Our First and last kiss

As Dicki lay in his bed I'm still acutely aware of his strength. My darling who was once full of life is becoming tired. His laughter is still as magnetic as the day I met him it encouraged you to join in. Through our tears he gets us to laugh. I remember the first time I met him I noticed his crisp blue eyes and the way he smiled. It wasn't a perfect smile rather a crooked grin that looked mischievous and fun. There are so many memories and as we gather around, they all come flooding back. I can't help but see that boyish grin return to his face as if maybe this wasn't our end. Our kids Joan, Tommy, Kerry and Suzan gather around. I see their faces worn with sorrow, regret, helplessness and tears streaming and drying up. It has been a week filled with emotion. It's funny how when you're in the middle of these moments your only coping mechanism is to go numb. It's the only way to endure the heartbreak that is at our front door to maintain functionality until it's all over. Its suffocating the numbing heartache that fills this room, yet it's an honor. I'm losing a husband, and our kids are losing their dad and our grandchildren their Papa. I am so thankful they are grown and have had us this long but that doesn't remove the sting.

Dicki and I first met at the park the summer of 1981. Warm weather had a way of bringing everyone out. I was with my best friend Marlene. We spent our time between roller blading and laying out. Dicki, he was the guy that bounced around between the basketball court and volleyball. Eventually landing behind the grill. We first locked eyes as I was rolling past the basketball court, I smiled at him. It was a moment that was unrecognizable to the outside world, but it would be the beginning of our story. Me and my girlfriend spent the day hitting the trails and laying out on blankets sunbathing while clusters of all ages scattered around. 

As I was rollerblading a rock got locked into my wheel and I took a tumble, Tommy was close by a friend from High School. He came over to help me. I had a scraped my knee up pretty good. "You know Tara, there's easier ways to get my attention." Tommy joked. " Oh, shut it Tommy" I jabbed back. Tommy was a smooth guy with a big heart. Everyone knew him and everyone loved him. He grabbed a water bottle and dumped it over the scrape getting out the dirt and rocks and grabbed some paper towel and began patting it gently over my knee. He tossed me a wine cooler and said, "doctor's orders, it's for the pain". Before long we were in an in-depth conversation about life and where it's taken us since school let out. Marlene was close by talking to one of Tommy's friends. 

Around 7pm everyone began coming together huddled around the bonfires and grilling up the last of the hotdogs and hamburgers. I was starving so I walked over to the grill closest by and as I approached, I saw the guy with the blue eyes. I gently smiled and as if he was expecting me, we locked into eye contact "Let me guess," He said "Hamburger?" I smiled and said, "Yes and no one of each, please". A slow grin formed on his face amused by my answer. He put one of each on the plat and leaned over and said, "save me a seat later, ok?" As cooly as I could I gave him a wink turned around and exhaled, my heart was racing I hoped he hadn't noticed. Me and Marlene went back to our blanket and began eating our food. 

As dusk settled into night we sat around the bonfire. Marlene, and I bantered back and forth about the hassles of work as we sipped on our wine coolers. As I stared at the fire and watched it dance and spark, I saw across the fire the guy from the grill. He looked so relaxed laughing with his friends engaged in the moment. And as if fate knew what she was doing she turned his head in my direction, and we locked eyes. There it was that grin that would take hold of my common sense. He looked away and continued on. After about 10 minutes he came over with 2 wine coolers and handed them over to Marlene and me. "Hey, I'm Dicki" "I'm Marlene and She's Tara, where you from?" "Grove Pointe, about an hour north. "Me and Tara are from the bay" Marlene said. Dicki looked over at me and asked how the Hamburger/Hotdog combo was and I playfully said "not bad, but I got you beat" with a big grin on my face. We all laughed and playfully he said, "alright next time you're manning the grill".

Marlene looked over at me and in the way girls communicate with a single look she said "Dicki sit down and Keep Tara company, I'll be back. Dicki sat down on the blanket we began to talk. After the formality of who we each were he asked me if I could be anything in the world realistic but not defined by life's set of rules what would I be. I thought for a moment and said "an artist I want to create. I don't know exactly what yet. But it will come to me, and you?" With confidence, as if it were set in stone "Im gonna be the owner of my own construction company, I like working with my hands and creating something out of nothing". The question was unique, it gave me a sense that there was more to this guy. The woman in my moms day and age could only hope for marriage and kids in that order. Today doors were beginning to open, the world was changing. As we spoke I noticed how comfortable I felt around him. he was easy to talk to yet challenging. He looked over at me for a moment and seemed to hesitate but then he took a leap off the cliff and said "Tara your a beautiful woman, inside and out. the more you speak the more intrigued I become." And as if two electric fields were pulled together we locked into a passionate single kiss. In it, it promised a lifetime of love.

Those moments felt like only yesterday and today packed with the roller coaster of life and love Dicki lay in this bed surrounded by our family. Maybe like God on the 7th day he saw all that he built and said it is good. Only Dicki could face death with a smile. It breaks my heart and gives me Peace at the same time. Each of our children have spent time with him alone granting love and peace as a parting gift. As I am the last one approaching he shoots that playful grin my way and I walk up beside him and sit down. As we embrace and lock eyes he says "Hey baby, Let me guess hamburger?" He always knew how to get me to smile. I whispered "Yes my love, and a hotdog too - I love you baby - I'm scared". Without hesitation Dicki looks into my eyes and said "I will never leave you baby" and that magnetic force began to pull us together again. As we locked lips for the last time the taste of him absorbed into every cell sending electricity that would carry me through. From our first to our last the promise endured.