Joe Smallwood

Author on Reedsy Prompts since Apr, 2023

Stories (85)

85 Stories

1975 karma pts

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“The Pirate Jig” by Joe Smallwood

Submitted to Contest #234

“It’s two o’clock! Time for my eye drops!”Aye! Aye! Captain,” I said. “What you be wantin' is just a little rest and cheery talk. Mind I be talkative is sure!”“Just get the bottle! And don’t forget to wash your hands!”“Alexa, how many pirates be washing their hands?”“I don’t know that one,” that Alexa says.It was the new bedroom furniture that I be barkin’ my shins on as I round the bed. Maple Dark, expensive wood there be, suited for any pirate’s water-logged chest, too. If I had the gold to show fer it!“I’ll mind me hands and squirt l...

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“Red Dress” by Joe Smallwood

Submitted to Contest #234

That coffee. Was the first thing on my mind. Tall café mocha with a fudge bar or not?I couldn't make up my mind until I realized I already had. Again.Exactly as planned.Then, it's onto the elevator to the 33rd floor. With what's his name? Got it. Not speaking.Cruise by Helen, who winks and is flirtatious. Done.Hmm, is the boss here or not? Here. Time to be A+? In T minus 10 nine 8 seven 6 five...We're live! Too early. Recovery? Nah! Hardly matters. It's a snooze.You really should dress for success more. That’s something. Everyone dresses dow...

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“War Time” by Joe Smallwood

Submitted to Contest #234

“We have all the time in the world!” said the salesperson as he glowed, his bald head glistening as his hands expanded.All over the counter, the watches sprawled and jostled in their cases, the cream-colored one tipping so near me that if I caught it, I thought I should be allowed to keep it. If only my father would let me. Which he never did.“This one,” my dad said.Black. With a plastic face and rubber strap. No kid had a watch like that at school. Least of all me, or so I hoped.“I don’t like it,” I said as loud as I dared.“I’m tired,” my m...

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“The Whatever Thing” by Joe Smallwood

Submitted to Contest #233

Jan 1, oops, the 2nd, Too hungover on the 1st, lol!Oh my! What a big blank piece of paper I have here when I could be using that leather-covered expensive whatever thing that Grandma gave me. Where did that thing go? I last saw it under all the Xmas wrapping and kicked over to the side. Did it end up under the couch that Mom later threw out? If so, it is strictly AWOL, and of course, I will promise to transfer everything I am writing here into it, or it will break Grandma’s heart. How many times has Grandma had her heart broken? Darned if I ...

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“The Nutty Bits” by Joe Smallwood

Submitted to Contest #233

It was a night like any other. Wet and soppy. Maybe not like any other night.Batrius was in a mood. For food. Whatnots? Why not?“Blast this joint! What ails me?” He opined. “Got to spruce this place up!”“Rinky-dinky-do!” yelled Blattodea. “Here’s to whatnots, and why not!”“A plague on you, Blattodea!” yelled Batrius. “All you want is to go blotto! I’m into realfun™ The finer things. Linen, polite company, scintillating conversations…”“Boring people, useless ideas, things that don’t chug-a-lug?”Batrius smacked her one. It was just a touch tha...

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“Whatchamacallit” by Joe Smallwood

Submitted to Contest #233

“It is possible to be perfect!”He looked at me like I knew what I was talking about, or was he just humoring me? “Look at it this way. When was the last time you had to return…oh, name something you like, electronics, computer, whatever?”“Everything usually works?” he replied helpfully. “Even in the smallest details? Like a computer keyboard. If even one key doesn’t work, is the whole thing useless? So, you are saying that people can be like that?”“Sure. Why not?”He shuffled around, opening a kitchen cabinet. He puts my favorite mug in the w...

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“Itty Bitty Kitty” by Joe Smallwood

Submitted to Contest #232

I was only looking for toilet paper.Then, three toilets flushed. One after the other. Automatically.“Stalling for time?” she said.“Before what?”I think she made a face. “What must happen…”“What must happen, where?”“You know! I’ve been talking about it all week!”“Cat got your tongue?” I laugh.#It’s a lineup down the street at my local exquisitely friendly elementary school.“Mama bears be picking up their cubs early?” I ask.“Will you get with the program?” she says. “Schools are getting out early! Isn’t it exciting?”Cars were lined up through ...

