James Offenha

“Another Perro” by James Offenha

That’s what my girlfriend wanted: another perro, but what she really wanted was Homm back, or another perro (dog) like Homm, with the same personality and heart as Homm, which is impossible. Remember the old adage: no two snowflakes are alike. So, try to find a small perro between the sizes of a chihuahua and a Jack-Russel Terrier, who would lick her, play with her, be kind, loving, and affectionate, but if someone tries to attack her will bark, bite, and destroy the other person. Or at least, keep my girlfriend prot...

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“Hommy’s Juxtaposition ” by James Offenha

Submitted to Contest #18

There it was. I’ve been looking for this for years. I have friends who are mediums and one of their specialties is objects. I was looking in my attic for some old baseball cards to see if I could sell them on eBay and I found an old weathered beige jacket. The kind that’s part of a three piece suit. I didn’t find the baseball card, but what I did find was Hommy’s collar.   * When I was twelve years old I had a traumatic brain injury called a subdural hematoma and after being in the ICU in Cleveland, Ohio, I, wit...

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“George’s Wish” by James Offenha

Submitted to Contest #17

Every night we children get on our knees beside our bunk beds and pray for the same thing: a family. My name is George. I am currently living at another Foster Home, it’s almost Thanksgiving, and this will be my first Thanksgiving at this Home. I’m turning fourteen, going into Eighth Grade, and this is my sixteenth home in Virginia. However, there are thirteen other children in this home and they’re probably all praying for the same thing I am.     Thanksgiving is tomorrow and I’ve been to Th...

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“Willy Wish” by James Offenha

Submitted to Contest #16

It seemed logical. I, Willy, had a wish, I love my dog, and I wished my dog, Fifo, could speak, so I could understand what he (Fifo) was trying to tell me.  I spend all day at work as an executive assistant (a fancy name for a secretary), and go home on my lunch break to walk Fifo, feed Fifo, eat my lunch, and go back to work. But, there are a lot of times I’m not quite sure what Fifo is saying. For example, one time I was eating my dinner and Fifo was begging at the table and I scolded him. Then, Fifo went to the do...

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“Joey’s Ball” by James Offenha

Submitted to Contest #15

They are adopting a dog so it can commit suicide. I am Ralph and I am a dog trainer. I am proud of my profession but I’ve never trained a dog to commit suicide. It seems unnatural. Defending its owner I could understand, but suicide? It goes against every natural instinct of a dog. I mean you may as well let the pound put the poor creature to sleep humanely. But, I am the dog trainer and I am getting paid handsomely to train these dogs who would be dead anyway if they hadn’t been adopted by the state of Flo...

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“Today” by James Offenha

Submitted to Contest #14

I unlock the front door at 3:30 am and walk out because maybe he’s outside: He always was a runaway. I have the bag of treats, the Polaroid, some cash, and I have to find him. His name is Today. We took his name fromm Todo in the Wizard of Oz. I start screaming out, “Today! Where are you? Come here, Today! It’s your master, Michelle.” I sometimes hear jingles from his collar when the tag that says he’s gotten his rabies vaccine and the tag with my name and telephone number jingle against each othe...

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“Bark or Treat” by James Offenha

Submitted to Contest #13

I asked my mommy and daddy if it was okay and they said “yes” as long as I brought poop bags. So, I was dressed up as a butterfly and was happy. I had on green stalkings, green shoes, a gold shirt, and multi-colored wings, which my mommy made for me. Homi didn’t have a costume, but that’s ok. I would just tell people he was a weird looking bee and we were flying onto daffodils. I live in a suburb. I’m not sure what that means, but it’s nice. So, Homi and I go to our first house and I have an empty pillow ca...

