Human Communication: Preliminary Report

Expedition 6683

“Earth”

Time Code: 4457.76.09

Crew Member: Communications Officer II Vega

Log Type: Officer’s Report

Human Communication Guidelines

- Maintain eye contact

- Nod

- Blink

- Breathe

- Stand close

- Ask questions

- Gesticulate

- Make sounds of agreement

<Log Deleted>

— — —

Time Code: 4456.76.11

Crew: Communications Officer II, Vega

Log Type: Personal

As is likely evident from my personnel file, I have a passion for accuracy. Communication is a field where precision is critical, never more so than in a First Contact scenario. We are all aware of the risks of interplanetary misunderstandings with nuclear-capable civilizations. I am privileged to have been selected for this mission, and I have every intention of carrying out my duties with the exhaustive attention to detail and exacting standards of correctness the task demands. With that being said, I must confess a certain - frustration with the progress of this assignment. I have been on this planet, “Earth”, for nearly a hundred revolutions, and our preliminary report is due to be sent to the mission directors shortly. All the other junior officers are finalizing their assessments on the human life cycle, political structures, flora and fauna, climate, atmosphere, and other critical planetary intelligence. They have collected a remarkable amount of high quality quantifiable data. Meanwhile, I stare at an empty comms screen having just deleted what feels like my millionth attempt to perform my simple assignment to compile a set of human conversational conventions in my assigned sector of the planet.

Communication is meant to be straightforward. One individual expresses a thought, a desire, a suggestion, etc, and the other individual responds with agreement, disagreement, or elaboration of some kind. This exchange continues until the matter at hand is resolved, whereupon the participants cease communication and engage in some other activity. That is the entirety of the exercise. The method can vary - written, manually signaled, verbal, telepathic, and haptic forms of communication have been identified on Alliance worlds across the galaxy. I have studied the communications reports from dozens of pre-First Contact evaluations in preparation for my own first advance mission. I know exactly what I need to deliver to the First Contact team for them to have a successful opening interaction with humanity. But the humans are making my job difficult, in the extreme.

To watch them interact, you would assume that there is some kind of group telepathy occurring at all times. I have checked twice with the biology officer who has assured me that this is not the case. Yet, they appear to say both more and less than they mean at any given time with few exceptions. Despite this inconsistency, humans are by and large able to understand each other and accomplish complex tasks. Their behavior defies logical description. I am going to extract myself from my human form and stretch out. I am hopeful that the increased physical comfort will bolster my intellectual strength and allow me to complete a report that is as helpful to the mission directors as it is accurate.

<End Log>

— — —

Time Code: 4456.76.11

Crew Member: Communications Officer II Vega

Log Type: Officer’s Report

Human Communication Guidelines

- Maintain eye contact, but not for too long

- Nod, but only occasionally. Sometimes rapid side to side rotation of the head is more appropriate.

- Blink, but not too much, too little, or too regularly

- Breathe at a regular cadence

- Stand close, but not too close. Some relationships tolerate more closeness than others.

- Ask questions, but wait until the speaker has stopped speaking first. Keep the question relevant to the topic at hand, regardless of whether or not that topic generates any interest or curiosity.

- Gesticulate using only the upper appendages, and not too aggressively (do not gesticulate with lower appendages under any circumstances)

- Make sounds of agreement, but also sometimes disagreement, depending on -

<Log Deleted>

— — —

Time Code: 4456.77.05

Crew Member: Communications Officer II Vega

Log Type: Personal

This is becoming untenable. I did everything I was supposed to do. I studied everything I could get my hands on from Earth before arrival. I reviewed all intercepted communications, images taken from orbit, and the limited intelligence returned by the advance scouting missions. I thought I knew what I was getting into, but I believe I know less about human communication than I did when I arrived.

