23 comments

Fiction Drama Creative Nonfiction

This story contains themes or mentions of sexual violence.



a lightning bolt of awareness ruthlessly slices into the roaring darkness giving a glimpse of a whoosh and sigh and a measured rise and fall --- ---


--- dark silence returns ---


a startling jangle of beeps and clicks cuts through the blind silence. --- ---


--- silent blackness takes over---


like a fetus in the womb, learning to tell light from dark. awareness in darkness feels as if buried alive. grateful for the light. --- --+


--- nothingness ---


where is here? ---


 --- silence is nothing---


where is here? ---


---darkness returns---


what happened? ---- think! ---


--- the blinding darkness pulls me under again ---


snatches of awareness; learning the differences between the ones who come and go. the one wearing a heavy cologne that fails to cover their recent cigarette. the one snapping their bubble gum. they don’t spend much time here, though their scent lingers. --- ---


--- sinking into oblivion ---


--- driving --- don’t know where --- upset, scared? --- day into night --- headlights --- ---


---dark grey silence ---


the bubble gum has come and gone. is it morning? will you come today? you who smells of soap and mint. whose touch is gentle. whose voice is clear as you tell me what you’re going to do. the one who brings music.


I’m grateful for you. ---


--- darkness takes over ---


you brought Charlie Parker.


“Good morning. Jane, Kevin here ---


--- trying to fight the roaring silence ---


he chats through the sponge bath to cover what could be awkward --- how many sponge baths? --- do I smell the soap on the cloth? --- do I imagine his touch? --- do I feel the warm strokes of the washcloth? ---


--- leaden silence --- 


“--- flowers for Valentine’s, right? ---"


--- whispered night ---


“--- trim your toenails ---"


--- pewter darkness ---


“--- on your left side for a little while --- be back in a minute ---.”


a minute is a long time when you’re locked in.


--- dinner at Mary and Bob’s, surrogate parents ... Mary talking … talking about find a date for me … no thank you … nonsense! Bob will find someone, Bob is the pastor, knows everyone. … I’m not a heifer needing a bull! ---


--- sinking into darkness ---


the snap – snap of the nail clippers. ---


“--- you feel my touch? --- you like Charlie Parker --- so smooth --- find more music --- PT --- stretch muscles --- see you at lunch ---"


--- silent blindness beckons me ---


the left foot - or is it the right one - one of them has a cramp. PT will find it.


--- grey deafness ---


--- where is here? ---


cardiac monitor and white noise. --- ---


 ---Bob. he never said much, he watched me --- a knock on the door --- 


I remember ... no! don’t remember. don’t think, let it go. ----

but my mind has nothing else to do but tug at the frayed edges of my memory.


---I opened the door. early evening. Bob was at my door. why? what did he want? Yes, of course he was welcome to come in.


we sat on the couch. “I’m concerned about you.” he looked so serious.


“oh. why?”


“you are lonely. let me take care of that.”


“hah! no, don’t you worry …” then …


I remember. I don’t want to, but … beep,beep,beep …


--- Bob lurched at me … tore at my clothes … fought him … tried to kick … pushed against him, but he had leverage … bit him… he slapped me … I screamed … he fled through the patio slider when my neighbor pounded on the front door ---


… beepbeepbeepbeep …


“Jane!” Kevin shouts. “Oh, dear, a seizure! Some phenobarb. ---"


---can't fight the silent darkness ---


---I missed lunch, maybe dinner as well. How long was I gone this time? Food goes straight into my stomach. He tells me my tastebuds have missed nothing. He jokes that I’m getting, steak Dianne, or cherries jubilee, moo goo gai pan. ---


--- gloom and silence ---


---I didn’t go to work the next day. How could I show my face with those bruises? What would I tell Mary? Can’t let her find out what happened --- I drove. I drove all day and all … Headlight ---


--- I am pulled down into the murk again, the whoosh and sigh, the beep-beep are in sync. ---


The one with the heavy cologne has done their rounds for the night. Slowly the headache their cologne leaves behind is lifting. The light in the room is changing. It’s morning.


Will he come today?


Where am I? How long have I been here? Why has nobody missed me? Don’t cry. It’s a little late to cry now.


“Good morning, Jane. It’s Kevin.” He is here, all is good.


“I found another track for you.” Brubeck’s Take Five. Kevin prattles on about the flowers he brought. “I wanted to bring you roses, but thought they would be too, you know.” He laughs softly. “ So, I brought you carnations. I’m not sure why some people say they are common, do you? They are so complex. Hah, listen to me. As if I know …”


Suddenly the music switches to hip-hop, some grating monotone half shout, half rhythm, the words unintelligible except for curses and slurs. The beat driving, pounding and intrusive. My heart speeds up, I fight the respirator, try to hold my breath, try to escape the sudden cacophony.


