stay with my mom until this mess is settled." The women talked a little while longer, then Chazzy had to go pick up her kids from school. During the drive home, Chazzy thought about her husband's garage and how he never let her go into it. "Maybe I can pick the lock," she thought. "I got to get into that garage," she said. That night Chazzy finally got through to her husband. "Honey, I've been calling and texting you, why haven't you called me back?" "I've been busy. I have to work. Are the kids okay?" "Yes, but.." "But, what? if it's not an emergency stop calling me!" "We need to talk, it's important." "Talk about what? Do you need anything? more money; a bigger house? what?" "No, I just need to talk to you," Chazzy said meekly. "Well it's late and I'm tired. We'll talk when I'm back in town." "When will that be?" "When I'm back, now bye!" Chazzy hung up the phone feeling defeated. She hated the way her husband made her feel when he talked to her like that. All she wanted was a little of his time, also some respect too. "He's going to pay for talking to me like that," Chazzy said still fuming about the phone call. Chazzy called Shaylee to tell her that she would be out of town for the weekend. She was flying down with her children to her mom's. When Chazzy got back in town, she called Shaylee. She informed Shaylee about the garage. Shaylee told her that she'd be over after work and not to do anything until she got there. Chazzy agreed and hung up. When Shaylee got to Chazzy's house, they went to the garage. There was a huge padlock on the door. Shaylee had never seen one so big before. The women discussed ways they could get the lock open. "I don't think it's a good idea, from a legal standpoint, it's breaking and entering." "He's our husband and he may be a serial killer, forget legalities." "You don't believe Greysone is really a serial killer do you?" "He won't tell me where he is, he has a big padlock on the garage door, and he secretly married you! Our husband is a serial killer!" As the ladies continued to argue about the lock, they both got texts from Det. Sims. The next morning when the ladies arrive at the police station, Det. Sims informed them that he had prints from a B&E and the results were surprising. "Detective, what's going on?" asked Chazzy. "Last night there was a break-in at this lady's house." "And?" said Shaylee. "Well, the prep broke in through the side window. When he climbed in the dog attacked him. As he was trying to get away, he cut himself on the glass." "So, you got him!" Chazzy said with a gasp. "We got him!" the detective said excitedly. "But", said Det.Sims. "He's not Greysone." "WHAT!" both ladies yelled in unison. "Chalize? did you know your husband had a twin brother?" "A twin? No!" Chazzy said shocked at the news. "A twin?" repeated Shaylee. "Yes, a twin. His name is Greysome George he has been impersonating his big brother Greysone George." "A twin?" the ladies repeated. "They were three years old when they were separated. Greysone went to a nice family and Greysome, well he went to a not so nice family," the detective explained. "Is he here? Can I talk to him?" asked Shaylee. "NO, I'm sorry. He can only talk to his lawyer," said the detective. "But I'm his wife,'" said Shaylee. "No, you didn't marry Greysome George, you married Greysone George; that was a fraud," said the detective. They all laughed because it was true. That evening Chazzy called her husband. She was assertive and made him listen to her. After hearing this Greysone got on the next plane home. He told his wife about how he and his brother were separated and never saw each other again. Chazzy introduced the"real" Greysone to Shaylee, it was a bittersweet moment. "Our husband isn't a serial killer, just mine," Shaylee mused. "I glad they caught him, now those women families can finally get justice," Chazzy said. Chazzy asked Greysone about the padlocked garage. He unlocked it. Inside was his home office. Chazzy found a box underneath the desk. When she looked in the box she saw blueprints for a house. Her husband was building them a new house in Texas so that she could be closer to her mother, that's why he didn't tell her where he was. She also found a picture. It was of two twin boys sitting side by side and smiling with not a care in the world and written on the back of the picture was Greysone and Greysome George, age 3, March 20, 1980.
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Hi Cindy, I read your story and it's really good. I loved the plot.
But as a Critique reader, I'd like to make some points.
1) Try to proofread your stories. For example, I found some tiny mistakes that I am sure can be resolved like in the sentence 'It would take too long, I promise.' I guess it should be 'it would 'not' take long, I promise. But mistakes happen maybe I might also have done in one of my stories but the chance of getting better is always there :)
2) Better sentence formation could be done, so I recommend you to read more and more stories and I believe reedsy is the perfect platform. For eg/- Instead of writing- Shaylee had all kinds of thoughts in her head, we could also mould it like 'multiple threads of thoughts started to tangle in Shaylee's mind.'
3) Also, try to leave spaces (writing it in the next line) between each dialogue, If they are in continuation. It would make it a lot easy for the readers to read it.
4) I love the choices of the names of characters like Shaylee and Chazzy.
5) I also liked the title choice. Very attractive, I would say.
Hope you take these points as a positive remark. Looking for a sparkle of improvement in your next stories. Keep writing Cindy! I know you can do this.
-YOUR CRITIQUE PARTNER :)
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Thank you Keya Jadav for your critique. I appreciate the feedback.
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