Contest #152 winner 🏆

Foretold in Smoke

Submitted into Contest #152 in response to: Set your story in an oracle or a fortune teller’s parlor.... view prompt

143 comments

Drama Fiction Urban Fantasy

Content Warning: Mild foul language


Marie S. 5/5 Stars

Vivienne is incredible! My life has completely changed since my visit. It’s like a light came on and she’s somehow unlocked all this hidden potential. She’s the best, seriously just go. Call today!

Bradley J. 5/5

Worth every penny. Highly recommend.

Kevin R. 5/5 Stars

I never thought I’d come to a place like this, but when I was at an all-time low, I just needed someone to tell me if life was worth sticking around for. I wanted to know if it ever got better. Vivienne made me believe that it would. She told me true love was right in front of me, and now I’m dating my best friend and am the happiest I’ve ever been. She’s the real deal.

Linda K. 5/5

Vivienne showed me the most beautiful future and now I am not afraid to go after my passions. Life changing.


I know your type. You’re all the same. You come to me, seeking something you believe life has withheld from you. Desperation hangs on you like a garment; you wear insecurity like a second skin. You shift and fidget in my doorway, hoping no one will recognize your car in the street and spread the word that you’re seeking wisdom from a godless heathen and her crystal ball. Yet, here you are.

My polished greeting pulls you a few steps closer into the dimly lit room, where you stare at the artwork on the wall, trying to decipher its abstraction. You fumble over a compliment when I admit I painted it myself. Your nose twitches at the cloud of earthy smoke hanging in the stagnant air, and your ear tilts toward the sharp plucking of unfamiliar instruments—music trilling softly from a hidden speaker. The sound is heady, exotic, and makes the hair on your arms rise. The caricaturistic experience you expected is something different—its alive, sacred, and it smells like singed aloeswood.

I sense the conflict within you—to stay or to flee, to grasp hold of your future and drag it into today, or to return to life as normal and submit to the natural process of discovery. You twist and wring your hands, afraid you’re damning yourself, or cursing your bloodline by setting foot in this den of witchcraft, or whatever it is they’re calling it these days. But I am no one to fear; I am a respectable businesswoman. But you must make your own choice, so I remain silent, waiting for you to remember whatever it is that brought you here.

At last, you move. You approach me like I am an oasis in the desert, doubting what you see, but desperately wanting it to be real. You are afraid to ask, afraid of the answers. I sense your struggle; I see your soft heart, your goodness and warmth, your suppressed potential suffocating under self-doubt. You are afraid to know what lies ahead because you have grown comfortable letting life rush by you. It is a river, coursing where it wills, and you are a leaf at its mercy. What I tell you will alter the course of your life, not because the words on my lips drip with inherent power, but because you will believe them. 

You are the river. You are the force that cuts a path through the unknown, that courses where it wills. You are a rush of life, pure and sweet, with the power to shape and form and forge your own future.

My gift to you is no parlor trick, my predictions are not conjecture; I simply tell you what you are, and what to look for, and you will find it every time.

I do not spin the threads of fate, but occasionally, I give the threads a gentle pluck.


***


Jim B. 1/5 Stars

Filing a police report. This woman is a scam artist.


Maurice W. 1/5 Stars

Waste of time and money. Basically told me my life was going to shit. Real downer. And the incense smelled like burnt hair.


Bryson D. 1/5 Stars

This is why I don’t trust hippy-dippy, twinkle-dust, voo-doo garbage. Creepy art, obnoxious music, and some old hag just getting off on telling people how terrible their life is going to be. And no refund policy? Well, f*** you.



I know your type. You’re all the same. You come to me, seeking something you believe life has withheld from you. Arrogance hangs on you like a garment; you wear disdain like a second skin. You burst through my doorway, ignoring the closed sign in the window, insisting you just need a few minutes from this crazy lady and her crystal ball.

Your eyes adjust to the dimly lit room, and you squint at the artwork on the wall. You recoil, unsettled by its abstraction: its unorthodoxy disgusts you, makes you squirm. You cover your nose and cough against the cloud of bitter smoke hanging in the air, swishing your arms like an aggravated primate. The twanging of unfamiliar instruments rises above the silence, warbling from a hidden speaker. The sound is eerie, foreign, and makes goose-flesh ripple across your arms. The stock-image experience you anticipated is something altogether different—it’s alive, sinister, and it smells like fire.

