The Wind in the Willows (My true friend, Lily)

It's so quiet here, isn't it? I can't even remember the last time I was here. The willow trees have grown so much since I was a little girl. I used to visit my grandmother in her little house here in the middle of nowhere. I get chills now; it feels like I'm finally home. I've spent so many years wondering what I wanted to do with my life, where I should be. Society puts a lot of pressure on us, you know? But here, where I'm alone in the willow forest, I can finally find my peace. No pressure, no gossip, no people always telling me what to do. Here, it's just me and nature.

I remember how happy I was when I was a little girl. I used to spend time here with my grandma. We'd walk around and enjoy the morning sun, sit on a log and just breathe in the fresh air. No rush, just living in the moment. She taught me how to find mushrooms and which ones are safe to eat. Oh man, I can still remember the smell. We'd pick them up and make a delicious soup. We talked a lot too. She was an amazing storyteller. I was always so eager to hear more about her past. We talked a lot about my grandpa. He passed away during the war. My grandma was devastated. He was her true love. They met when they were kids. So, he proposed to her after a few years, and she said yes. They got married, but then the war started, and they were separated. He was sent to another city, and she stayed here. She became a nurse and helped the wounded soldiers. Every day, she thought about her lovely husband and how they didn't get to spend enough time together. At night, she would whisper prayers, asking for mercy for him. While working as a nurse, she realized she wanted to have a baby. So, she was sent here to this house to stay away from the battles and prying eyes. She was all alone, and it was a very difficult time for her. She was stuck here without any help, wondering if the battles would move closer to her location. But it was relatively peaceful.

A little girl was born here a few months later. Her friend Hearty helped her give birth, but then she quickly left the house and left her all alone. Lily was all by herself again. She was really happy to see someone else and talk to Hearty. But she couldn't stay with her for long because a lot of soldiers kept coming to their medical post. Hearty told Lily that things weren't looking good and that the enemies might reach their city soon. They heard that the enemies were moving right towards them. Lily started to panic because she was with a baby. It's not easy to get away when you have a baby in your arms. After Hearty left, Lily sat on the chair on her porch and fed the baby. She put the thin blanket on her and sang a lullaby. The wind was gentle and tickled her skin, Lily's curly hair swayed. She was watching the sunset. It was peaceful all around. She was praying again, but this time not only for our grandad to return safely but also for her daughter. It's funny that she had never prayed for herself. Lily always cared about everyone around her more than herself. I think that's why grandad loved her so much. She was willing to help even if it would hurt her. She was ready to sacrifice herself.

I still remember her soft fine lines and her deep brown eyes, fluffy curly red hair and her soft and gentle hands. I feel that I didn't get enough time to spend with her. I have so many questions now but I can't ask them. But here in the meadow of willow trees I feel that I am home. My mom passed away three days ago, we just buried her. I saw many familiar faces during the procession. They wanted to talk to me, ask questions, give their condolences but I wasn't ready. It was too much and I left. I left because I didn't want to stay and talk to everybody. I chose my life where I was visiting my parents once a year. But last time when I visited them for the very last time was almost 7 years ago. My husband was a diplomat and we traveled a lot. It sounds like a dream. Living in different countries, meeting new people, and all that freedom. But let me tell you, it's not all sunshine and rainbows. The truth is, you end up feeling like a lone wolf. You're stuck wherever your husband is, and you have to follow all these rules and always put on a happy face. It's tough. I always dreamed of having kids and bringing them to my grandma's house. So, we were moving to a new country, and then to another. I asked some doctors and they told me to follow a protocol. But I couldn't do it because of all the moving. I tried talking to my husband. I really love him, but you know, this situation was killing me. I wanted kids and he didn't seem to care at all. He was just focused on his job.

So, let me finish telling you about my grandma first. When I met my first love, I thought it was love. My grandma stopped me from leaving home with him. She told me that the guy I was crazy about was a selfish jerk who only cared about himself. Yes, he smiled a lot, was nice, and gave me gifts, but he didn't care about us as a couple. He was only thinking about how he looked when he was giving me attention. I was mad at her, but I always trust her gut feeling. And when we had our first argument, my first love left me behind. Lily picked me up as I was crying and yelling that I hated everybody. We sat and watched the sunset, drinking the warm chamomile tea and looking at how the color of the sky changed from yellow to deep pink and then orange. She put her soft hand on my knee, and I could feel the warmth. Lily helped me get over it. I promised her I wouldn't cry over people anymore. They can't make me sad. They don't have this right. I choose whether I want to be sad or not. Every situation has its own solution. I promised her and next time I was crying when she died.

Hey, I went back to my hometown for a few days and didn't get to talk to my mom. I could tell she was hurting, but I just couldn't bring myself to talk to her. It would've been too much for me. Lily meant the world to me, and now she's gone. It's like a part of me is missing. My mom just looked at me and gave me a hug. We both knew how hard it was for each other, but we didn't say anything. We just let our feelings sit there inside of us.

I was working as a nurse at the time. It's kinda funny that I ended up following the same path as Lily. I was a travel nurse, and then a few months later, I met my husband. He was good-looking and kind. He really listened to me and was always gentle. He proposed, but I said no because he was a diplomat, and that meant I would have to quit my job. I couldn't do that to Lily. But he kept coming back to me, saying he'd wait as long as I needed to think about his proposal. And eventually, I gave in.

We started traveling like crazy and I forgot my way here. I left my life behind. It seemed I was in a dream, but a very bad dream. I tried to discuss it with my husband, but he got a promotion and said that it's more important now, so I can wait. Oh, Lily, I wanted you to be with me.

It's so quiet here. I love the sound of birds chirping and the feeling of the sun on my skin. I can feel the breeze in my hair and on my skin. I love the feeling of the wet grass. It's so refreshing. The willows are whispering, like they're talking to me. Maybe it's Lily? I came here because I need you. I left my whole life behind again, and I need a fresh start. I remember that my grandma told me when I was down that she would be with me even after her passing away. She is here in my heart. I didn't believe her because later when she actually passed away and I asked her to help me cope with my emotions, she didn't respond. I tried to speak with her many times, but I didn't hear her.

Here in our small old house I can feel her. I guess that means I'm doing everything right. Lily wasn't just my grandma, she was my real friend who was always there for me, even when we were far apart.

I had a serious talk with my husband for the last time and asked him to do me a favor and help me with IVF. But he said no. I didn't bring it up again. The truth is, I wanted to have children more than I wanted to stay with someone who didn't want to be with me. So I made a decision, and the doctor gave me the go-ahead. She put me in the anonymous program, and...

- Mommy, this house is so old, but I love it, - a little girl with deep brown eyes and wavy red hair ran at the meadow of whispering willows where I was sitting on the old log and staring at the sun going down.

- Yes, I know. It's weird. I haven't been here for a long time. But it's our house.

- For real?

- For real.

My story begins here in this house in the middle of nowhere with my beloved daughter. I am not alone. I have a family, a family that loves me. Lily, thank you for being here for me.

- Let's go inside. I will pour some chamomile tea for you, darling.

- And a cake. You promised a cake, remember? I like lemon lavender. It tastes awful, but I can't stop eating it.

- That's funny.