The most god-awful sound has triggered the most brain activity in …


“Sh, sh, Jane?” Kevin whispers. The music has stopped. I smell his soapy scent near my face, feel his fingers on my cheek.


“Jane, move your eyes. Move your eyes anyway you can.”


Move my eye? How do I do that? I try to look to where I think he is.


“Oh, bless you, Jane! Now, try to blink, please. Try.”


Blink? How? My lids are taped shut, but I’ll try. For Kevin, I try.


The door slams open. “What? What’s wrong?” Doctor Somebody. I recognize the voice, though he has never spoken to me.


“Nothing is wrong, but watch. Jane, look my way again.” His voice is closer to my left ear. I move my eyes that way, feel my head shift.


“I’ll be darned. Yes, go ahead.”


“Turn off the lights and close the blinds, will you?” The light beyond my eyelids dims.


“Jane, honey. I’m going to take the tape off your eyelids.


Soon, I hope I can tell him that my name is Petra.


October 18, 2024 16:07

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23 comments

Howard Halsall
01:53 Oct 27, 2024

Hey Trudy, This is a powerful piece of writing - full of fragmented shards and jagged edges, which brought to mind a memory from my teenage years of re-assembling a shattered mosaic vase after a night that dissolved into chaos - it all came together in the end and was worthwhile being patient as the parts clicked into place…. Well done HH :)

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Trudy Jas
02:08 Oct 27, 2024

Thank you, thank you. It is one of those pieces that came together in an hour or so but felt real. I just don't know why it hasn't been released yet. Fingers crossed. Thanks for reading (you may go to bed now. LOL) Bet that vase never looked the same again, eh?

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Howard Halsall
02:20 Oct 27, 2024

Yes, fingers crossed for good luck and well deserved recognition. And, too true. Broken vases always have invisible fracture lines and never lose the tell-tale signs of a trauma…,

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Trudy Jas
02:32 Oct 27, 2024

Neither do people. Sweet dreams. :-)

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Howard Halsall
02:38 Oct 27, 2024

Tell me about it….

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Trudy Jas
02:42 Oct 27, 2024

😟😥🤫😙

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Martha Kowalski
03:59 Oct 22, 2024

I've seen it in your other works but your ability to write in this choppy, unfinished style/stream of thought is remarkable

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Trudy Jas
04:01 Oct 22, 2024

:-) Thanks Martha. I really appreciate your feedback. I hope the story made sense.

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Spruce Popsicle
19:17 Oct 21, 2024

This story was just amazing. I had to reread almost every line to get the references and meanings (I loved all the jazz). I found myself waiting for the reveal and speculating as I read. I wish I knew more about Petra, but that’s the point, isn’t it…

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Trudy Jas
19:26 Oct 21, 2024

Thank you so much, Spruce. I fear I may have been a bit too obscure with this one. The premise is that Petra had an accident and was admitted under the name "Jane Doe". . Once the ventilator is removed, she will be able to say aloud what she has been remembering. I'm thrilled that you thought enough of it to read it twice. :-)

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Spruce Popsicle
04:02 Oct 23, 2024

I don’t think you were too obscure at all! The clues to the truth were subtle, but by the end it all came together well.

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Trudy Jas
04:27 Oct 23, 2024

Thanks Spruce. Makes me feel better.

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Alexis Araneta
17:22 Oct 19, 2024

First of all, the jazz references made me giddy. Funnily enough, I was just listening to (and prattling on about in my writing group) Take Five. Hahahaha ! But yes, what a chilling tale. Had me at the edge of my seat. Lovely stuff !

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Trudy Jas
17:30 Oct 19, 2024

Thanks, Alexis. So happy I brought you to the edge of your seat. (Better play Take Five one more time to relax) LOL And thanks you for your lovley feedback.

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Jack Kimball
15:14 Oct 19, 2024

Love the Charlie Parker references. A great read to figure it out, had to read it twice. I think you ARE psychic!

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Trudy Jas
15:32 Oct 19, 2024

Thanks, Jack. Can't go wrong with the Bird. And I'm impressed that you read it twice. :-) Do I need to make it clearer?

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Mary Bendickson
17:08 Oct 18, 2024

When I saw there was one entry in new contest, I knew it would be yours! Well done, of course! Still trying to finish one for today's. Not entering contest though.

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Trudy Jas
18:13 Oct 18, 2024

Thanks, Mary. I'm beginning to think I'm psychic. This is the third one in a row I've written the week before. Spooky! :-)

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Mary Bendickson
18:43 Oct 18, 2024

Spooky is fitting for the season.😂

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