I WAS GOING TO CHANGE

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I WAS GOING TO CHANGE!           Mary Cahill Kurpiewski

It was the day I was going to change! It was my chance--my chance to change! This was my chance to become a new person. This opportunity isn’t usually presented to everyone. I had the perfect scenario. It was my chance to have a new image--my chance! I was going to change!

My husband received a job transfer from the East coast to the West. We were getting a new home, new neighborhood, new friends, new schools, new furniture, new everything. Things were going to change for us and I was going to change along with them!

I found myself faced with an opportunity I just couldn’t resist. I was going to change! This move of 3000 miles away from my home of 33 years, Philadelphia to San Jose, California could be a new beginning for all of us, but especially me. Aside from the sadness of leaving my family and friends, jobs and habits and the problems that go along with such a transition, I tried to look on the bright side. Sunshine would be available every day. There would be no humidity, no hurricanes, no snow. My life without bursitis from the cold and the dampness, the graffiti on the city walls, traffic jams, bare trees in winter and humidity in the summer--we were going to find our way to San Jose. A definite change for us and I was going to change!

It was my opportunity to try and alter some of my ways. I was going to change! I was going to a place where nobody knew me. Not one person had ever laid eyes on me. Nobody had any idea what I was like. There wasn’t one person out there who knew that I was grouchy six days a week-not one person who knew I didn’t like dogs or cats-nobody who knew I had more junk drawers than usual-and no one knew I sometimes wore my jeans three days in a row. There was not one relative who knew I used canned tomato sauce in my famous “homemade” spaghetti recipe or that I, once in a while, swept the dust under that kitchen throw-rug. And, miracle of miracles, there wasn’t one soul who knew I sometimes bounced checks! It was sort of like that universal feeling you got in grade school when you cracked open a new copybook and resolved how neat and different you were going to write this time. A new beginning was on my horizon. I was going to change!

Maybe my new image could be a part of all the people I cared for in my life; my loving relatives and close friends. It could be sort of like a “Dr. Frankenclone!”. I was going to change! I had to make a list. Having a gigantic family of wonderful examples is a chore. Maybe I could have the innocence of my little sister, Betty, who had Downs Syndrome;  the lovable forwardness of my sister-in-law, Jean; the wisdom of my good friend, Mr. Magill; the quiet sweetness of my cousin, Sr. Miriam Denis, the nun;  the niceness of my sister, Dot, mother of 16; the meekness of my mother-in-law; the congeniality of my brother, Bill; the sweetness of my sister, Lal; the ambition of my brother-in-law, Joe; the wit of my brother, Tom; the smile of my sister-in-law, Jill; the kindness of my girlfriend, Bonnie; the organization of my sister-in-law, Maryanne; the generosity of my Dad; the child-like love of God of my former 4th grade students; the neatness of my sister-in-law, Bonnie; the homemaking talents of my sister-in-law, Helen; the persistence in completing tasks of my father-in-law; the humbleness of my brother-in-law, Anthony; the charitable spirit of my late mother; the good nature of my brother-in-law, Bill; the gusto of living of my brother-in-law, Vince; the spirit of good friendship of my brother-in-law, Harry; and last-but not least-the empathy of my wonderful husband, Ron;  I thought I should keep my own cooking talents. I was going to change!

It sounded fantastic! I was going to be  wonderful; nobody would be able to resist my charms. I was going to be a completely different human. This was a great plan. (If I could just remember all the talents--all the time!) I was going to change!

Somewhere it happened between the beginning of our trip in Ohio and more towards the west, like Nevada or was it between the popcorn in the desert, the passing of gas in Missouri or the iced tea in snowy Colorado? I don’t recall exactly when I decided to break this phenomenal news about the new ME to my wonderful husband, Ron--the good news that I was going to change!

I was a little nervous not knowing if I would sound as authentic as I meant to be. I wanted my speech to sound as serious as I felt this new me was going to be. I was going to change! I wanted my sweet husband to realize I meant every word and every resolution. 

I started out by saying that I wanted to talk about myself! He looked into my eyes and said that he wanted to say something about me first. He told me that he had been thinking about what a wonderful person he had married and how this trip and the continuing trip through our lives, sixteen years, so far, was made possible because of the kind of person he had married. He went on to praise my skills as a mother to our fantastic four children. And then the words that threw me most--”Don’t ever change; I love you just the way you are!

After wiping away the tears, I explained the now-silly idea of mine. He glanced at me with a loving look  and said, “Well, maybe just the part about the bounced checks?!!”

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LOOKING FORWARD---Forty years after that trip, I’m still ‘me’ and thank the Lord, 

I didn’t change! My husband still loves me! (even with an occasional bounced check!)

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