You can Ron, but you can't hide!

DAY 34

My People,

It’s been a minute since I’ve showered, and my fam like, “what’s with Ron?”

Lemme just say, aqua phobia be real to y’all struggling out there!

Day thirty-four and the smell getting lil’ much, but I’m for real, for real, showering today. For real!

Yeah right!

Babe, come on, can’t you see I’m busy, tryin’ to find a solution to my problem!

Ooooohh Hun, “I know what the solution is”; Connie says pointing towards the shower!

WOMAN!

Aaalright, alright no need to throw a hissy fit, dinners in 30 minutes, “I’ll be sure to open all the windows”, she says while slamming the door shut.

God that woman!

Wait what was I sayin’? Y’all probably thinking, “How’d he get to day 34?”

It all started with that fucking show, The X-files...

***

DAY 3

My name is Rodney and I’m an aqua phobe!

Look, I’m here manning up, cause I’ve fallen off the damn wagon.

Maaannn I fuckin’ hate wagons, like why dat even an expression?

Anyways, it’s like day three and I just can’t seem to get my body in a shower, my wife Connie trippin’, and for real so I’m I.

I shouldn’t have watched that stupid x-files show...

Yo, so Skully is in this underground sewage pipe searching for this crazy demon monster type thing, and I’m like, she gonna die! And then, she turns the corner and takes a step and slips, but then it’s just like, dirty water, and she sighs relief, and for real so did I. Next thing I know something jump out the water, chewing her foot. I switched that mo-fucker off right there.

Next thing, I know, I can’t shower. Damn!

I still smell good thou!

***

DAY 16

My people,

So I figured out a potential reason for my problem and I’m sharing today. Cause real men share!

WORRRDD!

Y’all so I figured the reason I can’t shower is cause of, uhm it’s...wait I can’t remember how to pronounce it, micro-orgasmic-nisms. Ya,I read about dem bugs y’all, in the water and I’m not feelin’ it. I’M NOT FEELIN’ IT!

I’m not feelin it on my skin, yo what if I open my mouth, and they get in and like, YOU KNOW, grow!

Connie overhears and interjects

Ronnie, you sound dumber than a box of rocks!

Hun, you haven’t showered in daaayyysss, what about all ‘em bugs growing on your skin right now?

WOMAN! I wet wipe! Yo, why you trippin’ off my vlog man, I’m dealin’, Connie.

Well Hun, I’m smellin’, it’s day sixteen!

You best figure out your situation or there will be no lovin’.

Why she always gotta be like that?

If any of you have people round you not supportin’ and all, drop me a line!

***

DAY 8

My people,

Saw this visualization thing on the tube, and I was like yeah black man, VISUALIZE!

I’m a modern man, bro.

So I try this mediation you know, oneness wit yourself, and I visual-li-zation me in the shower!

 I felt powerful you know, so I run the water, steam going, I’m bout to be phresh, and I step, my big toe just touch the water and then that FUCKIN’ monster pop in my head. Bro, I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t do it!

I still smell good thou!

***

DAY 45

Connie sneaks into Ron's office

“How in God’s name does this dang thing work?” Oh wait, there it’s recording.

Howdy, fine internet people. Imma get right to it!

Y’all I dunno if I can take much more of this, I know I said for better or worst but this smell!

If this continues imma have to be like momma, and do something real drastic!

I mean I have not been touched in almost two months, and I’m a lady, I have needs.

Y’all better talk some sense into my husband before I knock him out cold!

I’ve tried everything, I’ve prayed to the good Lord, I give money to the poor, I tried and gossip less. I mean I’m I being punished?

I just don’t understand why he gets this way. So I’m begging y’all please, do something real quick, because my cookie is on her last nerve!

Peace and Love!

***

DAY 29

Uhm, realizations!

a)     Wet wipes can only take you so far!

b)     My dog’s avoiding me

c)     I really miss my wife next to me in bed.

***

DAY 30

My people,

Imma keep it buck wit y’all, the nightmares are the worst, this shit is so unrealistic cause it’s not like I haven’t showered before, and I know its mad crazy but I also know how I feel. Like just the thought of water, I’m trippin’, just thinkin’ bout it.

