Are You With Me?

The trip to the winter cabin was a long-standing tradition in her family, going back too many generations to keep count. She loved it all the same. 

Until now.

What once was a trip full of laughter, warmth and love was now cold, bitter and lonely. She used to find joy in going there every winter with her husband of five years... but that joy was long gone now and she trudged up the weathered, creaky porch steps by herself and approached the door, unlocking it and giving a mighty shove to force the stiff wood open.

She stepped inside slowly, dragging a small amount of fresh snow into the property with her, which she quickly kicked back outside and slammed the door behind her.

“Cabin sweet cabin,” She crooned sarcastically as she flicked the light switch and peered into the freezing, scarcely furnished living room and joint kitchen. “I’d best get some heating on and a fire going before I freeze to death.” 

And get a fire going she did, the flames crackling and popping within minutes, slowly extending its warmth throughout the room as she headed off to turn the heaters on, cranking them up to the highest setting in a bid to rid the cabin of winter’s icy chill.

Once that was complete, her next task was unpacking her suitcase and storing her clothes in the old chest of drawers in the master bedroom—which used to belong to her parents and then her and her husband... now it was just hers she supposed. 

Half way through unpacking, a bouncy tune suddenly filled the air, causing her to jump almost a foot in the air. After coming to the conclusion it was just her phone ringing, she began a frantic search for it, a hand pressed to her chest as her heart pounded against her ribcage.

“Hello?” She asked tiredly.

“Hey, Emily!” Jason—her brother, older by three years and far more annoying; a feature agreed by the entire family—greeted loudly, causing Emily to wince at the ear-piercing tone.

“Why are you calling me, Jay?” Emily said quietly, cutting straight to the point.

“It’s nice to hear your voice too, sis. I actually called to see if you made it to the cabin safely?”

“The road was a little slippy but I made it here in one piece,” she explained, holding the phone between her ear and shoulder as she hung up some clothes in the closet. “It’s beautiful up here with the snow and the mountains. The lake’s frozen over too. I missed this place.”

“And you’re doing okay up there by yourself... without Michael?”

Emily fell silent for a minute, a heavy weight settling in her chest. “I’ve been better but I need to do this... it’s what Michael would’ve wanted. He always really looked forward to this trip.”

“I’m really sorry, Em. I know it’s your first Christmas without him and you probably don’t want to talk about it but I’m here, okay? Any time you need me, just call,” Jason urged, worry creeping into his voice. 

“I know, Jay. If I ever need someone to talk to, you’re the first on my list,” Emily assured him, a tiny smile pulling at her lips. 

“Okay, well, I’ll let you go now. I’m guessing you have plenty of things to keep you occupied.” 

Emily nodded in agreement before remembering he couldn’t see her. “Yeah, I gotta finish unpacking and I was thinking about going for a walk later.”

“Take care of yourself, Em. I’ll call again later,” Jason replied. “I love you, sis.”

“Love you too, Jay.” Emily hung up and tossed the phone on the bed. She quickly went back to her task of unpacking.   ——————————————

Later that night, Emily found herself perched in front of the fireplace, staring into the flames pensively. She stretched out on the soft rug, pointing her feet toward the fire to warm her toes.

Emily moved her gaze down to the album in her lap and smiled fondly as she finished flicking through the photos, remembering when each and every one of them were taken before reaching behind her for the blanket draped over the arm of the sofa. She shook it out and wrapped it around her body.

She rubbed her arms roughly, trying to ignore the sudden wave of cold that washed over her. The floorboards in the kitchen creaked suddenly and she instinctively glanced over her shoulder, she let out an exasperated sigh when she saw nothing out of the ordinary. “Just relax, Emily. There’s no one here but you.”

She turned back around and promptly dropped the album on the floor with a thud as her eyes locked on the dark screen of her TV. A shadowy figure was standing in the doorway behind her, still as a statue. Emily clambered to her feet and whirled around in a panic... only to find the room empty.

“...What the hell?” she breathed in confusion. She shook her head, dragging shaking fingers through her red hair. “I really need to get a grip. There’s no one here.”

