XOXOXO

X and O were nothing at all alike and they knew it, although maybe it wasn’t completely clear at the beginning.

Language was something that fooled them from the get-go. They both loved learning, thought it was a real common bond. Except it wasn’t. X had selected German, igbo, Malagasy, and Quechua. O preferred to chip away (very seriously, too) at Ukrainian, Portuguese, Turkish, and Had recently reached a decent level of Korean. They thus had only one common language, which could have been Dutch or Bavarian.

Class was an interesting connection. X was from an upper level of working class and O was from upper middle class or maybe the first rung of upper class. However, O was very progressive and talked a lot about workers’ rights, radical things like that. It might have been a match made in heaven, except it wasn’t. Neither X nor O could throw off the trappings of their social origins. It was sad, but true.

Music can be a bone of contention between people, but X and O both enjoyed listening to it. X could play the flute, but was embarrassed to do it in public, because some people thought it wasn’t a cool instrument. O just listened and sang along to songs they knew the lyrics to. X had a nice voice but preferred jazz, so didn’t sing much. X also liked folk music from many countries. O would listen to blue grass, which might be a type of folk music, but drove X nuts. They found it touch and go trying to find a common ground for songs and often ended up with headphones or in different rooms when listening. 

It wasn’t that big of a deal, but occasionally they ruffled each other’s feathers. It wasn’t pretty when that occurred.

Politics. Quite the minefield, as everyone knows. X and O were both very political, but not in the same way. It’s probably better not to get into that, and they knew too that avoiding those discussions was better for their health. We can understand that. Emotions run high in that territory, don’t they?

Religion… it might be better not to try, since both X and O had strong feelings regarding religion. X could rationalize a bit of Christian thinking while O ran when they heard the word. O was the pantheistic sort, it seemed, and would only entertain a religion-themes conversation if it focused on pre-Christian times. Neither one had definite ideas about life after death or reincarnation, which might have been their saving grace.

Food, as might be supposed, was a yes and a no. After all, everyone has to eat, most people like to. X liked exotic, esoteric, exquisite dishes. O was more a fan of the things that were made in large quantities, for a large crowd. Stews, casseroles, thick soups. X could and did eat spicier repasts; O preferred to avoid them. Meals were always an adventure.

A person’s appearance doesn’t matter a whole lot, they say, but just for the record, X was tall and blond, while O was definitely not tall and certainly not blond. They were not night and day, but when people saw them together, they noticed the contrast. However, since this really doesn’t matter, it wasn’t an issue.

Living together brought out skills that complemented X’s skills as well as O’s. Both would take charge of cooking, which they did with consideration as well as difference, negotiating the tastes of each. Cleaning is another task of great importance for cohabitation, although some people like (or are willing) to clean some things more than others. Fortunately - and this word can finally be used - X and O were content cleaning different things. That meant inside the house and out.

Laundry was one common ground, oddly enough. Probably nobody minds putting smelly items into the washing machine and having them come out smelling like lavender, right?

Driving was an odd arrangement. One of them, X or O, didn’t drive although the other did. The non-driver was pretty good at being a copilot but would not use a GPS. That created a conflict or two, but nobody ran off the road or hit a cow.

Grocery shopping - get this - was not an ordeal. There was, however, the fact that X complained about the price of everything while O bought what O wanted and thought X would like to eat. Price was irrelevant. That didn’t mean O was extravagant, just aware that life was short and things like pistachio cream and authentic tapenade were necessary in one’s diet occasionally. Or was it the opposite? X liked to buy, despite price, and O liked to be frugal? Who cares? There were no supermarket wars, at least.

Making and remembering deadlines was much more serious. Suffice it to say one of the pair, X or O, was better at meeting deadlines, but the other (who took on too much, unwilling to say no), always managed to make it to the finish line. So one was neat and timely, the other sometimes late yet very productive. One of them admired the other for their quality.