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“Ring a Ding Fling? ” by Joe Smallwood

Submitted to Contest #231

“I can get Cary Grant on the phone. Would you like to speak to him?”On New Year’s Day, I wish myself a happy new year and hope for new opportunities, like everyone else I knew. New Year’s Eve was a small affair—just a gathering of friends in our apartment. Then, when I least expected it, there was this phone call on New Year's Day. But I'm getting a little ahead of myself. Let's start at the beginning.He was in his fifties. A former ballet dancer working in the entertainment industry. He swept me off my feet.And who am I? I was a twenty...

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“Dinosaurs” by Joe Smallwood

Submitted to Contest #231

I had such a hard time at the funeral. My mom, God rest her soul. Now I just feel so empty, wandering around this empty house with piles of old things waiting to be thrown out. You hardly know what to keep and what to ditch. I’m scared that I will throw out things that matter to me. Even though I have forgotten what they are!I hated school. But I saw this grade 3 assignment that I did with Ms. Woodrow before she went on sick leave so long ago. Was it twenty years ago? Ran into it at the bottom of a pile of elementary school things. By no mea...

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“Coffee, Tea or Me” by Joe Smallwood

Submitted to Contest #231

“This Christmas I bought everything already! There’s nothing left to buy!” complained Avery Dulles, the II.“Truth be told! Yes! I think you hit the nail right on the head! That is your problem,” the wizard on vacation affirmed as he sipped from a hot mint tea served with a too small saucer. His eyes were downcast, staring at it. If I laugh or cry, this tea will not burn just my nether regions! He thought.“Problem? I never said I had a problem,” sniffed Avery. “What are you hitting on here?”“Oh, nothing! Nothing at all! I’m on vacation, mind!...

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“Swirl” by Joe Smallwood

Submitted to Contest #231

“I can never get it out of my head. The way that nurse treated me. So rude. I want the blinds open, but she is in a rush, putting me off and not doing what I asked!”“It’s a new nurse every three days. So, you try to get to know them, and “Uh huh” is all you hear. They never get to know you. Useless. I hate what I am becoming. The sort of person that puts everyone off.”“Maybe I need a working body to be good! A good person, whatever that is.”“Stop fretting, Mom!” sighed Mia. “I’m sure Olivia will come to see you!”#Mia was having trouble with ...

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“FOMO” by Joe Smallwood

Submitted to Contest #230

“It isn’t Munch, so here, you can have it!”“Munch appreciated!” I exclaim as I take the bag.“He did until FOMO hit!” said the Prevost.I should have known better, but when you starve, your hands have a life of their own. I rummage through Munch’s beat-up travel bag. Burglary tools, identity papers with a picture that looks like me were thrown in with a stale half-eaten lunch! Such trash! Munch left a rotten apple in his bag. I’m so ravenous that I take a bite.Long ago, when I worked, I thought I was happy. I never missed out on anything. Now ...

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“Merry Christmas!” by Joe Smallwood

Submitted to Contest #229

You have to hand it to them! Always trying. Those relatives.Here I am, waiting for whatever. Then the phone rings.“Jimmy! We have a place setting just for you. On the dining room table. Apple pie! Whaddya say?”Christmas, 2022. I was so not ready for this.“I dunno, Aunt Susan. Things are busy here lately. I don’t know if I must fill in for the boss. He said he would let me know…”Then it's yada yada. I start holding my phone away from me. Oliver is making a face. He’s writing a note. Then, he holds it up at an angle, making it hard to read.Emm...

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“Fast Food Haberdashery” by Joe Smallwood

Submitted to Contest #228

“I hate it when my pants make noises when I walk!”It wasn’t our kind of day. So, her look said it all.“Can you still return them?” I replied, helpful, sort of.She stopped walking. “I can’t hear them,” I said. “I swear! Get them wifi enabled? Then you could get some online help?”“Oh, you!”#Me. So I cooked up something. Anything. Not a foodie, obviously. Mac and cheese. Now, that is something.“Oh, yuck! What is this goop?”She did that exaggerated ladling with the wooden spoon thing. You know when you lift whatever you despise and slowly l...

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“The Best Chicken Dinner Ever” by Joe Smallwood

Submitted to Contest #227

Aching feet crunch through that howling blast of wind, my endless pace defying the billowing snow clouds that soak what little dry cloth remains of my scarf, parka, and pants. It was my soggy attempt to bundle up through an endless car-strewn landscape. Just getting to the office bus stop was a story all its own. If I could make my lips move to tell it.But I was one of the fortunate few. Unlike many motorists, I would have a bus to transport me home. We would have bus lanes and priority access to whatever highway snow-clearing was available!...

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