Despite knowing logically that she was, in fact, alone in the cabin, Emily went to bed that night with a knife tucked securely beneath her pillow and the light from the lamp on the night stand filling the room with a soft, warm glow. 

——————————————

The next few days passed in a rather strange blur until her second last day at the cabin arrived. She’d chosen to spend the morning and afternoon at her and Michael’s old favourite spot about an hour‘s hike from the cabin. 

As she made the long trek, she couldn’t help but think back over the past couple days and the odd things she’d been experiencing at the cabin. It was mainly little things, like finding objects in different places from where she’d left them, hearing creaks and whispers and seeing dark shadows from the corner of her eye. 

She’d been doing her best to ignore it all, and she was avoiding telling Jason about it as she knew he’d only worry and tell her to come back home sooner if she was so on edge about being there by herself. 

But she didn’t want to go back, not yet anyway. A large part of her felt very reluctant to leave, even if she was feeling nervous and slightly afraid.

The rest of her walk went by pretty quickly and she soon reached her destination. She pulled a few thick blankets from her rucksack and spread them out on the wooden walkway before sitting down, facing the frozen lake and snow capped mountains beyond.

Emily slipped her hand into the front pocket of her bag and pulled out a framed photo. She gently stroked the smiling face of her husband before setting it down beside her.

“I know you’d like it here, Mike. The view‘s as beautiful as ever,” she murmured with a sad smile. “This was always my favourite part of the trip... that, and spending quality time with you, obviously.” 

A light breeze ruffled Emily’s hair and she tipped her head back, letting the cold air sting her cheeks. 

“Emily...”

The red head flinched, twisting around to take in her surroundings. A tall figure was standing by the tree line about twenty feet behind her. She scrambled to her feet and took a step forward just as the person raised a hand and waved once before disappearing into the trees.

“No. That’s not possible,” she whispered, shaking lightly as she watched them walk away. “You’re not here... you can’t be.”

Emily grabbed her belongings, stuffing the blankets and photo back into her bag, zipping it up and swinging it onto her shoulder before she took off running.

——————————————

Emily made it back to the cabin in record time, she sprinted up the steps and slipped inside, slamming the door shut behind her and locked it tight.

She grabbed her phone and dropped down onto the couch, prying her jacket and boots off and dumping them on the floor. 

She frantically dialled her brother’s number and was overcome with relief when he answered after the second ring.

“Em? Is everything okay?” Jason asked, concerned. “I wasn’t expecting you to call until tonight.”

“Jay, I-I saw him,” Emily whimpered, scrubbing a hand over her face. 

“Saw who?” 

“I saw Michael. I was at the lake and I heard his voice and I saw him standing by the trees,” Emily blurted out, heart pounding in her chest. 

Jason was silent for a few seconds before he spoke again, voice gentle and sympathetic. “Em...”

“I know he’s gone, Jay and it shouldn’t be possible but he was there,” she said desperately. 

“What were you doing at the lake  when you saw him?”

“I... I was looking at a photo of him and talking to him,” Emily admitted, feeling slightly foolish. “I heard my name and saw someone by the trees.”

“Em, it sounds like you were just really caught up in the moment and you saw some hiker who looked like Michael,” Jason said gently, ever the logical one. “I’m really sorry, Emily, but Michael’s gone and he’s not coming back.”

Emily felt tears prick her eyes. She rubbed her forehead tiredly. “You’re right, Jay. I’m sorry I bothered you with this, I should’ve stopped to think it over first.”

“Don’t apologise, sis. I’m always here for you, no matter what. Maybe you should come back today, Emily. I don’t think you should stay there any longer.”

“Yeah, you’re right. It was probably too soon to come here,” Emily agreed, letting out a weary sigh. “I’ll go pack now and I’ll call you again before I leave.”

“Take care of yourself, Em. I’ll see you soon, okay? I love you.”

“I love you too.” Emily tossed the phone on the couch after the call disconnected and slumped back against the cushions with a huff. “That was such a stupid thing to do, Emily. You shouldn’t have bothered your brother with something so silly,” she lectured herself, twisting her fingers together. “Michael is not here and he’s not coming back.”

