The Lesson

 Endion School sits on a hill in Duluth, Minnesota at 46°48′19″N 92°4′37″W, for those who rely on precision.

Minnesotans love precision. The Scandi-Germano-Caucasian DNA demands a sense of order even if that order is liberally sprinkled with alcohol, fish, and shattered Super Bowl dreams.

Endion School, from the outside, fits any number of imagined purposes: prison, asylum, rectory. The brown stone façade seems to counter the large windows. One refuses light, while the other gathers it by the handful to fill the structure, keeping it from vanishing into some dark realm. The fact it is a school makes one wonder what the architect had in mind, what their charge was.

The wooden floors squeak and moan from years of children walking to and from class. The smell of chalk dust will always linger, never mind the layers of paint applied and removed and applied over the years. The building has endured Godless winters and lynching summers. It stands as a monument to Minnesota survival. No colorful walls. No posters of silly, fluffy creatures turning education into a cartoon.

Nothing to distract from its mission: Learning.

In Room 14, midway down the first-floor hallway, on the East side of the building to catch the morning Sun, sits Miss Helgeson’s 3^rd grade class. Social Studies. 2^nd period. Nobody likes Social Studies. Nobody except Miss Helgeson’s 3^rd grade 2^nd period class.

23 students, each sitting upright in their chairs.

Each pair of eyes on Miss Helgeson.

Miss Helgeson smiles. Not a warm smile.

The smile of someone waiting to tell another person something they need to know, something that only the teller knows and believes it their duty to share.

“Children, here at Endion School, we feel it's important you receive a balanced perspective about social issues that you might encounter as you grow up in a free, democratic, and powerful country.”, says Miss Helgeson.

Melissa Hartley raises her hand. Melissa is the slowest student, so Miss Helgeson understands her eagerness to ask questions, to not be left behind.

“Yes, Melissa? How can I help you?”

“Miss Helgeson, what is pert...perstive...pecter...?

Miss Helgeson walks towards Melissa.

“Perspective, Melissa?” she says.

The class chuckles.

A look from the teacher stops it cold.

“Melissa, perspective is what you think about something and how it makes you feel. For example, we've been talking about the environment in our Science Module. We've been reading the newspapers from around the country...”

Jeremy Leifgarten jams his hand into the air.

He is the best student, but far from the smartest.

His talent is retaining and regurgitating facts.

“Yes, Jeremy”

“You’re talking about the Liberal-Homosexual-Godless Media."

“Very good, Jeremy. As I was saying, we’ve been reading the newspapers from around the country. All these newspaper articles have information. You must learn all this information so that when the time comes for you to make a decision about what your...”

She holds her hand out, palm up.

The class, in unison: “Perspective.”

“Very good, children. About what your perspective should be, you'll then be better prepared to follow the mandates of your betters”, says Miss Helgeson.

Melissa blurts out, “But Teacher, my Daddy says that the media will lead this country down the sure road to Hell and if we listen to what they say it's like shooting a puppy in the face.”

Miss Helgeson says, “Oh yes, Melissa, your Daddy is quite right. They will, and it is. But remember, the Bible...”

Jeremy shoots out of his desk, nearly falling over.

"The infallible, unerring word of God."

“Excellent, Jeremy. Such a clever boy.

The Bible says, "Know thine enemy." When you read these newspapers and magazines, you're just learning what the bad people are thinking so you can prepare...”

Miss Helgeson again extends her hand, again palm up.

The class, again in unison: "For the cleansing."

“I have taught you well, haven't I? Now, with the idea of perspective planted firmly in our heads, I think we should now look at the PROPER PERSPECTIVE. The WHAT class?

The class stands at attention.

"THE PROPER PERSPECTIVE."

Miss Helgeson fights back a tear.

“Oh, this is why I teach”, she says to herself.

She extends her hand once again, this time turning the palm down.

The children sit as one.

She regains her composure, then, “Exactly, the PROPER PERSPECTIVE. This is the true and right way to think. I have a film for you to watch. It concerns the environment, which we're studying, and it also gives us the THE PROPER PERSPECTIVE. So please watch carefully. Melissa, the lights please.”

