13 Ways to Come Back to Life

**Sensitive Content Warning**

Grief & Loss

New Year’s Resolutions

1. Learn to Breathe Again

I’m not sure when I stopped.

But somewhere between the end and happily never after, I stopped breathing.

I fear I’ve forgotten how.

I fear that when I begin again, I will break apart at the seams. 

Isn’t breathing painful?

The oxygen is suffocating.

But they tell me it’s vital to my survival…

Assuming that is my goal. 

It is. 

I think.

Maybe I can start small—one breath at a time.

Inhale.

Exhale.

2. Piece My Heart Back Together 

There are shards everywhere.

The jagged pieces litter the ground at my feet, broken beyond recognition.

I’m sure I’ve stepped on some… 

Grinding them to dust underneath my shoes.

And I’m pretty sure you took some pieces when you left.

I can’t even follow you to get them back. 

How can I piece together a heart that isn’t whole? 

I’ll just have to tape the pieces together the best that I can.

The cracks will be visible.

Scarred.

Evidence of a heart that’s been broken beyond recognition.

But with enough glue, maybe I can get it to stay put this time.

3. Escape the Voices

One day, when I was at my loneliest, they appeared. 

A low hum in the farthest recesses of my mind.

They’ve been my constant company ever since. 

As long as they keep talking, I don’t have to think.

I don’t have to feel.

They’re a shield between me and the enemy living in my head.

But sometimes I wonder what the silence would be like. 

Sometimes I even long for it.

Their chatter is growing too loud.

I can’t hear my own thoughts.

But what if the silence is just as deafening…

4. Live in the Light

This darkness is overwhelming.

The shadows are all-consuming. 

But I fear that the light will burn. 

I fear that the sun will reduce me to ash, and I’ll be swept away on the wind.

The shadows offered solace when the light was too blinding. 

They offered a quiet solitude where I could tend to my wounds.

But what if it’s no longer enough?

Life needs light to grow.

I need light to grow.

Maybe I can ease back into it…

Step into the sun for a moment at a time, but never long enough for it to burn.

5. Overcome My Fears

It’s safer to hold on tight to my fears.

I can’t get hurt if I don’t take chances.

It’s safer if I just remain cautious. 

Stay back.

Never cross the line.

But they tell me that’s no way to live—scared of my own shadow.

I’m afraid they may be right.

See? 

I’m even afraid of that.

But maybe I could be brave…

Just this once.

6. Ask for Help

I know this could be beneficial for me.

There’s a voice of reason who tells me I can’t do this alone.

I don’t have to do this alone.

But I’m embarrassed.

I don’t want anyone to know.

They can’t know.

They can’t see me like this…

At my weakest.

But it’s so lonely here all by myself.

Maybe I can find just one person who will listen.

Maybe I can find just one person who will help.

7. Get Some Sleep

I know I haven’t left my bed in weeks.

But I’ve still been avoiding sleep.

That’s when you haunt me.

The moment I lost you…

My heartbreak plays on a loop every time I close my eyes.

But I long for a sweet, dreamless sleep…

The kind where my soul can find rest…

The kind where you can’t find me.

But I think sleep may do me some good.

Maybe I’ll try tomorrow.

8. Start Taking Care of Myself

Somewhere along the line, I let myself go.

I stopped caring. 

Why bother when I have nothing left?

But maybe a shower can wash away the cloud that’s hanging over my head.

Maybe a hot meal can chase away the cold that’s settled into my bones.

Maybe some fresh air can breathe new life into my soul.

But honestly, that all sounds exhausting.

I’m weary.

Maybe I’ve forgotten how to go through the motions.

But maybe I can fake it ‘til I make it.

9. Think Positive Thoughts

I’m positive I don’t want to keep making this list.

I’m positive that I just want to turn the lights off and go back to playing dead.

I’m positive…

That maybe…

Maybe it is time for a change.

Maybe I can find some good in the world again.

But it’s a world that doesn’t have you in it.

And that’s not a positive thing.

Maybe I can find the things that you would have loved.

You always found so much joy and positivity in the world…

And lord knows I could use some more of that.

10. Be Thankful

It’s hard to be thankful when bitterness has poisoned me.

Where I once found joy, I only see rotten fruit.

I lost everything…

My reason for being. 

Nothing else matters when the most important thing is gone.

But this morning, the birds’ songs didn’t seem so sad.

The flowers outside my window didn’t smell so rotten. 

The sun didn’t seem so blue.

I suppose I can be thankful for that.

11. Get Out There 

I’ve forgotten what life is like beyond these four walls.

I couldn’t bear to see people happy after you left.

So I shut myself away and invited the darkness to swallow me whole.

Are people still living like the world didn’t end?

Because my world still hasn’t started spinning again.

Is there still a life waiting for me outside my door?

Am I strong enough to face it?

Assuming I even want to face it.

I suppose it’s time.

You’d tell me to get back out there.

You’d tell me to quit wallowing.

For you.

I’ll do it for you.

Not because I want to. 

12. Watch the Sunrise or Sunset

As long as I’m getting out there, I might as well enjoy a sunrise…

Or sunset.

You always loved them.

You said that sunsets reminded you that endings can be beautiful.

And I suppose a sunrise is a good opportunity to begin again.

Sounds like something you would say.

You always were a sappy one.

If I go, will you join me? 

Will I find you painted across the evening sky?

Will I find you kissing me good morning with the rising sun?

Maybe I’ll have to go to find out…

13. Let Go

This may be the hardest of all.

“Just let go,” they say…

“Just move on,” they say…

Like it’s so easy to do.

I want to see them give it a try—freefalling.

I don’t want to spiral. 

I’ve never enjoyed the wild rides.

And if I spiral, I’ll puke.

But maybe true freedom is found in letting go.

Maybe this is how we both find peace.

Maybe this is how I come back to life…

By letting go.