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Sad Suspense Teens & Young Adult

         Torrential rains poured from the sky, obscuring the gravel road in a mist of white. Nadia’s sneakers sank into the ground as she ran. Her hair clung to her skin, its brown color darkening to a pitch black. She had no umbrella or coat. She was forced to blink the ice-cold raindrops from her eyes. But she didn’t have time to sit under a tree and wait out the storm. This would be her only time to escape. So, Nadia clenched her teeth, tightened her grip on her backpack straps, and kept running.

         She moved on instinct, following the path through the forest. The storm overhead was violent enough to send rain straight through the leafy boughs overhead. Every time Nadia heard the sharp crack of thunder, she stumbled, her entire body freezing up. A part of her still thought she was back at camp. The intensity of the boom…it almost rivaled Father’s powerful voice.

         The ground underneath her was uneven, and her right foot slipped into a puddle that had carved a home into the gravel. Nadia winced as the cold water slipped into her shoe and attacked her already numb toes. Would she lose feeling in her feet? Would she still be able to run if that happened? She shook her head, sending droplets of water down her face. No, it wouldn’t do any good to think like that. One foot in front of the other, Di. Left, right, left, right, left—

         Lightening flashed overhead, followed by another bout of thunder that made Nadia’s ears ring. Her back curled, and she tried to pick up the pace. She wished there had been some signs on the road. Even a marker that would let her know that she was headed in the right direction. When she left the camp—compound, she had to remind herself. It’s a compound, a prison—she had just run down the nearest path she saw. What if this led to some other part of Father’s compound? She would be running right back into his arms. She froze, wishing her body would stop shivering long enough for her to think. She eyed the trees on either side of her, weighing her options.

         She could keep running down the path, but there was no telling where it would lead. She had spent her entire life in the compound, but that didn’t mean she had stepped even a toe out of the designated boundaries. Nadia wished she had been braver as a child. Other kids would sometimes sneak out at night and go exploring in the woods. Then again, those were all boys, and they always got more freedom than girls. Still, if she had tried to go with them, maybe she would have a better idea of which direction she should go. Instead, she had chosen to stay in the confines of Father’s church, learning how to best keep a house and tend to the community’s farm.

         Maybe she should try the woods. It would be slower, as Nadia would have to stumble through unkempt brush, but maybe that would keep Father from finding her. After all, she was the prim, proper princess of Father’s Flock. She had spent her long 13 years being more concerned with keeping the house clean than scooping cow dung from the pasture. Would they expect her to run into the woods, somewhere that would undoubtedly get her even more filthy? Nadia flexed her fingers, trying to force some blood to flow through her frozen digits.

         Perhaps this was all foolish. She could turn back now. Maybe the others hadn’t even noticed she was gone. She had left before the Sheep who tended to the farm would have gotten up. She’d even placed her pillows under her thin sheets in the vague shape of a body. She had to do so carefully, as any excess noise would have woken her mother, sister, and two cousins who shared the room with her. But Nadia had gotten good at being quiet. Quiet people didn’t get disciplined by Father and his Shepherds. Nadia could sneak back into camp and pretend she had decided to tend to the animals in the barn. No one would have to know that she broke one of the Seven Great Tenants of the Flock.        

         The water ran down her face, completely masking any chilled tears that escaped from her eyes. She began walking, much more slowly this time, letting her sobs be masked by the roaring thunder. There was no good option. No hero would rescue her. If Father really was the great deity he proclaimed himself to be, then Nadia would never pray again for fear that he would somehow find her. She would just have to keep walking. Maybe she would wander into the woods to rest. Her legs were already starting to lose feeling. Her lungs felt like they were frozen solid. She just had to keep walking.

         Keep walking.

         Keep…walking.