I sense no hesitation within you—you have come to grab the future by its horns and demand it bend and submit to your desires. You are impatient with life’s natural process of discovery and want to know what obstacles lie ahead on the path on which you’re blindly running. There is no fear of the consequences of knowing, no regard for how it will change the now. You want answers, and you will have them. You claim a chair and wait, twisting and wringing your hands impatiently until I join you across the small table.

You watch me like a stray dog you think might bite, your jaw set in defiance against anything you’re prepared to reject. Because you don’t want the truth. You want to be immersed in shimmering nonsense, to stretch out your palm and receive a shiny token of fabricated tales, to be placated by promises of a glowing future. I sense your coldness, your heart of stone, your resentment of everything that stands in your way. What I will tell you is the truth, and the truth will unfold as I tell it—not because I have cursed you, not because I am a she-devil hiding under beads and bangles, but because you are a curse to yourself. And you know it.

You are rot—an infection that will spread across all your days. Everything you touch will wither and die, and you can only blame yourself.

My words are not a hex on your soul, I don’t speak out of malice; I simply show you what you already know.

I do not spin the threads of fate. I have no blade to sever their fibers.

But occasionally, I test the threads and hold a flame beneath the strands to watch and see what burns.

July 02, 2022 02:43

You must sign up or log in to submit a comment.

143 comments

Suma Jayachandar
15:02 Jul 08, 2022

Congratulations on the well deserved win, Aeris! It was overdue.

Reply

Aeris Walker
15:25 Jul 08, 2022

Thank you very much, Suma. You are so kind 😊

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Kelsey H
11:22 Jul 08, 2022

I thought this was a clever way of telling the story, the different reviews and the reactions to each, the repetition with each section while still being unique was really powerful. Your writing is really beautiful and poetic too, love reading it.

Reply

Aeris Walker
11:36 Jul 08, 2022

Thank you, so much Kelsey! I really appreciate you taking the time to read and leave your feedback 😊

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Carolyn Brown
04:32 Jul 08, 2022

The truth can be so generous or so cruel! I really like your character, the way she lurks in the shadows making minute adjustments to see what happens. She obviously has her moral compass aimed right despite the temptations that come with the job. But mostly I love the idea of being your own river, the diligent power that carves its own course. Those sentences could be an inspirational poster, or whatever you'd call that on the Facebook equivalent (that's actually meant to be a compliment). It's a wonderful thought.

Reply

Aeris Walker
09:19 Jul 08, 2022

Hi Carolyn! Thank you for reading and leaving your thoughts, I really appreciate it :) And thank you for that compliment, I know just you mean. Maybe like a little inspirational “meme” you see online. I enjoyed your story this week too! Great job.

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Susan Dalziel
10:16 Jul 07, 2022

Really interesting how this story is set, two types of approaches and outcomes, very effective. Love the reviews, great way to pitch the story. Great atmosphere too.

Reply

Aeris Walker
19:01 Jul 10, 2022

Thank you so much! ☺️

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Cecilia Maddison
11:23 Jul 03, 2022

Hello Aeris, Beautiful symmetry here, like the figure on a playing card. The voice of this godless heathen is crystal clear, and I love that essentially she just tells the truth. A very clever take on this prompt.

Reply

Aeris Walker
00:35 Jul 04, 2022

Thank you so much—I love that imagery of the playing card, great way to describe the symmetry 😊 I greatly appreciate you taking the time to read and comment.

Reply

Cecilia Maddison
15:51 Jul 08, 2022

Congratulations! 😊

Reply

Aeris Walker
16:17 Jul 08, 2022

THANK YOU! And congratulations to you on the shortlist—that story was so wonderfully written.

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Russell Norman
10:42 Jul 03, 2022

Love the strong voice. Love the story telling. One minor point, suspect a typo... "It is a river, coursing where it wills, and you are leaf at its mercy".

Reply

Aeris Walker
12:11 Jul 03, 2022

Thank you, Russell! Ah, good eye! Crazy how we can still miss something no matter how many times we read back through it. :)

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Reedsy | Default — Editors with Marker | 2024-05

Bring your publishing dreams to life

The world's best editors, designers, and marketers are on Reedsy. Come meet them.