Summer Solstice Theater

How could a celebration change the way I view myself?

“This anxiety is getting bad the last few days.” My friend sits across from me in our favorite diner looking sympathetic. “Last year was rough, teaching at that intercity school.” The hours and stress were horrendous. "Some clear plans would be nice."

Dave just listens attentively. He is going to give me some kind of advice like “just don’t work”. Sorry, I didn’t have a career in Silicon Valley, have meetings all over Asia and make tons of money. I was a teacher, retired now. Extra income is nice to have.

The server interrupts us. We give our standard orders. Pancakes for me; Dave orders an egg-white omelet. Raising my cup and enjoying coffee, “It’s like feeling something bad is going to happen, but examining my life‌, everything is great.” Part of it is right here. I rub my shoulders and neck.

“You need something to take your mind off whatever it is.” Dave continues. “We live in Las Vegas, for God's sake. You can’t find something here to make you happy?” “There’s entertainment and things to do everywhere.”

Local shows don't interest me. The last thing I want to do is go to the money-sucking ‘Strip’ the hotels even charge for parking now.” In a town where they have slot machines in grocery stores and cosplay characters and EDM types waiting at bus stops, it is ‌ difficult to find something new.

We sip coffee for a while until our breakfast arrives..

Dave looks at me. “One of the meetup groups I am a member of is called ‘New Experiences for Older People’.” “The lowest age to join is fifty; most of our members are around sixty-five like us.” Our next event is the ‘Summer Solstice’ event. It’s not that far from your house.

The meeting place is at Lake Mead Park this Friday.” “If nothing else, it should be entertaining. We are going to do the Summer Solstice Vegas-style."

“The organizer of the group hired a ‘healer’ to preside over the ceremony.” Dave smiles. “No doubt, he is probably a stage hypnotist working on an act.“

It sounds familiar; performers come to town with huge aspirations. After reality hits, they do all these side hustles just to pay the outrageous rents. How many people who had dreams of headlining at the Bellagio ended up doing the circuit at the assisted living facilities?

“Anyway, I’m going,” he adds. “You have a few days to decide. Just look it up online. Remember ‘New Experiences for Older People’. The membership fee is fairly small, but the events cost depending on the experience.

At home, computer open, I find the “New Experiences for Older People’ group. Reading down the page, there's the event.

Begin Anew at our Summer Solstice:

Healer Bob will host and preside over the event at Lake Mead park. Come spend the evening with us, possibly the night, as Healer Bob shows us the magic of the Solstice. Be ready for a new beginning!

Directions: Go to the south entrance and find the small parking lot just down the hill from the park Visitor’s Center. Bring a sleeping bag in case you want to sleep under the stars with the group. Bring water.

Fee: $50.00

‘Bring water.’ They must be stating that for any tourists who plan to attend. ‘Bring water’ in the desert … you might as well say wear clothes.

Link to join the group is clicked and the fee is sent via credit card.

It’s finally Friday evening. The light is just fading. There is a group of about seven of us in the designated parking lot. Dave spots me and gives a wave.

A beat-up white cargo van pulls into the parking lot. Hmm, Arizona plates. If this guy stays; he is going to need a new car. The smoke coming out of the tailpipe will never get past the ‘Emissions Inspection’.

A long haired stranger with exotic eye makeup jumps out of the van. He is wearing something that looks similar to snakeskin, but even at a distance it looks like cotton. Sensible choice.

This must be Healer Bob. The huge lantern he carries looks like one of those fake fireplaces, it flickers in the setting sun.”

Healer Bob greets us theatrically. “Welcome to the Solstice Ceremony. I can feel the spirit of renewal already!” He makes the quick rounds, introducing himself personally, shaking our hands.

Bob points to a spot up the hill. It looks remote enough but just close enough to the park so we don’t have to do a long walk. With Bob carrying his portable fake fireplace, we begin our trudge up the hill.

Each of us carries a sleeping bag and a water bottle.

We reach a flat spot. Behind us are hills leading up to mountains. Down the hill is Lake Mead. It’s peaceful and scenic.”

Healer Bob begins his show.

“Explorers, we gather here to celebrate the Summer Solstice and new beginnings. Please make a circle and we will begin.” We arrange ourselves around the fake fireplace, we leave about a meter and a half or five feet for Bob to move around.

We all sit in the dirt, some sit on their sleeping bags, some lean against theirs. Leaning seems more comfortable to me.”

Much louder this time, “Oh spirits of renewal, come bless our circle of light!” He dances around the fake fire lamp and makes unintelligible sounds. Let the show begin! Adjusting my body to get more comfortable; the show continues.

The amusement of the strangers in the group is evident. Their faces just kind of light up with a smile. Bob continues for about three minutes. Still trying to get more comfortable, I shift around again.

The sun is down now; above, the stars provide the light that they can only bring to the clear dry air of the desert.

“Everyone join in to attract the spirits of renewal. Chant with me. He makes some more unintelligible sounds. It sounds like “Aba Baba Caba Boo!”

We all ‌look amused now and join in heartily. “Aba Baba Caba Boo” repeatedly. Healer Bob keeps dancing around the fire lamp. The darkness accentuates our flickering faces in the firelight.

If Bob is going for a cross between a mystical experience and a show, he is succeeding.

“Aba Baba Caba Boo!” we continue. I almost expect a server to come out of nowhere and take my drink order. “Aba Baba Caba Boo!” My mood lifts.

