Henry's Average Day

Henry was average in almost every measure of the word.

He worked in a company that—like himself—was totally and completely ordinary. Nothing he did on a day-to-day basis mattered. And that was just the way he liked.

All that changed, however, when he showed up to his office one day. He’d been there for a few hours at this point, mindlessly typing away at his keyboard, when a thought occurred to him. Why had it been so quiet?

Now, usually, he was the first one to the office and quickly settled into his desk. He would close the door and get lost in a sea of numbers and words. Still, though, Henry would always hear some chatter from behind his door. Maybe the beep of the copier or the laugh of a joke. Never had it been utterly silent like this.

Henry tried to get out of his mind. He tried to continue with his work.

Henry continued typing…

Usually, his work soothed Henry, but now a growing sense of uneasiness filled him. Somehow, he knew that if he stopped working and dared to open his office door, everything he loved about his life would come to an end suddenly and horrifically.

Henry continued typing…

Henry knew that he couldn’t keep mindlessly typing at his keyboard. So, he decided to get up and investigate what was happening.

Henry continued typing…

Hmm, it appeared that Henry didn’t want to follow the laid-out structure of the story. Perhaps, he thought that if he kept typing and doing his work all this wouldn’t be happening. Ah, that’s the spirit, Henry. Bravo. You’ve figured it out, well done. But seriously, don’t you think it’s time to face the inevitable and open the door?

Henry continued typing…

Alright, you win Henry. I’ll leave you alone now and let you live out the rest of your life in ignorant bliss. Goodbye, Henry.

Henry paused and stood up. He walked over to his door and opened it slowly.

Henry couldn’t pretend to keep working any longer. He walked over to his door and tossed the door open—as if to say ‘I don’t fear the situation I am currently in. In fact, I am Henry and I laugh in the face of danger.’ The door slammed against the wall and revealed an empty office.  

The brave protagonist decided to get to the bottom of this. 

Henry walked carefully out of his office. Then, he walked down a hallway and stopped at a set of stairs. The left set went up and the right set went down.

Upon coming to a set of stairs, Henry took the one on his left.

Henry paused for a moment before heading down the right set of stairs.

For some reason, beyond all common sense, Henry decided to take the stairs on the right. He surely knew that there was nothing at the bottom of those as he descended each step. After all, he’d been an employee at the company for… umm, I don’t honestly know how long. My, how embarrassing. Well, let’s say longer than a year and less than a hundred years. Yes, I’m quite happy we’ve come to an agreement.

Henry reached the bottom of the stairs. He looked around and saw nothing there except for a bucket. He walked over and picked up the bucket. Then headed back up the stairs.

Ah, yes. The bucket. Quite a crucial piece of the story. I’m glad you spent all that time walking to the bottom of the stairs for a bucket…

Henry made his way to the original fork in the stairs and went up this time.

An eerie feeling began to creep into Henry. He hoped that maybe he had just missed a memo and everyone was in an early morning meeting. They were rare but did happen from time to time. Once he reached the top of the stairs he walked through an open door and into the meeting room. 

Henry clutched at the bucket dearly. The bucket was a soothing presence for Henry and comforted him. He needed every bit of comfort he could manage because the meeting room was completely empty. Not a sign of life except for half a box of donuts from the day before. Henry quickly walked through the room and into the hallway. 

After a short while, he came to three closed doors. On the left was a red door. In the middle was a purple door. On the right was a green door with a sign on the front that read ‘Do Not Enter Unless You Wish To Be Fired.’ Henry knew he should enter the door on the right because that was his boss’s office. If someone knew what was happening it would be his boss. He would have to risk the chance of being fired.

Henry walked over to the red door and turned the handle. He pulled on the door. It rattled but didn’t open.

Without a second doubt, Henry knew he should go to his boss’s office. So, he entered the door on his right—the green door.

Henry walked over to the purple door and turned the handle. Then pulled on the door. It rattled but didn’t open.

Ahem, perhaps I wasn’t clear. Henry walked over to the GREEN door and walked inside his boss’s office. Does nobody have respect for a good story anymore? It’s a good thing I remembered to lock those doors.

Henry opened the green door and walked inside.

When Henry walked inside his boss’s office, to no one’s surprise it was empty. There was nothing but a solid wood desk and huge bookcases on each side.

At that moment, Henry resigned himself to a life of solitude. He was sure that he was going to spend the rest of his miserable life in complete and utter isolation… And he was okay with that. Come to think of it, he never really liked having his co-workers around, did he? Sure, he didn’t hate the small talk or the company meetings, but he was certain he could come to terms with being without. It may even allow him to focus more completely on his work.

Then, a horrible thought crossed his mind. How would he work if there was no one to send his completed documents to? Hmm, truly a tough one…

That’s it! Henry will be the worker and the boss! Yes, that’s genius. This way he can continue to play out his mundane life and find some semblance of happiness.

Well, I guess that’s it then. Henry spent the rest of his time working away at his desk—while occasionally walking up the stairs and approving all his glorious work. Henry really was a superb and hard-working employee.

Henry still stood in his boss’s office. He stared at a big red button that said ‘Do Not Touch’ in big letters. He walked over to it and pressed it.

Oh, Henry. What did you think would happen when you pressed the button? Setting aside the obvious fact that it was clearly stated for you not to touch. Did you think that by pressing the button you could fight against the system? Fight against your fate? Fight against ME? HAHAHA… I applaud your resilience, Henry, truly.

Henry pressed the button again.

Okay, this is starting to get pathetic now, Henry. How about you just head back to your office and we’ll go with the ending I already planned out for you, hmm? I know you, Henry. I know that you need someone to tell you what to do and that without that you can’t function. So, I am telling you now Henry to turn around and go to your office and get back to work.

Henry pressed the button again. The building shook and Henry had to brace himself to avoid falling over.

HENRY… Why did you do that? Didn’t I just give you a direct order? If you press that button again-

Henry pressed the button again. The building shook more violently this time. It shook until Henry felt like he might pass out. Then, it all stopped at once.

…

Henry waited—bucket firmly in hand—for a long time in that office. Henry waited until HE felt like it was long enough. Finally, there was no one telling him what he should think or how he should act. It was a freeing sensation, but also a deeply disturbing one. Perhaps he would have been better off blindly listening to that voice. But it was too late to second guess himself now. So, he turned around and headed back to his office.

Henry looked down at his watch—almost time for lunch.