SNAP, CRACKLE AND POP

Snap, Crackle and Pop

This is a bit of an affect that is spinning into an, effect. It’s a roller coaster that is up and down and all over, the place(s). It’s all about the letters.

I talked to Candy today about the picture box for Jenny. There were quite a few scattered pics. Jennifer’s side of the family, that is partially mine too. Like pics of grandma and grandpa. My grandfather liked photography. There are a lot of negatives. They are separated in different envelopes marked with the place and date. My grandparents traveled after my grandfather retired. Europe, Egypt, Israel. Alaska and Arizona. Arizona before, they moved there. They must have been visiting us. I was young. Lol.

Dunsmuir…

Duns-manure.

These are for sure going to get mailed to Aaron. I would like to hear about some of these, but not anytime soon. I’m busy. She has been listening to Blondie. Out comes the man from Mars. Next week Amy is getting more tattoos. Yippie! She isn’t looking forward to the pain though. Her last experience was not in the slightest, very comfortable. The artist was an asshole.

So today, Amy and Jason went grocery shopping. Amy was irritated and Jason was disagreeing with everything. She was hungry and the store was packed.

Perfect time to turn around and go home.

The sun is shining through the gold sheer curtains. It’s pretty. The living room looks nice from this direction. She has things hanging on the walls and stuff spaced out to where it doesn’t clog her brain. Nothing from the ceiling.

Yet…

They are going to paint the ceiling. Who knows when that will happen. Jason has no idea of Amy’s plans. Maybe she’ll tell him tomorrow after work. Tonight she needs to clean the house. It’s 11:11 pm. Est. 3/7/24. I’ve been catching that a lot lately. I wonder what it means. Leroy told me that someone that loves you is thinking about you.

Bleh.

Sounds like a pick-up line from a single old, man.

Whatever.

333.

There are three. That is all it needs.

It’s really neat.

She looked at the clock at exactly the same time yesterday. She wishes she would write it down every time that she sees it. She could write a book. A book of, three. Uk.

Last night the Whitlock's came over for cards. They watched tv. They didn’t come out of the living room, but to leave. We played some euchre. The men won the tie breaker. And then we played Rummicube. Talking, the whole time. Lol. No phones. Well Marcia had hers, Amy never has hers (it’s somewhere) And the boys were both hands free.

Still strange.

Still pisses me off. There is a constant reminder.

He lied.

He was ly-ing. He was playing games. Amy loves games. But she’s done for a while. No more company. All around.

Today Amy started to watch a new show from the background. It is quite, funny. It’s a show that she will definitely enjoy listening to.

Resident Alien.

Cute-cute.

She will watch until the last episode.

Maybe.

Right now, she is in the dining room.

Looking out…

It snowed last night.

That’s what Jason said when Amy opened the door to tell Jason that Nala is posturing in the bathroom.

Staring under the roller basket thing.

This was at seven or eight in the morning. She doesn’t know what clock to look at. We turned our clocks ahead last night. I know we are not supposed to do that until Sunday, but Jason works Sunday. So, we pull daylight savings on Saturday.

Years.

They have been talking for years about doing away with this farming thing. Who knows. I just want spring to get here. The roller coaster of temps hits hard this time of year.

There is a squirrel in the feeder.

(The empty feeder).

Upside down.

It’s windy.

Jason will be cold when he goes out to fill them.

Yes.

Jason fills them for Amy.

One of them is bent up and broken because of the squirrels. Amy can’t open it. Did you know that you can play Call of Duty live on the computer now? Do you know how I know that? It’s not because I was told by anyone in particular. It’s because every time I open up my computer screen. Yes. My computer screen. Just, to remind me. All it took to stick in my memory was once. The reminders are everywhere. And where do I go when there are reminders? Here.

And then I open up the laptop.

Bam!

PLAY CALL OF DUTY MODERN WARFARE 3 NOW!

Nope.

I can’t escape it. I will never know it. But I will always feel it.

Is this something I did to myself?

I’m sure.

Karma is a, funny game.

I wish that I were deaf sometimes. I can hear him breathe. From down the hall.

I’m not at my desk.

Good time to move, to my desk. Just to sit.

And think…

What a vicious cycle.

He did this.

I’m sick of thinking. I want to do something, but I don’t know what. I could easily fall asleep.

Maybe I will lay on the couch next to Diamond.

Four hours later…

She did just that. But she didn’t sleep. She read. She is reading the second book by Ellen Hopkins. It’s a binge book for Amy. Pardon the pun. She can pick it up and put it down whenever, she wants. For instance-

She put it down afterwards and passed out on the chair until Jason came out for work. 9pm.