Bob holds his hands up in a dramatic signal to stop.

He launches into a story of how the spirits of renewal can see into our souls and clear the path for a new beginning. As he walks around the circle, briefly makes eye contact with each of us. His makeup job looks scary in the fake firelight. Is this all part of the show? Dave is off to my side, he appears entertained.

With arms raised high and face toward the stars, “Oh Spirit of Renewal, grant me the magic to cleanse these seekers. Make them renewed again.” Bob then dances around the circle again, muttering those unintelligible sounds.”

Healer Bob stops and peers around the circle. He may be checking to see if his audience is having fun.

“Now I will go around the circle and impart the Spirit of Renewal into your minds so you can go forward.” “This is a cleansing experience!” “Open your mind to the unknown!”

This must be the stage hypnosis part of the show. I have experience with hypnosis and meditate often. Complete relaxation from hypnosis is something to look forward to. Everyone else seems to be having fun.

The brilliant stars overhead, the flickering of the lamp, and the atmosphere Bob is creating all make it easy to forget the closeness of the bustling city and all the stresses that go with it.

Bob sits down in front of the first person. She is a middle-aged lady in comfortable but durable-looking clothes. In the dim flickering light, he speaks to her. His right hand reaches out and places it on her forehead. He continues speaking quietly. Her expression goes slack, like someone in a fresh trance. She holds that expression for about ten seconds. Then she smiles and slumps back against her sleeping bag.

The people sitting on their sleeping bags are rearranging themselves so they are leaning back against them.

Bob goes to the next person, he is an older gentleman, perhaps in his early seventies. Healer Bob speaks to him and places his hand on the man’s forehead. This guy gets a worried look on his face, then, like the lady before him, his face goes slack, he smiles and leans back.

That’s two people resting comfortably with their eyes closed. He continues working his way around the circle.

‌

It's my turn. Bob sits across and stares into my eyes as if he is looking for something. His intense look and weird eye makeup has me focusing all my attention.

“You are here tonight to clear your mind of all that troubles you!”

He reaches out his hand and places it on my forehead. “I impart the Spirit of Renewal! Let it cleanse your troubles!”

My eyes close, and something strong is welling up inside me.

FEAR!

It is heart thumping, mind spinning

FEAR!

My pulse is racing but my body feels immobile!

Frozen in place, my mind races.

A series of images flicker across my mind.

An image of my father chasing me when I was eight, something I did wrong! … The small me being paddled by the principal in second grade because of three missed homework assignments! … Being beaten up by a bully just because he was larger!

The pain and humiliation well up inside me. I feel like I am in two places at once. My prior life experiences of learning through pain march before my eyes like a tragic parade.

Junior High. How humiliating to be the only one to fail a grade!

High school, this is where it all turned it all around.

My sudden and complete defiance of my former life. “I am finished being punished for what others perceive as my failure!”

“Whatever it is, I am going to be the best at it!”

My mind now sees the young man facing the fear of failure and the pain it caused. His declaration of being the best was just a decision to put as much distance between him and the pain of failure as possible.

Turning over a new leaf in high school was difficult. ‌Suddenly, I was brilliant! FEAR!

The ungodly number of hours spent studying at college to try for a 4.0 exhausted me. FEAR!

Marrying my girlfriend; the thought of losing her motivated me. FEAR!

Me, working so hard at my first job in an effort to stand out consumed me. FEAR!

FEAR, FEAR, FEAR.

My entire life has been going from one achievement to another to avoid fear.

That was the last thought of the night.

It is before dawn. Damn, sleeping on the ground is going to cause some aches. My pants are dirty from sitting on the ground all night.

Around me, a few people are sleeping either in or on their sleeping bags. Healer Bob and his props are gone.

In the distance, the lake is ‌smooth. Its surface reflects a reddish color that almost mirrors the sky. I am guessing the sun should top the distant mountains in less than a half an hour, it will be ‌fully light.

I walk toward the lake and the corona of the sun behind the mountains.

Thinking back to last night; the discovery of something that has remained hidden from me for the longest time fills my mind. Most of my decisions have centered on avoiding the pain and fear of failure. Fear has been my motivator all my life.

Success has been abundant to avoid the fear.

The first rays of sun are coming over the mountain. If you have ever seen a sunrise in the desert, it is spectacular. When those small clouds are present, you know it is spellbinding.

The very top of the sun comes over the mountains, and there is an explosion of color in the sky. The clouds are reflecting all colors of pastel. Pink, and blue and yellow predominate. My mind wanders while my body basks in the sunshine.

The meaning of the ceremony comes to me!

To reclaim that fearful part of me I shut off; I need to be open to failure. The difference now is I have the resources and wisdom of an adult.

My ‘renewal’ is almost a command to change my path. Instead of extreme fear of failing, I am going to experience it. I am going to choose to fail at something. I will take the total experience of failure and embrace it, overcome it, love it!

Facing toward the lake and the rising sun, I draw a deep breath. Arms raised, fists clenched, I shout.

“I WANT TO FAIL AT SOMETHING … SPECTACULARLY!”

Lowering my arms, the smile comes. Damn, that felt good.

Walking back up the hill to retrieve my sleeping bag, thoughts possess me.

“I know!”

“I have it!”

“I know what I need to do!”

“I will write something and submit it to a contest!”