Emily froze as a pair of large hands settled on her shoulders from behind, gently rubbing the skin left bare by her off-the-shoulder, knitted sweater. 

“I’ve always been here,” Michael murmured, his cold touch sending shivers down her spine. “You just couldn’t see me.”

“...Michael?” Emily asked shakily, tears welling in her eyes. She sat perfectly still, afraid of what she’d see if she turned around. “How—?”

“I never left, Emily and I never will.”

——————————————

Emily eventually found the courage to reopen her eyes and when she did, it was to find Michael crouched in front of her. He looked as perfect and lovely as he had before the accident.

“How... I don’t understand,” Emily whispered, the tears finally spilling down her cheeks. “Y-You died.“

Michael smiled, that familiar fond smile he saved only for her, and reached out to touch her cheek. “I did,” he agreed quietly. “But I couldn’t leave you, not like this. Not while you’re consumed by grief and blame yourself.”

“But it’s my fault,” Emily argued weakly. “I was exhausted and I fell asleep behind the wheel and you paid the price.” 

“Oh love, I never blamed you. I know it was an accident,” Michael soothed, curling the fingers of his free hand around her knee. 

“I’ve missed you so much,” Emily said, voice trembling. “I never stopped thinking about you. I love you.”

“I love you too.” Michael leaned in slowly and pressed a gentle kiss to her forehead. He pulled back to look her in the eye. “You need to let go of the guilt, Emmy, it’s not doing you any good. It’s time to move on.”

“But I... how on Earth do I move on from you?” she asked imploringly, staring deep into his eyes. “I love you. It’s always been you.”

“I know but maybe it’s time to let someone else in.”

“I don’t want to let you go,” she protested. Michael chuckled deeply at her stubbornness. He pushed himself up to sit beside her on the couch, wrapping an arm around her shoulders and drawing her into his side. “I don’t want to leave you.”

“So stay here and we can be together... for a while,” Michael offered, stroking her red hair. “But you can’t stay forever, you need to learn to live again, Emily.”

Emily didn’t answer, instead choosing to burrow into him and rest her head on his chest, ear pressed directly over his heart. But it didn’t beat.

It never would again.

——————————————

The next morning, Emily packed her bags under the watchful eye of her deceased husband, listening in fond amusement as he made a running commentary on everything she did.

“You’re still such a goof,” Emily snorted. Michael grinned.

“And you still don’t take any nonsense.”

“Damn straight.” Emily nodded once, eyes lighting up as the room filled with their combined laughter. “...I’m almost finished packing.”

“I know you’re scared about letting go, Em but it’s time,” Michael informed her gently, resting a cold hand on her shoulder. “You’ve punished yourself long enough.”

“It’ll never feel like enough.”

“Maybe,” he acquiesced with a bow of his head. “But the burden will lessen every day, until at one point in the future, you won’t feel it as heavily.”

Emily was silent as she finished packing her bags. She eventually looked up at him with glassy brown eyes.

“Will you stay with me?” she asked lightly, hope creeping into her voice. “Or do you have to go?”

“I’ll be here. For however long you need me,” he reassured her with a gentle smile. 

Fifteen minutes later, Emily’s bags were in the back of her car and she stood on the porch, fidgeting nervously as she tried to find some excuse to remain at the cabin even longer with Michael. Her mind went completely blank as a pair of arms slipped around waist as Michael hugged her from behind.

“I know what you’re doing,” he murmured in her ear. “You do it every time it comes to leave this place.”

Emily sighed in defeat. “You know me too well.”

“Of course I do.” Michael rested his chin on her shoulder. “But you still need to go, Em. It’s time.” 

Emily nodded in determination. She turned in his embrace and cupped his face. “I love you.”

“I love you too. Now go.” He gave her a gentle nudge towards the porch steps.

Emily took a deep breath and headed down the steps, nervous butterflies fluttering around her stomach, even as a small smile of hope spread across her lips. She felt lighter than she had since the accident.

It was time to start living again.