Why Am I Awake?

Why am I awake? I am an early bird but every morning my internal alarm clock opens my eyes during the 4 o’clock hour and I just didn’t understand why. My husband has already left for work and I have the entire bed to myself but for some reason, I can’t enjoy this time by sleeping until my actual alarm clocks goes off at 7am. So again, why am I awake this early every morning? Is it the millions of things I have on my mind that consists of bills that need to be paid, my son’s basketball schedule, my business that is definitely in the valley instead of on the mountain top right now, clients who have taken me for granted and played with my time, a friend or who I thought was a friend, who decided to lie on me and my character, or a recent death.  I don’t know which one of these reasons could be the culprit for my early mornings but I will say that it has brought me closer to God. You see I decided about a month ago that I would read the bible in a year and I found an app to assist me with this. Now I would be lying if I told you that I read it every day because I don’t and for the life of me I don’t understand why I exclude the weekends, but I do. I am about 37 days in and I will say that it has been during these 37 days that my life has taken a turn. When I say turn, I mean I have definitely pissed the devil off because he has been coming at me from every angle and at this point I am spinning on one heel….but I have not fallen. Why haven’t I fallen? Well it’s not because I don’t want to because I do. Yep, I want to give up and crawl under a rock until it all disappears but the thing is I don’t think it will and let’s face it, that’s not the adult thing to do. I have to face this thing head on and let the devil know that he’s not in charge nor the boss of me. Let me tell you, he’s no punk! He has hit me with his best shots that include ridiculous thoughts that he has put in my head to try and break me down.  Yep, I’ve heard everything from “you deserve all of this misery”  and “God isn’t going to help you this time” to “this is going to be your life from now on?” That last one stings when you actually don’t know how you are going to fix things. Satan is a master manipulator and his job is to steal, kill, and destroy…but not today Satan! The devil is clever though because I did feel like I was the cause of some of what is going on in my life and I was ready to accept that one with open arms and this is why I thought I was waking up so early. I’m up because I have to figure all of this out. I have to come up with a solution to correct everything that is going wrong in my life. Maybe I’m up to catch my favorite Christmas movie on the Hallmark channel or to clean the bathroom. There could be many reasons why I’m up at the butt crack of dawn every morning but the reality is there is really only one real reason and it’s God. God is who wakes me up every morning in the 4 o’clock hour. He’s not waking me up to worry about my problems, he’s waking me up so I can give my problems to him. God doesn’t want us to worry and be fearful. He wants us to trust him and to cast our cares and burdens onto him. He wants us to trust him and have faith and not just in our time of need but at all times. He wants me to spend time with him before my day starts with my daily routine. He wants to be a part of my routine but he wants my routine to begin with him in the morning. God is telling me that he wants a closer relationship with me.  Forget about everything else that is going on in my life because nothing is too hard for God. God is bigger than my problems and he can fix it immediately if and when he wants to. He wants my focus to be on him and him only. Now I struggle with this because I am a fixer by nature. If there is a problem I’m going to find a solution. The problem is going to stay on my mind until I have an answer for it. If this means I’m tossing and turning all night and up early then that’s what it is. What am I doing to myself? This can’t be good for my health. Is this why I have high blood pressure? Is this why my cholesterol is high? Is this why I’m prediabetic? Well guess what? It wasn’t good for my health. I was not supposed to be up worrying about my problems. If I’m up this early, it’s because God wants to tell me something and I can’t hear him if I’m sleep.  Am I an early bird?  Yes, and that’s why God wants that time with me in the morning. That’s when I’m most alert, fresh, and ready to tackle the day. He knows he will have my undivided attention at that time. Now the devil never sleeps and when he knows I’m about to pray and listen, guess what? Here comes the yawns and I have to go to the bathroom and now I’m hot or cold. Yea the devil is a trip and will do whatever he has to do to distract me but he will never win. I’m not perfect by any means and I get weak at times and let him get in my head but eventually I get my footing and stop spinning on that one heel and I put that other foot down, fall on my knees and listen to what my Father in heaven has to say to me.