Robert Egan

Author on Reedsy Prompts since May, 2023

Stories (28)

28 Stories

1006 karma pts

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“VISE News Real Talk: The Art of Soul Swapping” by Robert Egan

Submitted to Contest #226

New research proposes a radical solution for the estimated 13 million people who unwittingly lost their souls in last year's Black Friday mishap. While Hell isn't offering refunds anytime soon, a soul swap isn't out of the question, says Sam Ackerman, sole author on the study and CEO of ExoSouls.His paper, titled "Devilish details: A sparse Bayesian learning framework for enhancing the ExoSouls algorithm," is published this week in Chaos: A Nonlinear Journal of Translational Science.In it, Ackerman claims to have unraveled the 2-for-1 soul s...

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“Alien Love in the Age of Platypus” by Robert Egan

Submitted to Contest #224

Men, women, cyborgs, androids, and one hyper-intelligent beluga. Yanni G has loved and been loved by them all. Yet neither Yanni G, nor any man before him, has ever known the love of a Platypus."Third person. Narcissist." So says Bartholomew, the raven perched upon Yanni G's… my left shoulder.Yes, it is Yanni G, Saturn's only three-time Grammy winner, who writes this. Music is my voice and love my sustenance, yet now I find myself mute, starved, humbled before the Platypus. Rest assured, I don't mean the duck-billed, egg-laying, mammalian cu...

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“Afterparty” by Robert Egan

Submitted to Contest #220

FADE IN:EXT. L.A. RIVER – NIGHTA battered Mini Cooper, headlights off but interior cabin lights on, is parked under the Fourth Street Viaduct. Water curtains both sides of the bridge as the car putters in place.A once-in-a-decade rainstorm is hitting the city, and the L.A. River—nearly concreted out of existence during the last drought—is remembering what it once was. As the water rises under the bridge, the car continues to idle.INT. CAR – NIGHTViolet Caffrey, 29, an old soul trapped in a girlish body, snorts the remaining dot of her latest...

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“No chicken tenders, no multi versus” by Robert Egan

Submitted to Contest #218

🐈‍⬛ Karen B. ★☆☆☆☆ Sep 11, 2023My advise... stay away!!! Place does NOT have multi versus, not even one. And rude. They laughed when I said I was waiting for date and had reservation. Made me sit alone at bar. Super expensive plate tasted like sand vomit. Don't know why its still in business. U act like ur all special but don't have diet coke and not even have chicken tenders. Seriously? And manager tried to kiss me. Gross. Not hygenic.🌌 Response from Felix S. of Parallel Dine 49 (Business Owner)Sep 12, 2023: Hello Karen, First off, no one i...

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“Kid Cube” by Robert Egan

Submitted to Contest #217

Sensei Bob pays me 'nother visit in my dreams. He ain't dead or nothin' like that. I just ain't been answerin' my phone. "Billy-san, destiny call. Why you no pick up?" I act like I'm dozin' in my dream, hopin' that old bastard'll finally leave me be. But Sensei Bob's still floatin' above me when I crack open my right eye. He's wearin' that black gi and givin' me that blind soulbreaker stare. And when he pulls out that damn short sword and points it at his pot belly, I know he's fixin' to commit Seppuku, that fancy Japanese way of spill...

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“A Taste for Dragon's Blood” by Robert Egan

⭐️ Shortlisted for Contest #215

The townsfolk watched as the black wings swung like two scimitars away from the Korinth sea. They held their breath as those wings sliced back towards the jagged peaks of Grymdor's spine. And a few cheered when, with a cobblestone-shaking roar, the beast in the sky let out something that blasted the foothills below: It was dragon's dung, the lifeblood of Queen's Quay. Most in the failed fishing town raced toward the impact site, each hoping to be the first to pick free the scorched treasures that the dragon hadn't digested, but Khisane mer...

