See You in my Dreams

"Can you keep a secret?" Mina leans towards me, pin-straight hair curtaining her face. She stares directly into my eyes, so close I can see the constellation of freckles framing her moon-grey eyes.

She grins conspiratorially, not allowing for an answer. I wait, letting her have her moment.

Her eyes dart to the side, as if to check that no one is nearby. Voice dropping to a whisper, she breathes, 'I'm running away to LA.'

For as long as I could remember, this had been Mina’s dream. LA was where it was at, she would tell me, where she would launch an acting career and have a celebrity fall in love with her and make a . It was, apparently, where she could finally be happy, where no one would be on her back about the things that didn't matter. 

“What about Rosebery?” I blurt. What about me? 

It was the wrong thing to say. There were days Mina would come to school with shadows underneath her eyes, hair scraped back so tightly against her scalp I could see veins like train tracks crisscrossing her temples. I imagined it was her way of shielding herself, as if the pain it caused would override any other emotion she was feeling. 

She leans back, narrowing her eyes. “I wouldn’t miss it, that’s for sure.” I open my mouth, but then pause mid-breath. Home was a touchy subject, and I don’t have the courage to question her. 

I can’t stop the sparks of tiny fires lighting my blood. I let out a harsh sigh, angry that I care so much and she cares so little. But I’m too comfortable in the role of side character to really take hold of the story. Mina raises her eyebrows, and already I can read her unspoken words. About to throw a hissy fit, Roo? I shake my head. It’s nothing. I stare at my nails, chipped neon green, waiting for the pounding in my head to go away. 

Finally, I lift my head, pinning her with a wide-eyed stare. “So you’re leaving me?”

She groans. “Don’t give me that look!” 

I stare at her, bottom lip now pushed out comically until she throws her head back and laughs. “God, I hate your puppy face.”  We share a grin and I hope it is a band-aid against our bleeding friendship, enough to staunch the tension from moments ago. 

“You could come with me?” But either she knows my answer or she still sees the cracks, because then: “I’m just kidding.”

I don’t answer, instead checking my phone. There are two missed calls on my screen, both from my mother, but I decide to ignore that too. 

I look back at her, squinting my eyes from the setting sun behind her head. “So what’s your plan?” 

“Now you’re asking the right questions!” Her hand darts into a small leather purse, fishing a silver card that she shoves into my face. I widen my eyes as I read the name imprinted neatly on the side.

“Are you serious? Mina, this is a ridicu—” “Shhh!” She waves her hand, dismissing my words like a bug on her skin. 

“I know, ok? I know it’s wrong and it’s stupid because she can use it to track me. Yada yada. Save your speech.” She takes a deep breath, reaching for my hands. I pull them back, wary. Undeterred, she smiles, a brilliant and charming smile. At that moment, the sun casts a halo so that her face is illuminated in gold. 

“That’s where you can help me.” It’s my turn to raise my eyebrows.

She talks in a rushed tone, not giving me a chance to interrupt. “Your dad is head of security for the bank. You could steal his keys, let me in at night to make the withdrawal and then leave right afterwards. She wouldn’t even realise until the next morning and by then I would be far, far away.” 

I stand up, dizzy and light on my feet. My laugh has a manic edge to it. “You’ve really thought hard about this, huh?” 

Hope glimmers her eyes. I motion towards the park, and we walk side by side, steps matching a beat only heard by us. Blood pounds my head, and dimly, I wonder if perhaps it’s because of the iron deficiency. But surely that isn’t the reason why my heart is pumping so fast. Or why my steps quicken of their own accord, chasing an unseen victim. 

Mina bumps my shoulder. “So, you’re in?” I can hear the smile in her face, and I imagine she’s making a mental list of what to pack already. My hands are shaking, but the words spill out of me anyways.

“Don’t be stupid.” She jerks to a halt. The sun has set fully now, and it’s as if someone is soaking their paintbrushes in the sky. Vibrant colours have quickly dissolved into murky grey. The wind picks up, but it’s not the cold that sends goosebumps down my arms. 

I continue speaking, hearing myself like the feedback on a phone: “I’m not in. I don’t care how you get to LA, but I’ve had enough of you thinking this is okay.” Still, I’m dancing around the real issue, fearing that I’ve gone too far. 

Mina is shaking. Tears lining her eyes, she shakes her head, confused. “What do you mean?” It’s infuriating, seeing her slipping into a role so easily. I let out a harsh breath, and with it, see this for what it is: our final act.

“Goddamn it, Mina, everything! The fact that you think it’s okay to use me! The fact that you’re committing a crime and want to involve me and my family in it!” I pant. “You and I both know this idea won’t lead to anything good.” My tone softens. “You can’t just run away from everything.”

I cringe, the words leaving an acidic aftertaste in my throat. I know I’ve crossed a line, that there’s nothing left to heal this bleeding friendship. Next to me, Mina is silent. 

Then: “I’m leaving tonight.” Her voice is just above a whisper, but it brooks no argument. Her eyes are beseeching, and I nod, hoping she reads the apology in my eyes.

“Don’t worry." I answer, mustering one last grin. "I wouldn’t have anyone to tell, anyways.” In the darkness, her freckles have disappeared. Only her eyes glisten, steely and cold as the moon.

She is gone in the next moment, as quick as the remnants of a dream.