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“El Perro’s kryptonite” by James Offenha

Submitted to Contest #12

The alarm went off in my bedroom but not just any alarm, the alarm that had the sound of a soprano Amber Alert. That sound. So, we went into the walk-in closet and quickly changed. I changed into my blue nylon pants, stalking-colored silk socks, white running shoes, and blue polyester shirt. El Perro put on his black Jersey which said, “#1 Fan”. We got in our Silver Dodge Neon and I checked my cell phone. El Perro doesn’t have a cell phone, yet, but I’m working on it.  It turned out someone stole the van at...

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“Fluffy” by James Offenha

Submitted to Contest #11

After tomorrow, Fluffy is going to a place called Summerland so I won’t have to walk her anymore. I never heard of Summerland, but I went to school yesterday and asked my Geography teacher, Mr. Billson, if he ever heard of it and he chuckled to himself and said Summerland wasn’t a place on a map, but a peaceful place old people go to when they get really sick to relax and feel better. Maybe that means it’s in outer space or something, because how could Fluffy be going somewhere that don’t exist on a map. That doesn’t make sens...

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““The” Story” by James Offenha

Submitted to Contest #10

It’s seven pm on a Wednesday, time to relax and write my novel. Writing a novel is an art.  At least it’s my form of art. I generally start out by making a nice fresh cup of Columbian coffee to unwind myself from the stresses of the day and get into the optimal writing mind set. So, I add six cups of water to the back of the coffee machine, gently put in the filter, grind the beans, and, after removing the lid, pour the coffee grinds into the filter. I plug in the coffee maker and hit the ‘on’ button. Even the calmin...

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“DADDY” by James Offenha

Submitted to Contest #9

Daddy By James Offenhartz A red rose. Well, I got the red rose and the beast got me. However, although I am an inventor, when I was young, I used to hunt with my daddy and when I hunted, I always aimed between the eyes of the beasts. Unfortunately, I didn’t bring a gun with me today. But, I could always tell what the animal was going to do by looking into its eyes. If the eyes were angry, it would try to attack me. If it’s eyes were scared, it would try to run. The same thing is true in poker, nine times ...

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“ALF” by James Offenha

Submitted to Contest #9

I’m twenty-one and I’m surrounded by people in their 80’s, 90’s, and 100’s, but at least I have food, if you can call the stuff they serve us food. I do not want to be here, this was not my choice, but I am disabled and my legal guardians felt it would be best. At the meals I am surrounded by people I am not sure of yet. By the way, my legal guardian said this is my last chance. If I don’t make this work out, they’ll quit, I’ll become a warden of the state, and everything I have will be thrown in the trash can. So, I...

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“Nuclear Radiation Agent Purple” by James Offenha

Submitted to Contest #8

This was an accident and I am not an astronaut. I’ve been duped. See, they needed scientists and I am a scientist. They needed physicists to help with the equations on properly getting spacecrafts into space and that’s my job. But during the encounters with the Riw people, nuclear radiation agent purple was released and all of the trained astronauts were killed and they needed astronauts, but not just any astronauts, astronauts familiar with the year of of training in terminating the space junk virus scientifically known ...

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“Normal” by James Offenha

Submitted to Contest #7

Normal By James S. Offenhartz It hurts. Constantly hurts and it’s everywhere. I turn on the TV and see TLC’s show about planning a wedding. I go out to a restaurant to relax and I see the nuclear family. I can never have that, but feel the blood in my body longing for it. I go on Facebook and someone has made a birth announcement. I look at the comments: “Congratulations!” “Mozel Tov!” “We’re so happy. We’re finally going to be grandparents”. Birth announcements, wedding invitations, ...

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“Northern Belle” by James Offenha

Submitted to Contest #6

Skype/FaceTime was a Godsend. Saying a long-distant relationship is challenging is like saying to a NASA engineer the sun is hot. It’s obvious. We have to trust each other to obey the Seventh Commandment (even though we’re not married, we still consider cheating adultery). But today is the day we each start driving toward each other. See, my name is George, and the way I see it, phone sex is the next best thing to sex, but it still isn’t sex. Now, as any good man can tell you a relationship is more than sex, but...

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