Connie’s been on me about seeing someone and taking meds.

I suppose y’all know, this deep. Like, I been askin’ myself why, I’m trippin’, you know!

I’m a man!

I’m a man!

I’m a man.

We not suppose to get like this, damn.

Anyway I’m out, if y’all have any comments or suggestions...Drop me a line!

Peace and Love!

***

DAY 31

My People,

Y’all seeing me up all night! I feel disgusting, yo facts, I can’t even take this anymore!

My mind playin’ me and all I keep thinkin’ bout is...that day, at the school camp pool. I was tryin’ feel the pool water and thinking I wish I could swim, then next thing I know this bozo grade 9 came pick me up and like pushed me in, and I swear y’all I saw black, I saw black.

Yo, I saw black and I am black, Jokes. Nah for real, I think that messed me up bro.

For real! Real talk!

Cause after dat, yo now I’m thinking, I for real hated swimming. Like you know we never ask, why? Why I feel like this?

I think I need to talk with someone, y’all know, a head doctor.

***

DAY 35

My people,

Healing is power!

“That’s right hun”...Connie says from behind.

Baby, come sit next to your man!

One second hun, let me put this facemask on!

Rodney gives her a look.

Hun, I’m happy and all, for your healin’, but that has not materialized into an actual shower yet!

Whatever!

Baby what was that famous saying, uhm ya ya, be the change you wanna be or see, or is it see the change you wanna be.

It’s be the change you want to see, hun!

Thanks baby, give me a lil' kiss.

That’s a negative Ronnie, until that body gets into a shower.

You gonna play me like that, in front of all the people.

Ron, can you focus?

Alright, basically, I learnt that I have to take control of this fear! I control my destiny, you feel me, and so do all of you beautiful people out there.

Bless your heart hun, so can you control you feet to stand under a shower?

“For you my queen”, Ron says lovingly

 Hell no, baby steps baby!

Peace and love to all y’all. Keep up the good fight.

***

DAY 38

Yo, Real Quick!

Malcolm X, said...”education is the passport to the future, for tomorrow belongs to those who prepare for it today”.

That’s power! Bro, I felt that.

lemme put it to you like this, today I’m educating myself on this fear so tomorrow I am more prepared to win it, you feel me, you know the vibe!!

drop me a comment.

Peace and Love

***

DAY 42

My people,

I’m taking a page from Mr Luther King today, who said, “Life’s most persistent and urgent question is, what are you doing for others?”

and y’all out here with me sharing and I feel the love. This is a safe space y’all and if you struggling today we here wit you. Feel free to comment or DM.

Love and peace

***

Connie watched as this went on for days, he was introspective and interactive and deep as all hell but he was not actually dealing and most importantly he was still scared to take a shower.

***

DAY 45

My people,

Today, I put my feet in the ocean for a minute.

Power! That’s power bro. I’m dealin’, but y’all most importantly, I’m healin’.

Drop me a comment.

***

DAY 48

My people,

I see y’all blowing up my page, droppin’ comments and today I’m replyin’. Thanks for all the love!

Connie enters with a cup of coffee.

“Hun, I’m so proud of you thought I’d surprised you with a cup.” “You drink up now.” Connie says while exiting the room.

“My Queen” says Ron taking a good couple of sips. I’m a blessed man y’all.

So first question: How has therapy helped me deal with my fear and who would I recommend?

Thanks for the que Sarah.

For real I would say...

Woe, gimme a minute!

I feel funny y’all, like real funny.

Imma pause and get back to y’all.

Just as Ron gets up he passes out!

Connie enter the room

I’m so sorry baby, but I can’t deal anymore. “grab his feet Kay, and put him in the tub”.

I’m going straight to heeelllll, but how I’m I suppose to live like this?

“Thanks Kay, you can close the door on your way out”.

“Baby I know you’ve been trying” she says to her knocked out husband, “but I can’t, I miss my husband, and I know this is selfish and uglier than sin” she says washing him for the second time. “but, you just gonna have to keep dealin’ and healin’ even though you couldn’t take this step alone. I love you Ron”, she says drying her husband and covering him with blanket.

***

Day 49

Rodney wakes up.

Clean.

In the tub!