EST.

Every, work night. He changed his routine.

It’s becoming a habit.

Good.

I caught 333 on March 11.

Mike and Fran stopped by just to say hi. They came into town to go to the bank and then drive all the way back home. It was short but sweet.

I like Fran.

So far…

It’s a beautiful end to a winter day. Sunny with blue skies.

Amy and Diamond went and sat at the end of the porch in the sun for a few. It was too bright and too cold to sit long, but he air felt good and cold going into her lungs. And then she was done. It’s much warmer inside. But it was nice. Be it for only a minute.

Amy is a little lost today.

Lost…

She wandered after Jason went to sleep. Before Jason went to sleep they were quite busy. They went to go exercise before they ran into Adrian to pick up a few things. Amy just wanted to go for the ride. Jason was driving at a nice speed so she could imagine the tops off with the wind in her face.

Her and Diamond were cruising to the music.

Yep.

They took Diamond. They take her with them a lot. She loves rides.

So does Amy.

She didn’t even want to get out of the car but for one stop.

When she got home she began to wander.

La-la-la…

She wandered around the rest of the day not knowing what to do. The weather was nice enough to sit outside for more than an hour. She knows that because that’s what her phone said when she ended the call. It was over an hour. We talked about growing up, and we talked about mom. We even talked of her sisters and her sister’s kids. I wonder what they say about us. Anyway, it was kind of sad. I felt like we were mom-bashing. It did turn out that we do and/or did, love my mom. She did have issues though.

As we all do.

There are things that I need to be on the lookout for.

Or just always keep in check by staying diligent with meds, and my doctors.

Lol.

Diligent.

Diligent:

Adj.

Constant in effort to accomplish something; Attentive and persistent in doing anything.

Done or pursued with preserving attention, painstaking.

A good way to not, get what you need taken care of...

Make them all think that you are crazy, and delirious.

And post-menopausal.

Fyi…

When I was going through that change, it was the same time as my neck issue. I was lost in the shuffle. My hormones flipped. I will forever think that my body was going through a state of atrophy.

I’m unsure. Of a lot.

Still.

But she feels good. She’s been exercising. She does think she should make a follow up in 6 months for the thyroid shit. I think the physical things that she is doing is starting to make a difference all around. She just needs to keep it up.

Don’t get fed up with “her people.”

Stay on track.

Keep on track.

Focus...

She stayed pretty focused during her workout. That was the plan. To stay focused. Because when Jason came home, he saw that the part of the trailer that is now an office was all torn up. He was not happy in the least. Furniture moved, windows stripped, and painting supplies strewn about. He didn’t want to do it. He kept hitting, the nice excuses. Like, “You’re going to box it in.” “It won’t look good. It will look, too small.”

No Amy...

Needless to say, she painted it anyway.

She made a fucking mess.

To be expected.

All, around.

When Jason woke up, he was much calmer. Helpful, even.

He said, it happens.

Yes, it does.

When he walked in for work, Amy grabbed her things and went into the dining room. She even brought the speaker with her. She doesn’t want to be in the office anymore. She wishes she were there, but there are no curtains. Open range. That’s why she hides in the couch. If she gets down real low and puts one leg over Diamond, she is pretty well hidden from the outside.

She woke up and turned on a light at 5:30 AM. She was disorientated and didn’t know where she was. When she opened her eyes, it was still dark. When she turned on a light, bam! A fishbowl.

And then she came here. Her makeshift safe spot. She will finish painting today and hang some sheers. She wants to get blinds for these windows. She’ll just use what she has for now.

And wait for Jason to get home from his meeting.

When he got home he was telling her about the new woman that began in the “new position.”

Yada-yada-yada.

…and she has ink from her neck, down to her hands.

I think that smacked him right out of old school, and back into the parlor.

Hopefully.

Today is off to a good start. Lol. She finished painting. She had a hard time painting the caulking around the window. But nothing covers the mistakes better than sheers. When Jason got home, they had a rough start.

Amy was pissy.

Jason was pissy. He threw the tape measure. They were in no mood to go work out.

They did go to Lowes to pick out blinds.

It was another beautiful day. She sat outside until the breeze told her to go in.

When she came in she decided to fix up the office side. She has her books and her lights, and her rocks down below the mirror. They are sitting next to three white, fluffy pillows.

Amy is tired tonight.

Jason woke up grumpy. He’s been doing that a lot lately.

