Saturday, September 23rd, 2023, we were leaving the “Wander Camp
Grand Canyon” camp site to go watch the sunset over the Grand Canyon
as we had every night since Thursday evening when we arrived for our
weekend getaway for the last days of summer. Depressed was an
understatement for how I was feeling, but as we all know, all good things
come to an end eventually. You know, just like summer does, then it starts
getting chili in the fall, and blistering cold in the winter. But that’s a whole other
story we can dive into later. My family and I were sitting in the back of the
minivan with the hatch opened watching the sunset one last time before we
headed back hours away to our home (it was kind of a family tradition for
us to watch the sunset at this point). My mom was keeping up with the time
on her phone waiting to give us a countdown. “Okay guys, its 6:23 p.m., 1
minute, help me countdown.” We all smiled with heavy hearts and lumps in
our throat knowing this was the end of our vacation. “60, 59, 58, 57…” We
began counting backwards from 60 (In my opinion I don’t know why we
start at 60 but it has been that way for years, so no need in changing now.)
“5, 4, 3, 2, 1!” We all counted the suns exit down to zero, with frowns on our
faces we all watched as the last section of sun dipped down below the
canyon. Dad turned and looked at me and my brother “Well, that’s it boys,
we go home tomorrow, so let’s go back to the tent and enjoy the night.” But
my brother nudged me because he had noticed something miraculous
happening. When I looked up I couldn’t believe my eyes, “Dad! Look, it’s
coming back!” The sun! It was slowly rising back up over the horizon! My
dad stood in aww as he watched this happening “What the heck is going
on?” he said to us all. My mom, standing with her arms hanging down by
her side, and her mouth gaped wide open saying “I’ve never seen anything
like this before in my life.” As we slowly watched the sun coming back in
reverse at a distance, like it made a complete circle beneath the earth. We
all just stood there with our jaws catching dust, because they had
absolutely hit the ground. After a few minutes of looking at the
phenomenon we had just witnessed, my dad finally said “Okay kids, get
back in the van, we, we, have a long day ahead of us tomorrow.” I had
never witnessed my dad at a loss for words, he was always a talker, but he
was disoriented. So we all climbed back into the van to head back to the
campsite to rest up for our journey back home when my mom said “I’m
going to google this and see if this has ever happened before.” We all
agreed that it was a great idea and she took her phone out of her purse.
She touched the screen of her iPhone to light the screen up when she let
out a cry that shook us all “Oh my God, Oh my goodness!” Me, my brother,
and dad all 3 yelled back “What is it?! What’s wrong?!” My mom, now pale
in color looked as if she had saw a ghost. “Guys, um, something crazy,
beyond anything I’ve ever seen or heard of is going on.” Me and my brother
were becoming agitated at not knowing what was going on screamed
“Mom, what is it?” Mom finally caught her breath, turned to look at all 3 of
us and said “When my phone lit up, I noticed the date and time, guys, it
says Friday, September 22nd, 2023, and not only that, it also says it’s 6:14
a.m.” We all 4 looked at each other in disbelief, this couldn’t be true, so I
said to my brother “Joseph, pull out your phone and see what your date
and time says, maybe moms has something malfunctioned on it.” So
Joseph went ahead and did so, he pulled his phone out and same thing,
Friday, September 22nd, 2023, 6:14 a.m. ‘We’re stuck in time’ I thought to
myself “Dad, let’s check our phones” I said hastily. Dad and I both pulled
our phones out, and no change, they both said the same as my mothers
and brothers, Friday, September 22nd, 2023, 6:14 a.m. Then my dad very
confused turned to us and said “We have been checking phones for at the
least a minute” Mom replied, “Yea and your point?” With a slight giggle.
“Well why do all the phones say 6:14 a.m.?” We all looked at our phones
again, still yet 6:14 a.m. By this time we were all so confused and quite
frankly, scared. We had no clue what was going on, what was to come,
nothing, not a clue as to what had happened. So I thought fast “Dad, turn
the radio on and see if anything is being said about weird sunsets or
anything, I don’t know” I said with a slightly confusing giggle. So dad did
just that, he turned the radio on, found a news station channel and we
waited. All we heard was things about the election coming up in 2024,
about if the coronavirus was back on the rise or was it just the regular flu,
but nothing about the catastrophe of a reoccurring sunrise. “What is wrong
with people?!” I shouted out, “The sun has set and rose again within a 1
minute span, and nobody is even talking about it. Dad, we have to get out
of here and get back home!” My dad turned to me and said “Son, you may
be a kid, but I agree with you one hundred percent, let’s get out of here
tonight!” My dad stomped on the gas and floored our van up a slope we
were heading up in the road. As we approached the tip of the slope the sun
was beaming in our faces, so bright that we were shielding our eyes, and
dad was swerving all over the road in the van. It just kept getting brighter
and brighter until it was burning my eyes “Oh my God” I yelled out. I came
to, lying in my sleeping bag under the tent we had been staying in all
weekend. I looked over and saw Mom, Dad, and Joseph all laying in their
sleeping bags sound asleep, so I lie back down in my sleeping bag and
closed my eyes. It was all just a dream.
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6 comments
Hello Arlin I was prompted to your story by Reedsy's Critique Circle. I'm a relatively new writer so please take everything I say with a grain of salt. Your concept is entertaining. They all check the news to see if everyone else in the world is also experiencing the same phenomenon. Nice. You build an immersive world around the family and their traditions, and the characters are somewhat well defined. I was able to picture them pretty easily. I believe one of the best things a writer can do is not make the reader work too hard to envision ...
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Nicely written with some very funny elements. Good job
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Appreciate the comment so much! Glad you enjoyed!
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Arlin, It might be nice to have a day begin over again, especially during summer. Since it hasn't happened before, you add suspense to your story through the characters' fear. That fear seems realistic. I think your story could be improved by not ending it as a dream. Here is a resource explaining why using that cliche isn't good: https://thewritelife.com/cliches-avoid-4-story-endings-readers-will-hate/. I hope this helps. Keep writing! Patricia
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Thank you so much for commenting, maybe I will go back sometime and add more and see where all I can take it.
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That's a good idea.
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