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You check the time. Perfect. As intended, you've arrived fashionably late.

Posted in Funny on Oct 26, 2022

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✍️ 115 stories

A Breakup in Five Acts

Shortlisted for Contest #47 ⭐️

Act I is the easiest part to write as you don’t even like him at first, unusual considering how hard and how fast you fall. On your first date, he asks what type of restaurant you prefer. Idiot, you think. We aren’t going to get into any place decent this late on a Saturday night without reservations. He asks you again, enumerating your options: Thai, French, Greek, Italian. You throw him a curve ball: Mediterranean. He smiles his salesman’s grin at you and drives directly to the Iron Gate Inn in Adams Morgan. You are shocked when, indeed, h...

77 likes 26 comments 26
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Business

Submitted to Contest #47

You check the time. Perfect. As intended, you’ve arrived fashionably late. The shouts and roars get louder as you open the door.You’re in a large, single-story building. It was once a storage warehouse, but has since then been converted to an illegitimate wrestling/MMA arena.With your navy blue suit, dark tie and neatly combed graying hair, you look like you’re going to an interview at a multi-national corporation. You look like a misfit among all these half-clothed, mindless bunch of people.You see the large white spotlight shining over the...

72 likes 66 comments 66
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Hospital Visits

Submitted to Contest #47

My footsteps slow as I reach the end of the hall. I know you’re there. I can hear you breathing every so softly. I stop in front of your door and reach for the knob, but I don’t pull it open quite yet. I’m waiting for you to sense me and say, “Come in, I’ve been waiting for you.” I’m waiting to hear your wonderful voice, clear as a bell and also wavering in and out of existence. When I’ve waited for over five minutes and still haven’t heard you say anything, I push the door open and walk in. You’re sleeping. I sit down by the bed and watch y...

62 likes 18 comments 18
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A Day in the Life of a Princess

Submitted to Contest #47

You sigh, in a couple minutes, you'll have to go to your daily lessons. After begging and begging and begging, you've finally convinced your mother, the Queen, to give up the history lessons. You don't need to know whether you're uncle was 80 or 85 when he died, and how that changed his use in life. You don't need to know what jewels your aunt wore when she went to one in about 100 wedding or balls. That was your main argument. The queen is now really mad at you, and reprimands you for everything that you do. "Dear, I know that you try, but ...

46 likes 7 comments 7
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Who's Kidding Who?

Submitted to Contest #47

“May I be of any assistance?” You swing round from the row of adverts in the window to see a handsome young salesman dressed in the inevitable crisply-pressed suit and tie, towering over you. The most startling turquoise-blue eyes twinkle down at you and the term ‘stunning’ springs to mind. No doubt a result of reading too many romance novels, you scold yourself. Stop it! After all, you are here on business.“Erm, yes please. I’m looking for a…. I need a… erm… I want to buy a car,” you say and immediately want to kick yourself. Nothing like s...

43 likes 36 comments 36
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Happily Ever After

Submitted to Contest #47

Every morning for ten years you stand on the front porch, smiling and waving as Tom pulls out of the driveway. Neighbors drive past and wave. You smile and wave. This morning is no exception.You pause a moment to take in the splendid morning. The forecast called for rain, but the sun is warm on your face and the sweet smell of honeysuckle fills the air. The weatherman got it wrong again. You feel so lucky to be alive. There’s a bounce to your step as you turn to go back inside the house.Tom has left the coffeepot empty as usual. You always m...

42 likes 37 comments 37
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How NOT to throw a party

Submitted to Contest #47

Pacing back and forth across the wooden floor of your home, you think to yourself most fervently. Should you go to this party? Should you just stay home and let everyone else enjoy the festivities? Did you have enough guests? Perhaps one more would do some good. It was an incredibly hard choice to make. You stop and take a deep breath, allowing the air conditioned air to slowly fill your lungs, calming your rushing mind. Slowly, you exhale your breath, able to finally find some calmness. Perhaps you should stay home, it might do you some goo...

