It's Mine, but Everything has its Price

Prompt: Your character gets everything they ever wanted-only to realize the true cost.

It’s Mine, but Everything has its Price

Have you ever wanted somethings so badly that you would do anything to get it? How far would you go? How would this compulsion change you? Would it fan the flames of moral decrepitude?  Would there be any way to come back from these overwhelming urges? Listen to my words as I share my story.

There was nothing startling about my childhood. I blended in with the kids on our block.  I had no extraordinary talents and certainly I was not gifted in athletics. I looked like an ordinary kid.  But there was a way about me that allowed me to get whatever I wanted from the neighborhood kids. I always felt that what I wanted I deserved it. In fact, it really did not matter who the person was: friend, or foe. It could be male or female, teenager, or an adult. I would always get what I wanted.

The interesting point was my “mark” (or victim) never realized that I was placing him or her in an unfair advantage. I exhibited such finesse and pseudo empathy my mark never felt the pain of losing whatever it was I was asking for. I had a way with words that mesmerized and captivated the person’s interest. Even my parents never caught on to my manipulations. Perhaps it was because I was an only child and they were insecure in their parenting skills. They always wanted me to be happy because they were fearful of losing me. What helped me to carry on this behavior was simple; I preyed on their fear of losing me. I never let myself get caught and I never, ever flaunted my successes in front of my marks or in public.  No matter what the circumstances, the thing I wanted was mine. The cliché that I would get it by ‘hook or crook” fit my modus operandi. I never had to pay a price, or suffer any consequences.

I knew I had this special talent when I was six years old. Joey, my neighbor and also six, would get together to play assorted games and role play.   I tested the waters the day Joey brought over his new set of army figurines along with some older ones. They were not the cheap molded plastic variety but were cast iron with painted details on them. I took one close look at them and whispered to myself “I have got to have these.” We agreed to play a battle.  The rules were simple. We lined up our solders in a row facing each other. Then each of us took turns knocking them over by rolling a marble at the opposing line.   Every soldier knocked over would be considered captured. Joey was a crummy shot. I, on the other hand, was right on target.  I captured his new set quickly and easily. I said to Joey, “I think the war is over.  It is time we collect our prisoners and go home.” I gathered up his new figurines. His eyes were wide open. Joey protested, “But these are my new army guys! You can’t have them.” I calmy said, “Joey, you agreed to the rules about capture. They are mine now.  You can take your prisoners that you captured. Maybe in another battle you can capture them back.”  I saw the stunned look on his face. So I softened the blow of him losing his figurines by surrendering a few of my old plastic men. At the same time, I said, “Joey these men want to fight for you.  They consider you, their hero.” Hearing those words sent Joey away with a smile.  I learned that day to respect someone’s dignity while robbing them in front of their face.

I honed my verbal manipulation skills in grade school. One would think that someone would realize what I was doing, but since I treated everyone respectfully, no one caught on. In fact, as crazy as this sounds, acquaintances would want to engage me in this type of bartering behavior. Even if it meant at a loss for themselves. They wanted to hear my encouragement, my shallow words of edification. There was one person, however, that took a little extra effort to convince. I had a hard time to develop chemistry between Suzy in eighth grade. One day I discovered from a friend she was having a birthday bash at her house in a week. I had not received an invitation. My response was “I have got to be invited. I will get myself invited.  

So how do I get inside her head?” Whatever I did I had to be discreet so as not to blow my purpose. I shadowed Suzy for a couple of days observing her behavior and the situations that made her happy.  When she was alone, I cajoled her with pleasantries. When we passed in the hallways I cordially smiled. I discretely made sure Suzy saw me when I laid flowers at her desk. Then on the day before her party I confronted her. “I never got my invitation to your party tomorrow. I think it was lost in the mail.” Catching her off guard she said, “Oh, I am sorry. I am not sure if I had invited you.” Dejectedly I said, “Oh, I thought we were friends.”  And then she responded, “Oh, absolutely! You are of course! You are so sweet and thoughtful. I am sorry about the invitation. You do not have to bring a present either.” I chuckled inside. I was applauding myself. I got into Suzy’s head. Victory! Party day came. I arrived bearing no gifts. No sooner had I arrived, Suzy and I snuck away from the party hand in hand. She directed me into a closet in her room. For the next thirty minutes or maybe it was longer, we cuddled, we kissed and she lost her virginity. I got what I wanted and she still respected me afterwards.