Here’s another item regarding O and X: teaching. X did best with adults and animals, while O was infinitely more skilled with children. When it came to the elderly, it was a toss-up, something they miraculously had in common. On the other hand, O would have preferred to avoid teaching altogether.

ADD vs OCD is not good. It is quite probable that X had one and O had the other. That can be a horrendous combination, particularly if neither has diagnosed the other. Things happened because of the pairing and nobody needs to know the details, but they weren’t always pretty. The kinks took years to work out. (To be continued.)

It might be time to stop describing and comparing, since, the point must be clear. Opposites do attract. The question is, what happens then? Let’s ask O and X.

Years went by. Slots, grooves, buttonholes, all were beginning to fit, or be worn down until they felt like they did. Probably X and O were feeling the same way. Sometimes you just have to sit and breathe, you know.

Obviously X and O had settled into a place where they could lean and be supported by the knowledge that the other would not destroy them. It was comfortable, that sense of safety. Note that we’re talking about safety, not love. However, it wasn’t easy.

X and O always kept a certain distance between them. They never tried to melt into the other’s arms (pretty corny) and didn’t go around saying I love you (they didn’t know if they even did love each other and really weren’t into soppy stuff). Who wanted somebody breathing down their neck or into their face?

Like lacing up sturdy boots, they thought, without ever saying it out loud. 

Like sanding a surface and applying a sealant, they both thought. No water could seep in, but if it did, it could be fixed. Leaks happen, even in dikes. 

Something started to feel like they were members of a clan rather than individuals. That wasn’t obvious for quite a while, but when they figured it out, solitude was never an issue. They were quite accomplished at it; all that space they owned, inside the house and beyond the walls, was amazing. They could fill their lungs, shout, be as taciturn as each wanted, and laugh at every romanticism or you should thrown their way.

It is really hard to throw old shoes away.

They might have tried to separate, since the space was immense, but discovered they were too tightly bound together by it. That wasn’t just a literary trope, a paradox or something similar. No, the growing silence said it all. Silence and years. 

Time is the best teacher. Time was something they had in common. Time together and time apart. Weeks, months, years, decades. A chain, to some. A lifeline, to others. Maybe in the end that is not something that needs the same language to explain.

X and O finally sat down, and in three or four languages, over very well-prepared but very different dishes, began to discuss what had happened. Fortunately, the dining room table was as big as an ocean and they were sitting on chairs that were many centuries old.

“Not too bad,” said X. O nodded. 

“No, at least we both survived, and that’s not always the case,” O added. It was true. Anger management is a real problem in contemporary society and abuse, especially domestic abuse, is not as tolerated. Of course armed violence is commonplace, but neither X nor O owned a weapon. They were not opposite on that.

X and O, after a dinner conversation that lasted about three or four hours since X was a very slow eater, realized that they would feel better about growing old now. They had figured out that differences weren’t the only thing that made their world go round. They really did need to face time together, one remembering some things, the other remembering others. 

They could make a single whole out of each other’s fragments. They would not mind at all.

Epilogue I

Admittedly, the preceding story might sound like some grandparent’s lecture. It’s not.

It’s also not really an old shoe thing. It is not even the clichéd comfort zone. We need to stop just trying to be comfortable. A little edginess doesn’t hurt; it keeps us on our toes.

Some - we know the type - would see everything (aka life) as being on a team, a kind of having a court or playing field and players who know their positions. Team members know when to dodge, charge, feint, pass, shoot. They know when to move, when to stand still. They can’t play off one another if they are all the same. Coaches know that. Shouldn’t other people?

Epilogue II

There might be fewer divorces if (1) people didn’t get married at the drop of a hat; and (2) we had relationships like we have gardening tasks. We do a better job of divvying those up then sharing the same roof. 

Maybe there’s not a story in all of this, but sometimes it’s better to be upfront about things and tell it like it is, without being concerned about literary quality.

Do opposites attract? Yes, we are all aware of that. They are often failures, and we are all aware of that as well. 

However, when they work, there may be boots, oceans, and many languages to thank.

Think about it.