One problem is what the humans call “subtext.” When I initially heard the word, my implant wasn’t able to translate it. I had to manually run it through several Alliance languages before I was able to come up with a working definition. Humans may not have telepathic abilities, but subtext appears to be a form of intuitive mind reading, carried out by all humans during every second of every interaction. It is remarkable that their frail bodies have the energy for it. Subtext is what allows humans to communicate effectively without actually using the words that they mean.

If a service worker in a nutrition depot asks how a human’s day is progressing, they are not supposed to answer them honestly. They are supposed to provide as brief an answer as possible regardless of accuracy and reciprocate the inquiry despite their lack of interest in their reply. The service worker will then offer an equally insincere response before commencing the interaction that both parties are actually interested in - the exchange of currency for nutrition. This remarkably inefficient arrangement is not only accepted by humans, it is preferred. Any human that attempts to conduct the interaction in a straightforward way, bypassing the “pleasantries” and proceeding directly to the transaction, is assessed to be a sub-optimal conversational partner by surrounding humans.

Or consider an even more basic human function - breathing. If you don’t breathe at all when conversing, your conversation partner will become concerned. They will also express concern if you breathe too rapidly. If you take an especially deep breath, that is called a “sigh”, and your conversation partner may take offence. Yet the humans seem to breathe appropriately most of the time, while also maintaining eye contact, thinking of the next thing to say, and listening to what the other person (or sometimes people) are saying! It defies explanation.

This is all to say nothing of the variation in expectations depending on relationships. Things like - if the conversation partners have known each other for a long or short time, if the nature of their relationship was related to industry or leisure, if there was a possibility of sexual contact. The same person would conduct conversation completely differently based on these and innumerable other variables, some of which are quantifiable, others of which are elusive.

If we are to initiate First Contact successfully, we must adhere to the humans’ conversational expectations. I am becoming slightly more adept at understanding them and predicting the appropriate next conversational step through mimicry refined by repeated exposure, but attempting to articulate the rules is proving to be beyond my capabilities. One day, if Earth joins the Alliance, experienced scholars will write encyclopedias on the intricacies of human communication. They will go into great and specific detail on the variation in practices between sectors, and the nuances appropriate for any number of relationship types. Someone will write a treatise on the implications of the movement of something called an “eyebrow.” For now, all that is required is a simple list of the base requirements, and I am failing in my task to produce one.

If I am to be of any use to my team, I must make the ineffable quantifiable. We cannot hope to absorb or understand the myriad expectations of the humans well enough to integrate seamlessly. Not even all humans are capable of doing that, so what hope do we have? The best we can do is mimic it convincingly enough that the humans will not react in a hostile manner. We don’t have to be perfect, we just have to be good enough.

<End Log>

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Time Code: 4456.77.23

Crew Member: Communications Officer II Vega

Log Type: Officer’s Report

Human Communication Guidelines

- Generate random numbers between 5 and 50. Hold eye contact for that number of seconds before briefly directing eyeline elsewhere. Repeat until conversation concludes.

- Nod every 60 to 90 seconds for no more than 6 seconds, only if the conversational topic is one in which agreement is expected.

- Blink at a consistent cadence roughly consistent with the blink rate of the conversation counterpart (CC).

- Analyze the oxygen needs of your inhabited human form at rest and breath sufficiently to address these needs.

- Stand close enough to clearly hear your CC over ambient noise with human ears.

- When the CC stops speaking for more than 4 seconds, ask a question germane to the topic under discussion

- Gesticulate with upper appendages with range of motion less than or equal to 0.34 meters. These gesticulations should be non-repetitive but predictable.

- Refrain from interjecting with words, but sounds generated with lips closed can often be used to indicate attention and concurrence.

- When unsure of the appropriate facial expression, mirror that of the CC.

<End Log>

<Log Submitted for Review>

— — —

Time Code: 4456.77.30

Crew Member: Communications Officer II Vega

Log Type: Personal

It’s going to have to do. These people are indecipherable.

<End Log>