I know…

It’s his job.

He just needs to go to work.

This is like his Thursday.

But it’s Wednesday.

And this week Wednesday, is going to be his Friday.

Today is Amy’s Thursday.

We are going to be without a car for a few.

I don’t want to talk about it.

Amy was doing laundry while Jason watched Big Bang Theory.

Bazinga!

I think I have seen this episode a zillion times. It’s still funny though. FYI…

I don’t like it when he wakes up most of the time. Expecting a new or different conclusion. I question everything. I don’t lie and maybe I’m to blame. I question everything…

Yep. Still confused.

Her moodiness starts when he’s due home. But boy, it was bad at one time. It could be Amy herself. She’s changing. She knows it. She can feel it. And sometimes she can see it.

It’s growth.

Transformation.

It has to be.

Transformers…

Good movie.

Btw.

Her nose hurts.

Yep.

Her nose…

Today was tattoo day. She still has her three, which were cheaper than quoted. So she did something she had always wanted to do. She got her nose pierced.

It was fast. And it was painful.

She kicked the chair and saw stars for a moment...

But she did it. She had the choice of either a little stud or a little hoop. The girls told her that the hoop allows better healing for the first six weeks. She chose the hoop. After she’s all healed up, she can do as she wants. Anyways, about Jason. Jason, and Amy. Nope. About Amy. Amy, Amy, Amy.

Amy…

And Jason.

She knows that he could really hurt her. But he won’t because of some of some reason or another. She can’t forget that.

She doesn’t want to forget that.

She just wants to let it go.

For now.

She’s tired.

It was a long day.

Tomorrow will be different. Because this day is just like any other day. Except it’s Saturday. They got the place picked up and Jason helped her with the computer.

(She is now learning Amazon).

And then they went to exercise.

Walk, walk, walk. And work on arms. She has little, arm bumps. (More like mounds)

She’s on her way.

So is Jason. He’s been working hard at it too.

Lol.

Just the same.

But the opposite.

Because that is what opposites do.

When she can see Cathy with a K’s trailer through the morning’s dimness, it’s time to close up.

Cover the window back up.

Make it…

Disappear.

If only…

Okay.

They had to run some errands to get some needed heater filters and stop in Saline to see the kids. To just pop in and check out the young life. She misses her boys. Logan is always working. And Trevor is sick again. He’s on the mend. They took Diamond with.

She loves to go on rides.

So does Amy.

Last night we went to Rod and Marcia’s for dinner and cards. It was a nice change. Getting out of the trailer. They made an enchilada casserole that was really good. Today, Amy had Wendy’s chili and crackers. She really enjoys comfort food on the weekends.

Fyi…

Amy feels her skull crackling. She hears it too. She wishes that it would stop. She feels the muscles in her neck and the back of her skull. Her neck is growing. Crack, crack, crack…

(Perfectly in tune with the weather.)

It’s iridescent.

Today she took a nap outside on the chair. The recliner, chair. There was a nice breeze. The sun wasn’t as hot as expected so she could sit on the side of the porch that gets a little bit of the sun.

Are we going to go exercise today?

Maybe.

They went yesterday and did a full body workout. Arms, legs, back. Stomach. Butt. Speed walking. She’s not sore today. She’s, super tired. She woke up at dark and collected her wits. She even showered and put on make-up. For no other reason than, nothing. Jason is in bed. Logan just went to bed. Amy has already been to bed. She only slept for a couple of hours.

Her sleep is getting funky again. But this time, it’s a good sign.

I think.

I hope.

She is all about change.

She’s up now.

She is going to stay up, because they are going swimming at 8AM this morning. only for an hour for laps and the sauna. swim lessons at 9. Who knows if they will see the Whitlock’s this weekend. Right now it’s Saturday morning and Amy doesn’t feel much for company. That may change. Her body is rumbling. A good rumble. But a rumble.

Stretch…

Somedays I wish I didn’t have a neck. Some, days I’m glad that I have a neck. Because if I didn’t have a neck I wouldn’t be able to swim. Or float. I’d sink to the bottom of the pool.

Face first.

That would suck.

Lol.

But after a little over a year of changing her mind, body and soul, she is beginning to see results. Finally. In her sleeping, and in her breathing. Her shoulders are more straight across. (the swimming) She is not choking on her shoulders anymore. Lol. You can do that you know. Choke on your shoulders. It’s easy if it has been dislocated forever. If one is off, so is the other.

It starts with my neck. My fucking neck.

Iridescent..

To be continued…