Dear Diary, Let me be me

Day 5842:

I don't know why they won't just let me be, I mean, seriously, I’m not a baby anymore. They always think I will get lead down the garden path by some big bad boy in a big bad car with a big bad attitude.

They don't know me at all. I absolutely would not get into that kind of trouble. 100%.

Why won't they trust me.

I try to talk to them, but the words don't come out right and it all gets mis-spoken and misheard, misunderstood and I usually end up in tears. Then I'm suddenly the emotional one.

I don't know why I bother sometimes. I really don’t.

I wish I could be like Shayne. She gets along so well with her parents. They talk about EVERYTHING!! And she doesn’t keep a dumb old diary. 'Live in the moment' she says. ‘Take life by the horns, and don't let some horny little boy take you!'

I did laugh when she said that though. She really is quite funny most of the time.

Today we were laughing about when we first met and how she had tripped on the step at recess and her face fell straight into my pot of chocolate pudding and I’d just stared at her.

She stood up and everyone was laughing and pointing at her. I felt horrible.

She didn't seem to care. She just poked her tongue out as far as it could go and licked it off her nose! Some of the kids stopped laughing because they couldn't believe how long her tongue was.

My face was red. I was soooo hot I thought my face would melt off. She just laughed and said “I think I like you stranger. I think I may decide to eat your pudding again someday.”

She'd wiped her nose with the back of her hand walked off!

And the rest as she says, is hysterical history.

Oh well, better go deal with the ranting rents once again.

Today’s thought of the day:

I WISH I HAD COURAGE.

DAY 5843:

Well I nearly got yesterday’s courage, but not quite. I almost got the courage to ask mum and dad to sit and have a cuppa with me and have a chat... but it just seemed corny, and they were super busy and being weird again - same as Day 4973, that was the day they told us three kids that we were going to have a baby brother. At their age!

I hope they aren’t surprising us with another brother or sister. The poor thing won't even be out of high school, and they will be planning for retirement! Anyway, they are being super cagey .

So today... not many ramblings to report. Mr Anderson is in a mood this week; I heard his wife is quite sick, so Shayne and I baked some butterfly cakes and picked some proteas from down at the park for him to give to her. And when I say picked, what I mean is we cut through the really hard stems with her mom’s chicken cutting scissors from the kitchen! - Don't worry - we didn't tell her that!

But we did add it to the jar of notes that Shayne has in her cupboard.

The: "Sorry mum-I forgot to mention-. " HA! She said she is going to read them out to her mum on her wedding day. I don't know if Shayne will ever be allowed to get married!

Hope Mrs Anderson is okay. She really is a nice lady.

Today's thought of the day:

BE KINDER TO OTHERS

• • •

Day 5844

Finally! it’s here!!! Day 5844 sweet 16! Yay!

Mum and dad said Shayne can come over for family dinner tonight and then we can have a birthday party on the weekend. I have been waiting for this day

F-O. R. E. V. E-R!

I can get my licence this year. I can stay out till 11.30pm. I can get a job (probably to pay for the car... - I'm good with that though) AND... I don't have to babysit Mitchell on weekends now. I get the whole weekend off, in writing that though, I would not want to have every weekend off, now that he’s out of nappies, he’s way easier to look after… .and Shayne loves babies, but she doesn’t have brothers and sisters- that’s probably why! Between the baby brother and two nephews - in the babysitting queen and Shayne is the sucker sidekick. She doesn't mind. ANYWAY!! BACK TO ME!!

Today I wake up 16. Today I celebrate with friend and family. And on-the weekend I have my party to remember with all my friends.

Thought of the day:

HAPPY SWEET 16 TO ME!!

DAY 5844 part 2. Sorry Diary, I have never done a part 2 until today… but it was super cool and I just had to let it out!

I can't believe it. I thought tonight was going to suck big time.

Shayne came over for dinner and all us kid, and nephews and mum and dad were all sitting around the table laughing when Shayne said she had a toast to make. I thought I was going to die... This is verbatim:

Ladies, gentlemen, and little dudes with grotty faces. My name is Shayne and I have been the best friend of this sweet sixteen-year-old gorgeous girl for three years now and since the first day we met and my face fell in her lap- I knew we would be friends forever. I have grown to be like furniture in your family homes and you have all accepted me for who I am, and even put up with my potty mouth here and there. Anyway, this is supposed to be about my best friend and me wishing her the happiest birthday ever."

THEN!!! SHE LACED HER FINGERS IN MINE AND KISSED MY CHEEK!! AND WHEN SHE SAT DOWN - SHE KEPT HOLDING MY HAND!

I thought I was going to die! My parents were right there!

THEN!!

Mum goes (yes verbatim) I knew it! Why didn't you say something sooner! You two are perfect. Just perfect.

AND THEN!! SHE JUMPED OUT THE CHAIR SO QUICK IT FELL OVER!! She hugged us saying congratulations and its beautiful, blah blah, blah.

You know what dad said - "I don't get it?" Turns out he was the only one who didn't know! I don't know why I thought they wouldn't understand, or why I thought they wouldn't love me the same. I’m still the same person and I’m still the same daughter and sister and aunty.

Not one thing in my life has changed - except the honesty factor.

You have been with me for 1095 days now journal, you have helped me gather my thoughts, journal my dreams and ambitions. I have learned to write with the purpose to reflect.

I have read and re-read you over the last few days dear diary, and I thank you for taking my words and keeping them precious and safe. But for a small while I will be laying down my pen to spend every minute I can growing more free every day from feeling confined in an image I thought I had to be.

Thank you, dear diary. I shall pick up my pen another day, but for now I shall spend every moment I can steal with my beautiful girl Shayne.

THOUGHT OF THE DAY JOURNAL:

BE WHO YOU ARE... BE KIND...

BE INCITEFUL... BE HUMBLE...

LIVE IN THE MOMENT AND LOVE YOURSELF AS MUCH AS YOUR FAMILY.

-WE ALL HAVE OUR OWN JOURNEYS TO JOURNAL-