The manipulations continued well into high school. I was somewhat awed by the naivete of the older students. I still got what I wanted. I was still empathetic and respectful, but I really had to work at getting bigger rewards.  I patronized some athletes with small favors and cheap publicity to get me dates with friends of their girlfriends and to go with the team on away games.  I encouraged some older friends to use their fake ID to buy me alcohol and sneak me into strip clubs.  The effort to be upfront about being respectful and empathetic was getting harder.  I decided I had to be shrewd, sneaky and an outright liar.  

I was well into my senior year.  My shenanigans had cost me a lot of time.  I lost critical study time. My status as an A student was in jeopardy. My grades plummeted and I was on the verge of sitting on the sidelines of my graduation. I had to resort back to my old charm combining it with lies and falsehoods to cover my sinister intentions.  I was only a few weeks away from final exams in my classes.  I gained the trust of an office administrator who had the responsibility of issuing exams for all of my classes. I thought to myself why would so much power be bestowed on one person?  When the administrator was out of the office, I hacked into the desk computer copying the test files and answer keys for my classes. It was a breeze and no one suspected anything.  I wanted to pass those tests with flying colors, not only to graduate, but to maintain my image as a stellar student. My conniving, thieving, ruthless behavior saved me. I got what I wanted and what I deserved. 

After my high school graduation, my parents amped up their pleas for me to go to college. I built up walls to their requests. I used as many excuses I could to not force me to go. I pleaded that I needed to take a year from scholastic studies. I lied about other students traveling overseas. I threatened that I would join the military or worse join an armed militia overseas. For added emphasis and shock value, I said to them “I’ll hate you for the rest of my life and if I ever have children, you would never seem them.”  I had hardened my heart to their love and concern.  I just wanted to have my college endowment to do whatever I wanted to do. My manipulations were fiendish, but I resolved I was going to get the money and do want I wanted to do. I had stooped so low that now my parents had become my “mark.”

I left my parent’s home much like the prodigal son in the Bible. “One day I will be famous, you’ll see,” I yelled at them as I walked way. They deposited my college money into my account. No sooner when the funds cleared, I vowed never to return no matter how ugly my life would get. I continued to feel confident I could get anything I wanted (and deserved) by putting my mind to it. 

I decided to stay in the town I grew up in until I formulated a plan. I found single room at a low rent motel on the other side of town.  It just so happened one night I literally bumped into someone I knew.  It was of all people Suzy. Apparently, she developed severe self-esteem issues in high school. I guess after her birthday party she became the girl every guy wanted to get to know. Did she still respect me? Yes, she did. She asked me if she could bunk with me offering to pay me a portion of her trick money. She freelanced herself without a middle man so she told me. Given her profession, I opted not to partake of any free services from her. I had already dipped into that well once. Generally, on most days, Suzy would go about her business and I mine.

With my unrestricted lifestyle I deserved some fun. I decided to go rogue and release my inhibitions at a few bars and night clubs. I looked older since I did not shave. Plus, my powers of persuasion aided me in gaining entry and getting drinks.  My revelry continued for days on end. I was not sure how much time had passed since my binge began.  I made my way back to the motel room. Suzy happened to be there. She sobbed that she was short of money to help me with the rent. All she could offer was herself. I unleashed my demon lust upon her. Then, in a nonchalant tone I flippantly said “Paid in full.”

I slowly recovered from my intoxication. The consequences were lasting for several days thereafter. I was surprised and relieved Suzy had not left. She helped me through the ordeal, even after how poorly I treated her. She told me she had a friend who was planning something big that I might be interested in participating.

Suzy took me to see her friend, Buck. He was looking for help on one of his schemes. This guy knew how to play me. He said I deserved something much better for myself.  He said, “You deserve to be a part of something really big. It will change your life. Together we will soar to new heights with adventure and riches only kings have.”   It was at this point Suzy left so Buck could continue his business with me. Buck retrieved a suitcase. In it contained dozens of bags of pills and powder.  Buck said, “This is your rainbow. It will uplift your customers to the clouds and they will shower their money upon you.” I asked him what specifically the pills and powder were. Duke said, “cocaine laced with fentanyl and carfentanyl, a veterinary opioid for large game animals. My customers love this stuff.” I thought this was big. Big and dangerous. My adrenalin kicked in as I thought about the prospect of running and selling drugs.  I really deserve to give this a crack, as I humored myself on my word pun. This opportunity will get me more of the things I want to own. 

