The girl who doesn't get the guy

I´m the girl who doesn't get the guy. I know that for sure, I´m the nerdy goofy girl that sits in the front row and it's the teacher´s pet. I´m the girl that the “cool” guys bully. I´m the girl who gets compared with her sister and loses at everything. I´m the girl who prefers reading on a Friday night instead of going out. I´m the girl that only has one real friend. I'm the girl who doesn't fit in. I´m the girl who is in love with her best friend and has no chance with him because I'm the girl who doesn't get the guy.

I´ve always been that girl and I´ve learned to accept it. Because even though most people don't like me, I like who I am and how I am, there is no way I'm changing myself to “fit in” or be liked by others, cause I´m not interested. I know that the people that stay with me, are the ones that are worth it, so that's the reason I'm very cautious with my relationships. I’m hopelessly in love with this guy and don’t know what to do with it, settle for just having her this way, or risk it all for more? I don’t think I dare to risk it, I’m me, she’ll obviously reject me, and honestly, I don’t think I can recover from that.

The most important person in my life is him, my best friend. It has always been difficult for me to explain what he makes me feel. Around him I can't concentrate on anything else but him; His gorgeous blond shiny hair, that glorious blue ocean eyes with a tint of light green, his perfect smile that makes me crazy, that smile that makes all my senses shut down, that smile that is so special it only appears from time to time, but when it does, it just blows me away, that smile that sits on those almost pink lips that I can only dream to kiss. Those big manly veiny hands that I just wish could touch me. He and his sense of humor make me laugh nonstop, his mystery, always not telling something so you have to beg him to tell you, his way of making you feel so special that I can't understand how he does it. 

He is the best friend anyone could dream of, his always there for me, well almost always, because in those moments that he is the one “hurting” me I can't go to him, cause for that, for that I would have to tell him what I feel, I would have to tell him that he is everything to me and that I love him. But I'm not that brave, I just can't risk the friendship, I know he'll reject me even though he loves me, just not in the same way that I do, and yes that hurt, but it is what it is.

While all these thoughts are in my head he's walking me home from a friend meeting we were in, yes he's that guy, the guy that walks me home so he knows I got there safe. I feel the need to look at him, as always, but I know I can´t, it is not my place to do so, because he's just my friend and I know he will always be just that, but I don´t know if I´ll be able to settle for just that. Is it wrong for me to want more? To need more? I want him to be mine, I want to have the right to look at him whenever I please, I want to hold his hand while we walk, I want to caress his hair, I want to kiss him, god I want to kiss those lips so badly, those lips that I know so well from sight but not at all from taste, I want to taste them right now, and every single time I see him, I want him, I want so much more than just a friendship.

Suddenly we hear thunder, we look at each other and we know it's about to rain. There is nothing in this world that I love more than rain, so I instantly smile. He, as he knows me more than I would like, smiles too,  because he knows this makes me very happy. The fact that he smiled at me only because he knows this is going to make me happy is one of those million details that he always does to me that just makes my heart stop because of how fast it is beating.

-” Hey, are you ready for this?”

I honestly don't get what he's talking about, but just when drops start pouring he grabs my hand and trolls me into the drops. I can't hide my big smile, this is just amazing, I'm alone with my favorite person and it's raining. I see him smile so big I haven't seen that ever in him, even laughing, looking up at the ski and troweling with his arms up. I can't help my heart skip a beat, I've never seen him so happy. I can't believe I'm living this moment with him. That smile just couldn't be more genuine, and I am so grateful I was here to witness it.

-” Isn't this amazing?”- He asks 

-” The best!”

–” I´m so happy I´m sharing it with you”

These are the things, the comments he throws at me all the time, my heart melts, how can I not fall in love with him like this?

Just as he said that he was coming closer to me and his big smile was disappearing into a small cute smirk and a gaze I just couldn't resist from this distance. I´m way too nervous so I have to ask.

-” What are you doing?”- I whisper 

He strongly grabs my waist with both hands and pulls me closer to his body till they´re touching almost completely. Our faces are way too close and I'm freaking out because I have no idea what's about to happen. Is he going to kiss me? No way, he wouldn't, would he? Looking up at him trying to read his eyes for a hint of what he's doing I can't find anything but the beautiful clips that make his eyes shine brighter than stars, and I thank god because he's holding me, otherwise I would fall to the ground. 

He lets me go and grabs my hand to put them behind his neck, I couldn't be more confused but he grabs my waist again, and this time I fill theme there, I just can't explain what they make me feel because I have no idea what is happening and I don't want to get my hopes up.

 -” We're dancing”- He whispers back breaking the silence

I want to let go of the burden and tension in my body. We are dancing in the rain, no music is needed. We have nature by our site and our thoughts to accompany us. Except mine is a big mess, How could I've been so dementedly stupid to think he would kiss me? Yes, dancing with him in the rain and being this close is probably the best thing that has ever happened to me, but I wish there was more, I do wish he would have kissed me, it was the perfect moment, but he didn't. I really can't believe I thought he would, how insane am I to even think about it? I'm the girl who doesn't get the guy. There's just no way in the world he would want to be with me, he loves me, but just as friends. This is the most romantic thing that has happened to me, except it is not romantic because he did not intend it that way, and I understand, I do, I just lost it for a minute there, it won't happen again, I swear. How can I forget? I'm the girl who doesn't get the guy.