         Nadia fell. Got back up, fell, got back up. Her jeans were torn and bloody from her multiple collisions with the gravel. At some point, the backpack with her few beloved possessions became too heavy. It slid off of her back like a slug. Instead of feeling lighter, Nadia’s stumbling got worse. She could have sworn she had passed the same gnarled oak three times now. But she was making progress, right? She was this close, she could feel it in her bones. Nadia could practically hear people talking in front of her. Their voices cut clear through the rain and thunder. Nadia broke into an uneven run. Her arms swung from side to side.

         “Hey!” She waved down the path. Nadia couldn’t see the people yet, but their laughter was close. People in Father’s compound didn’t laugh; overt joy wasn’t allowed, so these people must be from somewhere else. Her foot caught on a tree root that had cut through the path. Nadia crashed to the ground, the tiny rocks digging into her palms. She cried out, hoping someone would hear. She didn’t have much more energy to spare. Surely someone would come for her. Someone kind. She closed her eyes, hoping that when she opened them next, it would be to the face of a friend.

         She wasn’t sure how long she laid there—it felt like mere seconds—when she heard boots crunching against gravel. Nadia opened her eyes, nearly bolting upright at what she saw. The rain had stopped. Some freaky wind must have blown those terrible clouds far away. The sun was high in the air, and a warm breeze blew away any remnants of rainwater. A man was walking toward Nadia. She sat up, full of newfound energy. The man’s great big sunhat covered half his face, but Nadia could still see his carefree smile. He was dressed like a farmer (a real one, not the kind she had seen on the compound), his great big belly nearly popping the buttons on his flannel shirt. He knelt once he got close to her, his eyes still hidden. For some reason, Nadia felt completely safe.

         “Howdy, ma’am,” the farmer said cheerily. “You seem lost.”

         “I…” Nadia’s words came out slowly. She hugged her arms. Strange. Hadn’t she been soaking wet? The man was still patiently waiting for a response, so Nadia pushed her confusion to the side. “I need help. There’s this place—”

         “Don’t worry, you’ll be safe with me. There are lots of people waiting to meet you, Nadia.”

         “Oh.” Well, that sounded okay. As long as the man wasn’t going to hurt her, then she would go with him. He held out a hand to her, and as soon as Nadia took it, all her anxieties melted away. What had she been so concerned about? Could anything hurt her with this man here? The day was too pretty to spend it worrying. With the help of the man, Nadia stood. His large fingers dwarfed her own, but in a good way. She felt protected.

         The man seemed pleased with her response. “Are you ready to go, Nadia?”

         She paused. That seemed like a serious question, so she took a moment to think it over. “Will there be somewhere to swim?” The farmer smiled, revealing rows of perfectly straight, white teeth.

         “There’s a lake as big as a mountain, with waters as blue as your little eyes.”

         Nadia squeezed his hand, offering the farmer a crooked smile of her own. “Then let’s go! Quick, quick, as fast as you can!” She ran down the path, pulling the chuckling farmer behind her. A breeze blew through her hair, combing out any tangles so that it could flow out behind her. She didn’t look back at the path. After all, there was nothing back there worth worrying about. Nothing else mattered except for the road ahead.

         Her hand still gently held in the farmer’s smooth grip, Nadia turned her eyes up to the blue sky, smiling at the warm sunbeams piercing through the branches. And they walked together, enjoying the sounds of nature along the little gravel path.

February 02, 2024 15:47

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3 comments

Matt Aberdeen
22:08 Feb 07, 2024

I like that we end before she figures it out but also in a way that solves her quest for a new home. I think the first paragraph might benefit from more variance in sentence length and modifying the second sentence to be the first sentence by including the effect of the first to relate the storm to us. That way we would begin with the character instead of with her passive observation. It accomplishes the goal of a short story well, delivering a one-two punch to to the audience's sympathy.

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Sue Hunter
01:40 Feb 08, 2024

Thanks, Matt! Your comments are really helpful! Honestly, I was struggling to write anything for the site this week. I'll integrate your comments into the next thing that I write (if I can get that far, haha!)

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Matt Aberdeen
03:03 Feb 08, 2024

Happy to help, I hope you will write again soon!

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