Melissa races to the light switch.

Jeremy to the screen. He has to jump up to grab the handle, but his enthusiasm gives him strength.

Miss Helgeson goes to the projector, an antique but useful Bell & Howell 16mm sound autoload projector Model 1585. Minnesotans like familiarity, especially when it’s reliable. Mr. Ingebrigtsen, the school custodian, is a master at maintaining classic machinery. He is older than the stars, hobbled, grizzled, and bent but still moves with grace and wisdom.

The familiar sound of the projector calms the children.

A man walks into frame. He is wearing a cardigan sweater with a white shirt and red tie. The children don’t know this because the movie is in black and white. Or rather, varying shades of gray. The film was made from a digitized copy, to give it a 50’s spirit. A time when things were more black and white.

The man speaks.

“Hello boys and girls. I'd like to talk to you about water. Water is everywhere. It's said that water is the source of life on this planet. Water is your friend....or so you think. Water can also be your worst enemy. See, at first water seems nice, at least the water that comes into your house, all filtered and flowing through neat, orderly pipes...but the water that lives outside your house, the streams, the rivers, the lakes, the oceans, well, you let your guard down around them and BOOM!! suddenly you're drowned in it and you're dead and your Mommy and Daddy are crying and they get mad at one another and yell and point fingers at one another and get a divorce. And you're drowned and all swollen up and bloated and smelly and icky with big worms in your belly and no eyes because the illegal immigrant Mexicans have been fishing for food because they don't know how to use a grocery store and their fishhooks catch in your eyes and rip them out of your skull and when your body finally floats to the surface even your parents don't want to look at you because the water has made you ugly and they wish they never had you.”

The children begin to stir

Miss Helgeson says “Settle, children. Listen”

The man stops talking during this pause, as though he knew.

He continues.

“But children, it doesn't have to be that way. No, because there's someone who can help. Let me get him for you.”

He walks to a a very tall window and opens it.

He leans out.

“Mr. Giant Corporate Puppy?! Mr. Giant Corporate Puppy, can you come here for a minute? The boys and girls are scared and need your help.”

The sound of heavy footsteps is heard.

The window shakes, threatening to shatter.

The man is not concerned.

A giant stands next to the building, dressed in a blue pinstripe suit. He has a dog nose and floppy dog ears. A white shirt, red tie, and gleaming black Florsheim wingtip shoes complete the ensemble.

He speaks, smiling.

“Hello boys and girls. I'm the Giant Corporate Puppy. I'm here to help.”

The man says “Mr. Giant Corporate Puppy, the children are afraid of the bad water. How can we help?”

The giant laughs.

“Well, boys and girls, water is very fast and light. Have you ever tried to hold it in your hand? Pretty hard, huh? You see, my friends and I are trying to slow the water down. To make it heavier. Easier to control. Kinda like when your parents give you a time out, only instead of locking the water in a dark closet for three to four days, we fill it with things called chemicals. These chemicals make the water sleepy. And when the water is sleepy, it doesn't want to hurt anyone. It just wants to take a nap, like you do when you've been doing something really fun with your favorite friends.”

The man says “So, Mr. Giant Corporate Puppy, what you're saying is, if we put chemicals in the water, it won't hurt us ever again?”

“That's right. So, children, the next time you hear someone say that putting chemicals into the water is a bad thing, you just say, "SSHHHH! The water is sleeping” and write down their names to give to your teacher.”

“Thank you, Mr. Giant Corporate Puppy. You better get back to work doing good things for people everywhere.” says the man.

The Giant Corporate Puppy says “I will. And thank you boys and girls.”

The man turns back to the camera.

“Well, boys and girls, I hope you learned something today. This film is about over. Your Teacher will answer any questions you might have. Goodbye and be strong.”

The film ends with the usual clatter of the strip going through the gears.

Melissa runs to the light switch.

Jeremy to the screen.

Miss Helgeson moves to the center of the room.

“Well, class, any questions?”

The children remain motionless, but the hint of a smile begins to form on their lips.

” Very good, children, very good. Let's begin our math lesson, shall we?”