Tommie's Wake Up Call

Tommie’s Wake Up Call

Submitted by Constance N. Tiller

There are times in life when we are at a fork in the road. It becomes evident that what has worked in the past no longer works.  Tommie found herself at this pivotal crossroad. She was shaking her head in distress.

When she was younger the bright beams of possibilities were inviting and appeared to light a path to absolute success.

But unfortunately, poor decisions, regrets and disappointment had had its way in deterring her dreams. Maybe even, over time, it had robbed her of the promising and positive vision that she had daydreamed and hoped for.

She reminisced and wandered through the history pages of her life, mentally flipping through each page. After the divorce. When all the “I Do’s” had been broken, she often found herself lonely. The early shift was her finding herself suddenly a single parent and now she shouldered the day to day demands of parenting. Her world became work and her two beautiful children. Everyday she was fueled by the idea that her two heartbeats deserved only the very best she could give, she knew their survival rested on her. She had made ends meet, she had done all she could to raise her children, she had made sacrifices to care for her parents. Now, this, she was dazed. A pink slip. Her company was closing. She now was without a job and no plan on how to move forward.

As she sat on the couch, she held the notice in her hand, she heard her front door open and close. “Mama”, she heard the sweet voice of her daughter call out. She morphed from hopeless and moping to happy Mom.

She steeled herself, as she knew, soon her son would be bursting in the very same door, shortly after his sister.  

“Yes, dear”, she called out to her daughter.  Her daughter reminded her of herself. Talented at a young age but lacking the confidence to really go for it. She did all she could to ignite the flame of tenacity so that her daughter felt she really did have all she needed to go after her dreams.

“Mama!!” she was bubbling with joy and excitement.

“Oh, Mama, it was great.” She was beaming with bliss. She continued overtalking herself, each word fighting to be the first to get out. “Mama, it was great. Just like you said I was nervous at first, but I could hear your voice cheering me on! I concentrated and slowed my breath, closed my eyes, and I took a deep breath.”

Her mother’s heart flittered with pride as she knew getting the solo part in the school musical was a true desire of her daughter’s heart. Her daughter’s excitement did lift her low spirits. In the moment, like always, she pushed her problems aside, and focused with intent on listening to her daughter’s exhilaration.

Then her daughter stopped, cut off her rambling, and then just let it spill.

“Mama, I got the part!.” She literally was jumping up and down. She and her Mom were hugging, laughing and enjoying the moment.

Then with full force and energy her son burst through the door, bopping like always, “Mama, I nailed it, Ohh!, Mama, on that football field today, I stopped everything that came my way!”

She looked with her heart and was so pleased that both of her children were being rewarded for the hard work that they had both put in to accomplish their goals.

Her thoughts were her own, but she realized her son never missed a beat. It was as if he had an ever-ending breath and his words were one long sentence. “Mama, My coach was so impressed. He kept feeding me plays and he kept hitting me on the back saying, “That’s it, that’s it!”

She didn’t want to let own to her own problems, no, she had to keep her problems suppressed and to herself.

So, for the next few weeks, she hid the problem. Her routine never changed. Tommie would get up, prepare, get dressed, cook breakfast and everyone headed out the door for their day.

Day in and day out, Tommie continued to meet her children every evening to hear all about their day. Sharing with them their concerns, hearing every pivotal moment, absorbing every dilemma they faced. While she listened to their daily debrief, It almost felt like she was in their school right by their side. Walking the hallways. Sitting at the lunchroom table hearing all the tidbits of gossip that was so important to teenagers.

Though reality could not be ignored. She was sitting at home, living the lie that she was too afraid to reveal, she was unemployed and had no plan to recover and move forward.

Suddenly, she had the overwhelming anxiety that it was time to make a change.

She had started college back when she had graduated high school, but, unfortunately she had been derailed, she dropped out, she took the first job she could get.

While she was sitting alone in her living room, the quietness was screaming at her, that’s when she felt almost a bolt of electricity, a jolt. Then, in her mind, a booming voice said “Grow Up”.

Who was she fooling, what was she waiting on? There was no genie in the bottle. She was not going to hit the lottery. For this problem, she had to put the work in. She had to take things in her own hands. Every dream is only a dream until you are willing to put in the work to make it happen.

With that jolt, she was awakened. She started doing her homework. Defining what she had to do to finish her degree. When could she enroll? How could she manage this determination to “Grow-Up.” She realized that beyond her fear, every step she took to better herself today, was only planting seeds of success for her generations to come.

So, with intense determination she formulated a plan. She would do her homework and stop faking her actions.  She did leave the house, she committed to a new job. Her current job was to make a way out of this situation she found herself in. She was on a mission. She knew this was a new beginning. She had been grateful for unemployment payments and for the severance her company had provided. Otherwise, her fake life would have been exposed and she would have been caught up in her lies.

This was her secret mission “Operation – Grow up!”. She smiled at herself.

As she began to prepare for her future, she knew she wanted to step up her game. In her renewed spirit of letting go, she began to look at everything. She began the work to figure out who she was and what she desired in life. She threw out negative thoughts that she had fed herself. They had only served to weigh her down with self-doubt and pity. As she pivoted from her mental clean up. She turned to her closet and continued the process of letting things go. She had started a box. She knew even though they didn’t “fit” her any longer they could still be a gift to someone else.

Today, she had declared, now was her time to be honest. That is what she expected from her children. Today when they entered the door, she would be the one giddy with excitement, bubbling with joy, words running over to share with them her decision and plan, “Operation – Grow up!”.