Doctor?! I barely know her!

The words left his mouth before he could stop them. They flew through the room and out into the ether like colorful songbirds rising the sun on beautiful wings. He stood there, heaving, and looking around the room at those around him- watching in stunned silence. All eyes were on him now except the eyes of the woman laying on the surgical table- hers remained closed. He pulled down his mask and repeated, “I. Fucking. Quit.” He said, exasperating each word as if it was his final. He looked around, suddenly feeling exposed. The bright lights of the operating room now felt like a burden, a hot sweater on a summer day, and he scratched his neck. No one moved, all of their tireless training and preparing hadn’t prepared them for this.

He then took his mask off, folding it slowly, methodically, and finally placing it a few inches from the bloody incision that made its way up the patient’s belly. Somewhere in the distance, someone coughed, and the lights hummed but otherwise, the silence was so thick you could cut it with a scalpel. He looked around the table and his eyes landed on a man standing toward the end, hunched over and trying to make himself smaller.

“You ready for the major leagues' kid?” he said, pointing a scalpel at him.

“Uhm“ he rattled as he stood up, now towering over the nurses on either side, “I’m j-just a nurse.” He said, then finding the surgeon’s eyes said, “I don’t think they let us just switch.”

“You’re tall enough, take your mask off- let me see your face.” He said demonstratively, now in full control. He tapped the scalpel on his arm impatiently, leaving splotches of red where it touched. The man took off the mask and the surgeon exclaimed, “Are you kidding me? You’re perfect.”  He looked at the nurse standing next to him and gestured again with the scalpel. “Doesn’t he look like a surgeon?”

The girl visibly gulped and pulled her mask down revealing beautiful pouty lips, and magnificent bone structure. Her deep brown eyes gave him a once over before she steadied herself and = concluded, “I suppose so doctor, but if the role is open” she said thoughtfully, grabbing a syringe from a steel tray beneath her, “I’d like a stab at it.”

“My name is Charles, not ‘doctor, and I like the idea of a female doctor, We’re starting to see more and more success from that.” He said and dropped his scalpel onto the tray and continued, “take your nurses’ cap off.” She did and a bun of brown hair was revealed. She quickly reached up, undid the bun, and her chestnut brown hair cascaded down, glimmering in the white-hot surgery theater lighting. “Oh, you’re going to be a star at GH girl, I can feel it,” Charles said. She beamed, but before she could speak the body on the table began to sit up. Charles snapped, “stay in character!" and the body immediately went still minus the occasional rising and falling of the chest.

“As I was saying” he continued, “ I think-“

“Cut! Cut! Cut!” came a voice from outside the surgical theater. The lights above shut off revealing a large warehouse encircling the three walls in which they all stood. A director donning a black cap, flannel, thick-rimmed glasses, and a scowl stood by a snack table. He threw his donut back onto the table and marched his way through the row of film chairs, beyond the cameras, and didn’t stop till he was on set and in Charle’s face which was significantly higher than his own.

“What the hell are we doing here? I left for two seconds because we just needed b-roll” he exclaimed with his hands as much as he did with his words. Without breaking eye contact with Charles he shouted, “Stephany!” he called out into the great warehouse beyond the three walls they were in, spit flying from his mouth as he did. Charles wiped his face gingerly as he continued, “What’s going on here?”

A faceless voice from coming from the direction of the director chairs called back, “He’s doing his usual thing. I cut the camera a few minutes ago, don’t worry. I think we have enough b-roll from other seasons.”

“Then why are we still paying these people to be on stage?” He shot back, once again showering Charles’s face in saliva.

“He's usually due for an outburst like this at some point in the season, and this is the least costly he’s had. I just figured I’d let it go for a few minutes” She responded. The director took in a deep breath, exhaled heavily, and took a step back. Still, without breaking eye contact with the now ex-actor, he said loudly, “Thank you all for your work today, you’re all stars, now get off of my set.”

The phrase had become iconic in the daytime television world in a “if you know, you know” kind of way. Merch was sold with it plastered on- it even was quoted on Saturday night live. He uttered that phrase when General Hospital was an idea nearly two decades ago. Back when he could afford either to eat or film and back then, he just chose to be hungry. Now he rarely had to pay for his own meals but he was just as hungry. He had been fully alive and present for the highest of highs and the lowest of lows so when he put his hand, up, on Charle’s shoulder and said, “Talk to me Charles- what’s going on?” He was fully equipped to understand what was coming next. Before Charles could answer, the nurse who he had been speaking with previously cleared her throat. Both men slowly turned to look at her.  She stood a hand on her hip and her head cocked to the side when she said, “I was promised a lead role.”

Both men looked at her for a beat before Charles, still holding eye contact with her yelled, “Stephanie!” The actress wiped the spit off of her face.

“Come speak to me sweetie we'll see what we can do” came Stephany’s voice, now from the snack table.

The actress glared at both men for a beat longer, the tension would have made a non-veteran in the industry buckle. She finally softened her face to a smile and said, “Thanks for having me, I look forward to hearing from you soon.” To further prolong an already prolonged moment, she shook both of their hands and slowly sauntered off. Once she was out of earshot, the director looked at Charles and said in a quiet and exasperated tone, “Actresses!” Both men laughed.

It was the kind of laughter that endured. It endured through decades of a hard industry. It endured multiple divorces and through the heartbreak of loss and the depths of despair. It endured through the cancellation of shows and failed auditions. Their cackling echoed off the walls of the warehouse till both men were blue in the face. Finally, the director caught his breath and Charles’s eyes.

“So you done for real this time?”

“No, I’m just tired” replied Charles heavily.

“Me too pal, me.too.” He said.