42 likes 33 comments 33
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Inuiria

Submitted to Contest #47

You check the time. Perfect.Once you walk in the door to your right, you will be exactly one minute late. Everyone else will already be there, because as your lawyer advised," It isn't good to be late to court. "Funny little man he is. He usually knew how to play the game well, but on this point he was mistaken. After all, the prime player needs to make an entrance. And so, you adjust your tie, smoothen down your hair, and walk in.The lights are bright, and the stage is set. Everyone sees you walk in. " So sorry I'm late, the downt...

37 likes 16 comments 16
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Simple. Elegant. Evolved.

Submitted to Contest #47

You look in the mirror. Tie, perfectly off centre and a dashing smile. You can feel the confidence in your chest, like a perfect sculpture waiting to be revealed. Take a moment; you earned it. You turn and face your office. Dark mahogany desk framed by a staggering arch top window overlooking the city. A bearskin rug - one of the last polar bears - lays sprawled across your floor. Old hardwood creaks under your feet as you circle the room. The world will now be yours. Be proud.  Deep breath. Check the time, perfect. Everyone will be w...

36 likes 6 comments 6
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Coming and Going

Submitted to Contest #47

Your chauffeur opens the door and you climb out of your pristine thirty-eight Cadillac. The single piece roof, proof against Chicago weather, makes it your favorite among the small fleet you own. The concierge holds an umbrella to keep the rain off as you walk casually to the door. You check the time. Perfect. As intended, you've arrived fashionably late. The Lexington is not as impressive outside as in, but even at a mere ten stories, it has an elegance which reminds you it once housed the infamous Al Capone. The reception is in the Red Par...

28 likes 4 comments 4
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Better Late Than Never - TW Cussing

Submitted to Contest #47

Leisurely, you drive to the airport return terminal while singing loudly to whatever bubblegum pop song is on at the moment. You pull up to the pick-up point where you see a throng of travelers waiting for their rides. You easily spot the slouched silhouette of your rather irritated boyfriend sitting on a bench next to his suitcase. His leg bounces quickly as he chews his nails, a habit that you once found endearing, but now looks quite disgusting.You check the time. Perfect. As intended, you've arrived fashionably late.Your boyfriend glance...

28 likes 14 comments 14
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Avoiding an Awkward Affair

Submitted to Contest #47

“We shouldn’t,” you assert, perhaps more to yourself than to him. You squeeze his hand for a good measure, in the hope that he won’t take the rejection too gravely. He parks the car at the kerb outside your apartment building, and cuts the engine. The dashboard dials fade, and the car fills with a comfortable darkness. And an awkward stillness.You are secretly delighted that he is trying so hard, to convince you to sleep with him. You are dangerously close to giving in, but a part of you is resolute. He’s advanced all the usual corny argumen...

26 likes 13 comments 13
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Don't be Drawn In

Submitted to Contest #47

Your name is Lilith Jane Andrews. Having just reached the age of forty-three, you are still an uninformed introvert that dislikes going outside of your home, let alone meeting with a friend on a late Saturday night. Why did he invite you then? Why would he bother himself on such a broken cause? Should you go or should you creep deeper into your hovel and officially cut off all ties?"What about the last time I left the house?" You whisper to yourself as you wash a single dirty plate.The last time had ended in one disappointment after the othe...

26 likes 13 comments 13
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Just Acquaintances

Submitted to Contest #47

9:16 P.M You’re late, but right on time. You get out of your car, and tie your hair into a bun. The hair matters most. Shows whether you’re posh, or just neat. Whether you're rebellious or just lazy. It is you. That’s important to know when you’re against the FBI. “Viki. Where have you been?” Kia asks in the strictest voice she could possibly muster. You purse your lips and, look down in shame, even though both of you know that you came late on purpose. “Does it matter?” You meet Kia’s steely gaze. “Yes. Yes, it does matter.” She grabs yo...

24 likes 13 comments 13
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Death Do Us Part

Submitted to Contest #47

When I first met you, I thought “forever” would be so much longer.You were already at the restaurant when I got there. I had finished my appointment, and we were scheduled to meet afterward. But of course, I hadn’t factored in an extra half hour to sob in my car. I checked the time. Perfect. Now I’m fashionably late to my date with destiny.You weren’t mad when I hustled over to your table and made my apologies. You simply cracked a joke about how you’d better get used to waiting for me and smiled that smile which alw...

22 likes 10 comments 10
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