Paradise Lost

I felt the sun faintly frying my skin, a fairly enjoyable sensation if I don’t stay in one place for too long. So I stayed for a second, and then moved. I looked at their messy light hair and noticed another strand that was out of place. That made me laugh.

Their black eyes pierced through me, gave me an eyeroll and smirked. It wasn’t the kind of cold gaze that gave you shivers, rather the one that saw your brain, read your eyes and knew what you think. But they couldn’t do it always. They thought they did, but sometimes they just got it wrong, plain and simple. They just didn’t know.

Maur moved closer to me, their fingers slowly tapping my knee to the rhythm of the song just for the sake of touching my skin. I knew it cause I did the same thing. It was nice. I loved such boring afternoons in my living room when nothing had to be said. Either silence or nice words, nice words we could read off each other anyway.

A knock on the door.

“Hey.”

My sister barging in was a daily occurrence. Her sneaky eyes almost always wondered around the room in her quest for sweets to steal, but not that day. Her eyes were calm and quiet and soft. It wasn’t the usual school was trouble so I’ll be quiet for five minutes look, it was a hey can you tell me it’s going to be okay and let me cry on your shoulder kind of look.

I opened my arms instead of answering. She climbed onto the sofa and buried her face in my hoodie. I felt her sobbing and it made my eyes water. Maur tapped my pocket and I remember they gave me a chocolate. I took it out for my sister.

“They’re watching out for us, right?” she mumbled taking the chocolate.

“Yea. They are.”

She sniffed and nodded a few times. She only had a few minutes every time after school to come see me before her bus left. She gave me a messy kiss on my cheek and left again.

“She’s weird,” Maur said, smiling. “I like that. She’s going to be al right.”

“Yeah, she’s going to be all right.”

***

They were wondering in the night. A cool breeze in the woods on a warm night and all worries forgotten. The boy’s brown hair seemed even darker there, it was silk. He was dragging Maur through the forest to see a “one very special place full of cool stuff.” He tended to describe many things with phrases similar to that one, so Maur just went with it without trying to figure out the surprise he was in for that time.

“Close your eyes.” The excitement in Cam’s voice was something Maur would never get tired of. They did how Cam said.

Cam led them, Maur stumbled a few times making Cam laugh. They heard cracks behind them but told themselves it was the sound of the branches they’d just stepped on. Nothing else. Nothing else…

“Now open.” Cam was jumping in one place.

“Ta-da-ah! You like it?”

“Is that… Is that a freaking car?”

“No darling, it’s plane. Of course it’s a car! You like it?”

“I do.”

An unfamiliar hand on Cam’s shoulder made him jerk. They turned around, looked at the face, froze. The light died, hands started dropping. The surprise didn’t work.

He looked at Maur and their piercing stare made their eyes watery. They noticed something off about him from time to time. That was one of those times. They saw his hand slip into their bag. Their heart dropped.

“Hey, yeah…” It came out too loud for the deafening quiet of the last few moments to be able to bear it. A pause. They whispered, “I like it a lot. It’s us.” They felt tears running down their eyes.

“You’re lying again,” Cam sang. “You’re lying.”

Maur’s lips started quivering as Cam came close. They cupped his face unable to stop crying. They shook their head, their peripheral vision noticing the weapon.

“Let’s drive away. It’s me. Snap out of it.”

“Snap out of what,” Cam was looking them dead in the eye. “Snap out of being bullied. Looked at like a freak. Spat at. Abandoned. Out of you thinking you know me and everything so fucking well when you don’t? No, thank you.”

Maur felt the muzzle on their chest. They put their forehead against Cam’s, their lips still quivering. They brushed his cheeks. They didn’t know those cold eyes but every other feature screamed “home”. Except the eyes. The eyes terrified them.

Bang.

Maur’s lips kept quivering. A sharp pain in their chest. Bang. Bang.

A thud.

***

The funeral was okay. I wasn’t really sure why the charade, just like Maur to try to prank us all. I knew they were alive and well, but I decided to roll with it. They always went with my surprises, so I wanted to support their prank. However, it did kill me to see my sis like that. Did she not notice them in my house earlier? It’s not like they’re small.

The weather was nice. A little rain and clouds. Maur timed it so well. It was truly realistic. Even eulogies. Thinking of it now, I was asked to speak as well. I couldn’t do that. Not when I know they’re well. Maybe Maur found it funny, but the whole thing felt cruel after a while. Incredibly cool and sophisticated, but cruel. But the food was good, full of my favourites.

They were waiting for me at home, their knowing gaze soft as ever. They cupped my face and kissed me as I rested my forehead against theirs.

“I have to go.” The quiet voice made my heart hurt. I didn’t know why but I felt tears coming to my eyes.

“Don’t leave yet,” my voice broke, my lips were trembling.

“I have to find the car,” they whispered. “I think you need it to repair my heart.”