Buck outlined my duties. I would run small amounts to the street vendors who would prepay in advance. After calling on a half dozen vendors, I would to return Buck with the cash. Buck then would split the proceeds with me. If I was short in cash, I would lose a substantial amount of my share. I would repeat this until the contents of my case was gone. 

My home base was the room I shared with Suzy.  I had no other place to hide the remaining contents of the case. I figured that Suzy had to know Buck was selling narcotics, so I had to assume there would be some trust with her. What I did not know was that Suzy worked for Buck. He was her pimp and a participant in the drug running. When I was out approaching vendors, Suzy would remove a couple bags of pills and powder returning them back to Buck. One day I saw her acting suspicious around my case. I got the truth out of her.  I never knew exactly how many bags I had at any one time so my count was never exact but I knew I was not getting my fair share of the cash.

I opened my case noting there were only a few bags left. I figured this would be the last run before I met with Buck for the final time.  Buck and I rendezvoused in a back alley near the bowling alley.  I was determined to settle my cash score with Buck.  “I will get what I am entitled to” I said to myself.  That was the same attitude Buck had except his persuasion came at the tip of a knife. Buck said “You owe me big you cheat! You stole from me my cash, my drugs, and my girl. It is time for you to make amends with a blood donation. Give me the case.” Immediately Buck lunged forward at me piercing my stomach and intestines.  The next thing I could recall was falling onto the alley way in a pool of my own blood.

In the ambulance I regained consciousness. An oxygen mask was applied to my face and the paramedic was frantically applying pressure to my wounds while inserting an IV into my arm. I waivered in and out of consciousness. I thought maybe I was hallucinating but I recognized Joey as the paramedic.

After a few hours at the hospital, I was stabilized. Thankfully, no internal injuries and after a few pints of blood, I was sutured up. The paramedic I saw was indeed Joey.  He came to talk to me. “You were slashed from your neck to your navel. It is amazing you survived and did not bleed out. A homeless man found you and got help.” He continued, “When I knew you as a kid, you always wanted to get your way.  I think you had your sights on being famous someday.  Well, this attack will put you front and center on the news headlines.” Joey continued on and I had no choice but to listen to his preaching. “It seems like you got everything you ever wanted.  You got the girls, you got the grades, you got admiration, you got adventure, you got my metal soldiers, and now you are going to be famous. Was it worth it? Look at yourself. What did it cost you? Your friends? Your parents? People trusting you? Almost your life?”

The pain from my wound was throbbing.  Joey held me spellbound with his chastisement. I said, “you are absolutely right.  I nearly died a few hours ago.  Had not the homeless man sought help, this might have been my deathbed confession.  My life is a total sham based on my lies and dishonesty with other people. I am so sorry for all of this.  This is never what I really wanted. I just wanted to be loved. I wanted to be cherished. I wanted to be significant.”

Joey looked into my eyes deeply. He said, “You do not have to go far to find that special someone. No matter what you have done in your life there is one Person who forgives you for all your failures and wrongdoing. He asks that you accept His unconditional love and forgiveness by what He did two thousand years ago. He was an innocent man, the Son of God, who died an excruciating death on a cross and then rose from the dead. Believe in Him and you will be saved from yourself, your wickedness, and your sinful desires. His grace is free for the asking.”

Joey then asked me to pray with him this prayer, “Heavenly Father, I believe You sent your only Son, Jesus Christ, to die for sinners like me. I believe He rose again from the dead for the forgiveness of my sins. I am heartily sorry for my sins and I sincerely repent of them. Cleanse me and I will be whiter than snow. Send the Holy Spirit into my life that is the agent of change in my soul. In Jesus’ Name I pray, Amen.”

What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body that is subject to death?  Thanks be to God, who delivers me through Jesus Christ our Lord! (Romans 7:24-25, NIV)

NIV=New International Version

Author: Pete Gautchier

Acknowledgement: Reedsy Prompts