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“Deerhead Mansion” by Robert Egan

Submitted to Contest #213

Old man Hinkley liked his boys young… but probably not in the way you're thinking. What I mean is I never once saw Hinkley take off his three-piece suit. As far as I know, the man was born wearing one. And he hardly ever raised a hand to us because he didn't have to. His stare burned holes through us while his voice steered us toward Armageddon, all before his toothless smile brought us back from the brink. I was 6 years old when I first met him, this stick-thin man with slicked back hair who swaggered toward the pair of housing officers...

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“Bottle in a Message” by Robert Egan

Submitted to Contest #212

Dear Immortal Drunkard, Your addiction to the land of the living has upset the cosmic balance. For every bottle you leave standing, another town goes down in flames. The stain of your continued waking existence will draw God's sober ire. Drink up or face the consequences. The typewritten note ended with a crude sketch of a bottle approximately one third full, and the message itself was taped to a full bottle of Old Rip Van Winkle 10-year bourbon. So, it wasn't a message in a bottle, but a bottle in a message on a bottle. The no...

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“Leaving the Almost Palindrome City: Notes from a Second-Rate Villain” by Robert Egan

⭐️ Shortlisted for Contest #208

What do you do when you realize you're not the hero of your own story? I, for one, have fallen in love, and as this city squeezes itself ever tighter to fit some preordained golden proportion, I take solace in the chaos my love has caused me. Picture a peacock clock stretching across a city block, all wrought in gold and fashioned after the automatons of old, a nest of gears and sprockets residing in a corner of Miami known as Coconut Grove, a place I've come to call the Almost Palindrome City. My love sits on her courtyard bench, waitin...

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“Dog Park, High Noon” by Robert Egan

Submitted to Contest #204

Paradise isn't easy to come by and it's even harder to keep. But a good dog knows that she has to stand up to protect what's hers. This is the story of one such dog, the one they call Bella.Now, paradise was Three Forks Dog Park in Snoqualmie, and even on overcast days, of which there were many, the park was a bright place to be. But the sun was shining on that October Saturday when Greg and Bella rode their Ford Bronco into Three Forks. Heads turned, as they always did, at Bella's arrival.Greg strolled, but Bella pranced. Greg was a well-gr...

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“Every Prompt Everywhere All at Once” by Robert Egan

Submitted to Contest #203

"Come in Butt plug, Anvil. This is Goldhammer. Roof status? Over.""Take it off. Take it off," Anvil, also known as Ted, says.I shake my head because the beautiful medal with two rifles crossed over a wreath belongs to me now. I took the medal from Ted and pinned it to my chest because I have good aim and he does not.Ted swings his fist at me again. But I am not there. Again."That is strike two," I say, but only to Ted and not into my walkie talkie. That is so it can be a private word joke between two companion friends.Ted does not laugh, so ...

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“A Rock to Guide Me” by Robert Egan

⭐️ Shortlisted for Contest #202

My best friend is a rock, and I don't mean a shoulder to lean on: He's a rock, a stone, a solid mass of mineral material that resides within that broad spectrum between pebble and boulder. I've had other, human friends over the years, but none compare to the 65-gram supernova that is Noah. That's right, my rock's name is Noah and he's been my constant companion for 37 years. I met him on my eighth birthday. It was a small birthday, just my parents, my Uncle Stan, my sister, and some kid from school whose nose bled all the time. Uncle S...

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“Quantum banana breaks internet” by Robert Egan

Submitted to Contest #200

The video that broke the internet was about bananas. It blindsided everyone. The doomscrollers would later say they saw it coming, and the trolls would claim they did it. But on the day that the internet fell they were all just watching videos like everyone else: videos that offered simple fixes, tips and tricks; videos of bloopers, body shots, traffic stops, dance-offs, and staged candid camera moments. They were all watching, searching for traces of their ideal selves, watching and waiting to feel something. But most didn't see the...

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Author bio

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Shortlisted 4 stories ⭐️

Contest #238
The Boy with Frozen Wings – read story
Contest #215
A Taste for Dragon's Blood – read story
Contest #208
Leaving the Almost Palindrome City: Notes from a Second-Rate Villain – read story
Contest #202
A Rock to Guide Me – read story