See The Light Again

See The Light Again

For a long time, God knows how long, I have been physically staying in the dark. Worse, there was great darkness inside of me. At that time, I didn’t know when I was going to see the light again nor experience it inside of me. To call my situation hopeless, would be an understatement. I was dead but waiting for the day that my spirit would leave my body. I could feel the pain in my body, my mind, my heart and even my spirit. To continue breathing was a miracle I could not explain even up to this day.

As I narrate my story now, tears are flowing down my cheeks and I can not stop them. I was only sixteen years old when this dark part of my history occurred. I was coming from school, feeling very tired on this particular day and thought that I couldn’t walk home. So I decided to get a lift that would drop me closer to our house. I wasn’t in the mood even of talking to friends, it was a bad day for me.

As I waited by the road side, a commuter omnibus came and stopped right before me. The door opened and the conductor stepped out. I looked inside, for the bus had tinted windows. In the front seat, near the driver, was seated a young couple who were taking and laughing. Right in front of me, two ladies were seated there and were talking as well. Behind them were two male figures and some others at the back. I did not expect anything at all. I got in and sat close to the two ladies, the conductor got in and closed the door. I innocently handed him the money I had in my hand and told him where I was going. Before he could say anything, the woman next to me taped me on the shoulder and spoke. She was smiling ;

`Hello sweetheart, if you cooperate, we will not hurt you. But if you try anything silly, you will die for nuts.. ‘

The guy I thought to be a conductor of the bus took out a knife and started playing with it. I got the message he was trying to convey. I was horrified as I looked at him and down to the knife. The woman next to me turned my head with her right hand and spoke again softly.

‘Look at me, he is not going to hurt you if you cooperate. Give me your hands!’

I complied and she tied my hands together. She took out a rag and folded it nicely, then she blindfolded me. That is the time I said goodbye to the physical light. With the same token, the light of hope, joy and love began to disappear from within me. I then started asking myself a lot of questions which I couldn’t answer. I blamed myself for getting into the omnibus, and blamed my parents for being poor. Some of my mates were being picked by their parents in big cars. I wasn’t thinking straight by then. The lady next to me pushed a rag into my mouth and tied it at the back of my head. My heart was racing and I began to sweat. I was in the dark internally and externally. I was in a situation I couldn’t help myself or even call for help. Only God was in a position to help me.

The omnibus stopped and I heard the gate being pushed open. We drove in and stopped again. The guy next to me opened the door and they pushed me out of the omnibus. They led me into a house and into a room in which they threw me on a bad. I couldn’t see anything, I just knew that I was in the dark outside and inside. I heard them close the door and looked it. My greatest fears were that of beings abused or killed. To me, it was better to be killed than to be abused.

I waited in that room what seemed to be like eternity. I blamed God for my predicament. I had hopes of getting married one day and have a family, get a job for myself and buy a car. That hope had gone away then. I couldn’t fathom how my parents were feeling then, for I knew how deeply they loved me. I got very hungry and was no longer worried about my fears, for fear had become part of me. I had to come back to the reality when I heard the door being unlocked.

‘I know you are hungry now. Work up and eat!’ A male deep commanding voice said to me, then I sat up in the bed. He untie my mouth and began to feed me with a spoon.. I discovered that it was rice with soup. I ate a number of spoon full and then requested for water. He gave me water, and then shoved another spoon of rice into my mouth. I then spoke as I swallow the rice.

‘Why are you holding me here? What do you want from me?’ I wished if I could see his eyes.

‘That means you are full! You now want to talk.’ His voice was harsh. Without notice, he put the rag back into my mouth and left. I head the door being locked. The torture of keeping someone in the dark is greater than I thought. But can never be compared to the killing of one’s dreams and leave them in internal darkness. I experienced both.

After a very long time, God knows how long it was, the door was opened again. I thought food was coming again. I remained laying in bed.

‘You are too beautiful sweetheart, I was waiting for an opportunity to come to you. I couldn’t resist you sweetheart. I wanted to have sex with you from the time I saw you.’ He began to pull up my uniform dress. I kicked and fought him with all my power.

‘Do you want to die?’ He said, and at that instant, I felt a sharp object pressed on my neck. I knew that it was a knife. I relaxed and let him be. He pulled down my pants as he touched me all over. I was still a virgin and was keeping myself pure for my future husband, so I thought. He raped me once, it was very painful and that pushed me into deeper darkness. But how can this happen to me. There are a lot of girls out there who are promiscuous, why me? I had kept myself undefiled that far. But why? I began to sob and felt as if a knife was driven through my heart. He finished and began to wipe me with something I thought to be tissue paper. I couldn’t move a limp. I stayed in that position for… God knows how long.

It seemed I had drifted in a dark dreamless sleep. I couldn’t tell for how long. I woke up to the sound of the door opening. I didn’t care anymore about what was happening. I couldn’t even feel my body. I was lost in the darkness physically and internally.

‘Food girl…’ A different voice said.

‘Someone was having sex with you?  You are so beautiful. I can not resist what I am seeing here. Forgive me.’ Tears were still flowing from my eyes. I head him climbing onto the bed. He raped me once. I didn’t move, only my tears were speaking volumes but there was no one to interpret. He finished, and he untie my mouth to give me food. I requested a toilet, he told me the room had an in-suit. My legs had no power, he was kind enough to help me. I felt semen flowing down my legs. As I sat on the toilet seat, he began to wipe my legs with tissue paper. I felt as a useless and hopeless piece of rubbish lost in the deep darkness at the end of the earth. He took me to the bed, I couldn’t eat and even say anything. He left me on the bed and was gone.

The following…, I can not say days for I didn’t know the difference between day and night, morning or evening, different men were coming in to have sex with me. No body cared if I had eaten or not. I was in total darkness all round. I began to ask God to allow me to die than to continue suffering this way. At a point I heard something like gunshots but I was too weak to concentrate on that. Someone broke the door, and stepped into my room, then total darkness enveloped me.

Later when I woke up, I was in a hospital, a number of people around me. I was on drip, doctors and nurses were busy around me. I could see the radiant light of the sun through the window after so long. As I show the signs of stability the doctors and nurses left and only one lady stayed,. She was short and very light in complexion. She began to tell me her story of being abused as a kid. She told me that she thought her life was coming to an end but now here she was helping others to see the light again.